It’s a shame that we both know that’ll never happen.
“I bought this place because I couldn’t stand the thought of anyone else living here. After Brandon died, I used to drive down here on the weekends when I didn’t want to face my dad asking me why I was crying like a little bitch and I’d sit on the beach for hours, talking to him as if he wasn’t gone.” The dry logs crackle in the fireplace, the dancing flames encouraging me to keep talking. Staring straight ahead, I continue exorcising the past. “Over time, I really thought I was getting better. Andrew brought me on board after I graduated and I started thinking about what I wanted my life to be like.
“I thought I was over Brandon, that I was ready to find someone to settle down with, but every time I got close, I’d think about the night Brandon made me promise to be patient with him. He told me that nothing could keep him from loving me, but it was going to take time before he could tell his family. And then I’d think about the night he came home after spending the weekend with them and hehadtold them.”
“Baby, what happened?” Brandon’s eyes are red and his face is puffy when he walks through the door. He won’t even look at me before he disappears into the bedroom. “Brandon, you’re scaring me. What’s going on?”
“I told them,” he whispers. I sit down on the bed next to him, pulling him onto my lap. His tears quickly dampen my shirt and I’m sure there are marks on my back from the way he’s holding onto me for dear life. “I couldn’t lie to my family anymore. Before I fell in love with you, it was easy to tell myself it wasn’t worth the fight. I didn’t see the point in pushing them out of my life until I found the man who would complete me.Youare that man, Dominic. I know we’re young, but I can’t imagine living a day of my life without you in it.”
“You should have told me. I would have gone with you.” I press my lips to the top of his shaggy brown hair, holding back the anger building inside of me. He should have trusted me enough to let me be there for him. “I want everything you want, but we have to do it together.”
“NO!” he shouts, pulling his head away from my chest. The anger builds as he tries to justify why he thought it was better for him to do this on his own. “I knew what my father was going to be like and there’s no way I’m going to let him poison what we have. I didn’t tell you because it was the only way I could protect you from him.”
Brandon’s entire body is shaking uncontrollably now. His fear and rage are tangible and they’re eating away at him from the inside out. “Baby, was it really that bad? Tell me what happened.”
“Shh, it’s okay,” Deena whispers. Jason settles on the floor to my other side, wrapping his wiry arms around me. “We were there, remember? You don’t have to go into it.”
“But I think I do,” I argue. “I think I need to purge all of this so it’s not weighing on my heart and mind, otherwise I’ll never be free of that pain.”
“Whatever you need, buddy. You know we’re here for you.” Jason reaches behind his back and opens another beer for each of us. “Can I ask one question, though?”
I nod, not trusting myself to speak. “Why now?”
“Because I want to be happy. It’s time.” I lean into the embrace of my friends and close my eyes, allowing the heat of the fire to warm me. Memories dance through my mind, shifting from Brandon to Tony and back again. Somehow, the two of them have become woven together in my head.
Chapter Ten
Tony
“Has he answered?”I ask as I walk into my sister’s condo. She’s sitting in the middle of the living room sorting wedding gifts to cull the duplicates. I know the answer when she looks at me with dull eyes.
It’s been three days since Dominic left and he won’t answer any of our calls. Andrew’s worried, but keeps saying we have to give him his space. “No, sweetie, he hasn’t. Are you ready to tell me what happened Sunday morning? You keep saying this is your fault, but I don’t understand how it could be.”
I’ve replayed every second of that morning in my mind and every time I grow more ashamed of myself. If it was a matter of Dom leaving because he was pissed off at me, I could handle it. But the moment haunting me is when I wrapped my arms around his waist and could feel the sadness radiating off his body. There’s no way that anguish was because of what I said. And heallowedme to hold him for that brief moment. If he was walking away because of what I said in the elevator, he would have jerked away from me the way he had before. None of this makes any sense, but I know that something I did set him off.
“Andrew hasn’t filled you in? I know Dom was talking to him before we all sat down for brunch.” She’s the type to reserve judgment until hearing both sides of the story, but from what I overheard, Dom was pretty straight-forward when he told Andrew what a colossal ass I was to him.
Before she can answer me, the office door opens and Andrew comes out, his brow furrowed and eyes vacant. Caroline bounds over to him, wrapping him in her arms. “Baby, what’s wrong?” she asks quietly.
“I figured he had gone home early, but Dom’s dad just called asking if I’ve heard from him. He was supposed to be there earlier this afternoon and they haven’t seen him.” Andrew pulls the phone from his pocket, mumbling about not wanting to do something. Caroline watches him carefully, just as confused as I am. Andrew’s her rock and he’s become mine as well. Seeing him so worried about Dom does nothing to ease my fears that I’ll never see him again.
“What in the hell?” Andrew flops onto the couch, starting at the screen of his phone. “Why’s he there?”
“Why’s who, where?” Caroline asks, sitting next to him.
“Dom,” Andrew responds, turning his phone so his wife can see the display.
She cocks her head, her eyes darting between Andrew and the screen. “What’s in Rhode Island?”
The look on Andrew’s face when he makes eye contact with me is nothing short of disgust. Realizing I’m not welcome for this particular conversation, I head into the kitchen to make a dinner I’m certain will go uneaten. To give them privacy, I pull the pocket doors closed, shutting down a glimpse into Dom’s life that Andrew obviously doesn’t think I deserve.
And he’s right. None of them owe me a damn thing. Once again, I’ve taken something that could be good and turned it into a steaming pile of shit. It’s my fault that Dom ran away from Andrew after promising they’d spend time together.
Once dinner is in the oven, I set the timer and leave a note on the counter telling them not to wait up for me. Not that they would, but I don’t know when I’ll be coming back. If not for the fact that Christmas is in two days and my mother would kill me if I bailed on a family holiday, I’d head to the airport and get my ass home so Dom would be nothing but a memory I could drown at the bottom of a bottle of whiskey in the comfort of my own home.
It’s early enough that Ray’s Place isn’t packed with drunks yet when I walk in. Seeing Dahlia restocking coolers before the rush, I plop my sorry ass on a stool in front of her and slap a twenty on the bar. “Hey, sexy,” she greets me with a smile that quickly fades when she realizes what a foul mood I’m in. “What’s got you ready to kick someone’s ass?”
I’ve never kept secrets from Kennedy, but I haven’t told her about Sunday because I know she’ll tell me what an asshole I was. I’m doing that enough for everyone, and Andrew’s made it clear what he thinks of how I treated his friend, so I haven’t been in the mood to hear it from her, too.
