"Can you back that up a second?" Tony asked when he pulled up to a stoplight. I looked around and realized we were nearly home. The upscale shopping center with its fancy window displays advertising organic this and fair trade that was only about a mile from our crappy apartment complex. Okay, so maybe it wasn't crappy, but compared to this gentrified area it was a dump. "Did you seriously decide to tell us you love us in the middle of a huge fight? Dude, that's some shady shit right there."
"Believe me, it wasn't how I intended to tell you, but yeah, I love you. Both of you. And it’s not like I haven’t slipped up a million times already. We all have, and I think it’s gone unnoticed because it’s part of this natural progression Enzo wanted so much. I’m sorry if you wanted some grand gesture." Max's cheeks flushed an adorable shade of pink. When he fisted his hair and tugged, I wished it was my hand and the tug was to put him where I wanted him.
I barely processed his confirmation that he lovedboth of usbecause my brain was quickly short-circuiting. Too much going on today for me to take in. The highs and the lows had me tempted to tell Tony to speed the few blocks left before home because I wanted to sleep or screw. I wasn't sure which I wanted more at that point. Why? Because a weight had been lifted off my shoulders as soon as Frankie caught me heading for Tony's bedroom. Even though I'd feared his reaction and still wasn't certain he'd ever understand, the truth was out. Mostly. The rest of it, I realized, could stay our personal business forever, and I'd be okay with that.
Until less than an hour ago, I thought it would bother me to hide how I truly felt about Tony, but I'd come to realize the love we shared publicly didn't have to change and no one had a right to know what went on behind closed doors. As long as we weren't making out in public, which we also wouldn't do with Max, the outside world knew all they needed.
"The two of you fighting about how today played out isn't going to help anyone," Max admonished us. I sank back in my seat, hating that he was right. Tony's shoulders slouched, and I knew he felt the same. "Since we decided we wanted this to be more than just some fucking around, we've said we had to be a team. That's more true now than ever before. If your brothers saw us bickering like this, they'd use that as justification for all their fears about why we can't work. Are you guys willing to risk that?"
"No," I mumbled, slinking down further in the seat. Tony's response was much the same.
"Good." Tony maneuvered his car into our assigned parking stall. None of us moved when he'd turned off the ignition. Unresolved tension lingered in the air. "Can I go to work tonight and trust the two of you aren't going to keep fighting?"
"Yes," we answered in unison.
"And are you going to save the make-up sex for after I get home?" he asked, the faintest twinkle of mischief coming to life in his eyes.
"Yes," I promised at the same time Tony said, "No promises."
The lingering tension snapped, and all of us broke into a fit of laughter. Maybe we'd be okay after all.
Chapter Eighteen
Tony
The apartment was quiet.Within an hour of Max's departure for work, I was so annoyed by the gentle hum of the refrigerator and the ceiling fan whirring in our living room I wanted to take a baseball bat to both. I was an asshole and had no one to blame but myself for Enzo locking himself in his bedroom. Not the bedroom we'd all been sharing for the past few months, buthisspace that we'd turned into a storage area for all the stuff Max brought over when he moved in. I pictured him sitting on his bed playing one of the silly phone games he enjoyed, surrounded by a mountain of boxes stacked precariously high and felt like an even bigger dick. I knew I had the power to fix this, but I was scared.
I fought to keep my eyes open, exhausted from the adrenaline crash. I curled up on the end of the couch and pulled a blanket over my torso. The remote for the TV dangled in my grasp; I couldn't even muster the energy to find a show to fall asleep to. I stared at the blank screen as if it held the answer to all the problems I'd created.
The only way to fix this is to talk to him, you dick,I scolded myself. With a heavy sigh, I tossed the blanket over the back of the couch and swung my feet to the floor. I sat there a minute, scrubbing my face as I tried to figure out how I could prove to Enzo I wasn't really upset with him. He'd been the easy target, the one problem I felt I could lash out at in the moment. I really wasn't worthy of his devotion.
Here goes nothing.I pushed off the couch and shuffled toward his closed bedroom door, feeling like I had fifty pounds strapped to each ankle. When I reached his bedroom, I stared at the door, fist raised to knock. When had I ever knocked before barging into his space? Never. I couldn't recall a single time in our lives when I'd felt a chasm between us that could only be crossed with the help of social niceties. I swallowed hard, breathing through the wave of nausea. I had to fix this, fixus.
The door swung open as I knocked, and my fist uncurled to reach for Enzo's shirt. The silence between us threatened to drown me as I started at my mirror image. Sure, there were slight differences if you looked close enough, but staring at him was like seeing a less flawed version of myself. Finally, I couldn't take the pained look in his eyes another second. I pulled him into me, holding him tightly as I buried my face against his neck.
"I'm so sorry, Enzo," I apologized. "I'll totally understand if you can't forgive me for the stupid shit I said earlier. I didn't mean it, not really. I felt like my world was imploding around me, and I took it out on you. I didn't think about the fact you were going through all the same shit right alongside me. I should've been the rock you needed, not the hammer trying to break you."
"It's okay, Tony." I shivered as his fingers slid under the hem of my shirt, trailing their way along my spine. "Don't beat yourself up."
"But it's not okay," I countered. "I can't treat you like a whipping post just because you understand me. It's not fair to you as my brother, and it's especially not right if I claim to love you the way I do."
"The fact you realize where you went wrong says a lot." Enzo laced his fingers in mine, and I followed him to the living room. His feet got tangled in the blanket I'd carelessly tossed to the floor in my haste to make things right with him. I reached out, latching onto his arm seconds before he tumbled to the floor. The grateful smile he flashed me was a stark contrast to the lingering pain in his eyes. "Thanks."
"Don't mention it." I ducked my head. "If I'd picked the damn thing up, you wouldn't have tripped."
Enzo's fingers tightened around my hand, and he pulled me down to sit on the couch next to him. When I tried to maintain a respectable distance between us, Enzo scooted closer, shoving his hand between my back and the cushions. "Where's all this insecurity coming from?"
"What do you mean?" I picked at a stray thread on the sweatpants I'd changed into when we got home. Looking anywhere was better than having to see the hurt I'd caused.
When Enzo began massaging my tense muscles, my eyelids drooped and shoulders sagged. All the emotions I'd been storing up today began easing. "You've always been the confident one of us. You're the one who doesn't give a shit what anyone thinks about what he does, but today it was like a switch flipped. And before you say it, I know part of the problem is worrying about Mama, but you did good there. If you won't believe us when we tell you that, believe the doctors. They wouldn't lie to you."
"I guess you're right," I conceded. It was easy to lie to myself, and Enzo, by saying today's mood was caused by Mama being in the hospital, but I had to do right by him. Max too, but in my head, this was more about Enzo and me. "It's not so much that as everything else."
I let out a deep breath, sinking deeper into Enzo's side as he combed his fingers through my hair. Before everything got complicated, how many times had the two of us sat this close on the couch and I'd never thought anything of it? Our brothers used to joke anyone we got involved with would have to fight the other twin for our time and attention. Had they seen something I hadn't? If their reaction today was anything to go by, no.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Enzo stiffened, his hand stilling against my head. "Tony, if you're having second thoughts about us, tell me. I love you too much to let our situation push you away."
I shot forward and spun to face him. He eyed me warily, as if honestly expecting me to tell him I'd had enough of him and Max. That would never happen. Where I used to toss and turn through the nights, I now slept soundly as long as I felt the press of Max's body against me and could reach across his body to Enzo. Knowing they were there settled me.
