I watched him walk out of the room, wondering if patiencewasthe next rule or if he meant I needed to be patient before learning the next rule.
8
Matteo
I surveyedthe table layout for at least the tenth time since we’d set it up this morning. This was the first time Tony was putting me in charge of a party and I was terrified I was going to let him down. I noticed some flatware was out of place so I walked around to the other side of the table, meticulously straightening each piece. I checked my watch again to see how much time I had before the group arrived. Seventeen minutes. I wiped my clammy palms against my pants and rounded the table yet again, looking for anything I could straighten.
“Teo, you’re going to be fine,” Frankie reassured me. “You’ve been a lot more focused over the past few weeks and this is Tony’s way of telling you he’s noticed and appreciates the effort you put in. I’m sorry I didn’t have more faith in you when you first started.”
“It’s… It’s fine.” Yes, it stung when Frankie snapped at me for screwing up, but I’d always had it coming. It wasn’t until my brothers realized putting me on dayshift would minimize the damage that I’d started to believe I could do this job.
“No, it’s not. You’re doing the best you can, and I should’ve been more supportive of you.” Frankie placed a hand on my shoulder, turning me away from the private dining area. “I’ve been meaning to ask, is everything okay? Mama said you haven’t been staying at the house most nights.”
I felt my cheeks heat with embarrassment. I ducked my head away from Frankie, not wanting him to realize I’d been keeping secrets from them. I was still trying to figure out how I felt about Levi and what we were doing, and what it said about me that the only reason I was as functional as I was had a lot to do with the routines Levi had introduced.
Thinking about what we’d done this morning, I resisted the urge to reach around and rub my tender backside. Rule number three had been that I needed to be patient and trust Levi would give me what I need when I needed it, but rule four turned out to be one of my favorites: start every day with a spanking. At first, I’d thought he’d lost his mind because spanking was something I’d always associated with punishment, but after he’d explained it could also be used to focus and center me, I’d agreed to give it a try. Now, it was one of my favorite parts of every morning.
I loved getting dressed for work and feeling the minor discomfort as I pulled my underwear over my reddened bottom. All day, I walked around with a reminder that Levi was proud of me as long as I did my best. And it helped to know he was picking up a special order of undies and a few surprises from John while I was at work today. It was only a little weird that one of my closest friends not only knew what we were doing but was essentially supplying my daddy with whatever he needed to make me happy.
“Hey man, focus.” Frankie snapped his fingers in front of my face. “Sorry if that’s a touchy subject.”
“No, it’s not anything like that. I’m just not ready to talk about it yet.” That was only a half-truth; I wanted more than anything to talk about it, but I didn’t think I could yet. And I knew Frankie wouldn’t push me to say anything before I was ready because it wasn’t long ago he’d kept things from the rest of us. Out of all my brothers, he was the one who understood sometimes it was better to wait until the other person was ready rather than force them to sit down for a heart-to-heart.
“Well, when you decide you’re ready, I’m here for you. But for now, why don’t you see if you can keep your head in the game?” I followed Frankie back to his office, the entire time trying to imagine how he’d react when I eventually did talk to him. It wasn’t going to be much longer before I had no choice.
Being with Levi had awakened feelings I’d never expected to have, and I didn’t like worrying I’d fail him because I was twenty-one years old and my sexual experience was limited to what I’d done with him. There was no way I could ask Freddie for advice; as much as I loved him, he was the brother who’d always intimidated me the most. Everything came easy to him, including embracing his sexuality.
Frankie sat down and leaned back, kicking his feet up on the edge of the desk. I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, wondering what the heck I was doing here.
“Did you need something?”
I shook my head and let out a sigh. “Sorry, guess I just spaced out for a little bit. I should get out there and fill the water glasses before my party arrives.”
Frankie just shook his head. “You sure you’re okay? You’ve been doing well lately, but today you seem scattered.”
He wasn’t wrong. This morning, Levi had told me he and Denny might have to go out of town for an assignment soon, and I wasn’t taking the news well. Logically, I knew everything would be okay, but part of me worried a few days apart would make Levi realize I wasn’t worth the effort. For all I knew, he and Denny would hit the clubs after they got done shooting and he’d find somebody else who didn’t have all the hang-ups I did. Without me holding him back, Levi would have no problem finding someone for a quick night of fun. I shook my head, stuffing those thoughts into the box at the back of my mind labeled “things we don’t talk about.”
“I’m fine, Frankie,” I assured him. “Just nervous about the party today. I’m going to check on things one last time and make a list of everything I need to do.”
That had been one of Levi’s suggestions. He’d bought me a small notebook I could keep in my back pocket and write down things I was worried I’d forget. It was such a simple solution; I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought of it before. I left Frankie to his work and made my way back to the private dining room. I stood at the edge of the room scolding myself for obsessing over making sure everything was perfect. It was. I knew it was, but my stupid brain hadn’t gotten the memo. I slid down the wall and pulled the notebook out of my pocket and started scribbling notes. A few minutes later I felt my cell phone buzz in my pocket. I pulled it out, smiling when I saw it was a message from Daddy.
I’m proud of you, Angel, you’re going to do great today.
Thank you, Daddy.
As I tucked the phone back in my pocket, I looked around to make sure no one had walked into the room. I didn’t want to be embarrassed about how happy it made me to call Levi Daddy, but it was one of those things I couldn’t explain to anyone, especially not my brothers. They’d always worried about me after Papa died, each of them trying to step into the role of father figure for me. They wouldn’t understand what Levi and I were doing had nothing to do with missing Papa.
I heard the chatter of little old ladies and jumped to my feet, taking a few steadying breaths as I realized it was showtime. Tabitha led them into the private dining room, her eyes narrowing slightly when she noticed me fidgeting. “You okay?” she mouthed. I nodded. Saying I was okay might’ve been an understatement, but after reading Daddy’s message to me, I felt more confident I could get through this.
Last night, he and I had spent a quiet evening on his couch and he’d reminded me of the man he saw when he looked at me, trying to push away my insecurities. As I greeted my guests, I ran through the list of adjectives he’d given me, almost like a mantra. I could do this.
* * *
Three hourslater I was mentally exhausted. The entire time I was dealing with the private party, I kept waiting for something to go sideways. I was so used to being the screwup that it felt like an inevitability something had to happen. While I was relieved the party had gone off without a hitch, and the group of elderly women all praised me as they left, the entire experience left me drained.
As soon as the private dining room was empty, Tony and Frankie appeared, offering to help me clean up so I could get out of there.
“Care to tell us about the sexy little nerd sitting in the bar asking for you?” Tony asked, bumping his shoulder against mine. I clamped my eyes shut, praying my stupid tendency to blush wouldn’t betray me.
