“He’s a friend,” I told them. Both of my brothers chuckled. I wasn’t fooling anyone. I could either double down and insist I was telling them the truth or I could come clean. Tony and Frankie were the least judgmental of my brothers. They told me repeatedly all they wanted was for me to be happy. I could do this. Plus, once Frankie knew what was going on, maybe I could ask him for some pointers in the sex department.
I set down the bus tub I’d been loading, my eyes darting toward the door to make sure Mama wasn’t hanging around eavesdropping again. “Okay, don’t say anything to anyone else about this, but that’s Levi.”
“Let me guess,” Frankie interrupted. “He’s the reason you haven’t been staying at home recently?” I nodded. “And you don’t want us to say anything because this relationship is new, not because you’re ashamed of what the two of you are doing?”
My eyes nearly bugged out of my head. I rested my palms against the table, closing my eyes yet again as I tried to convince myself Frankie didn’t actually know anything. He had to be talking about the fact I was with a man, not anything to do with what I did with said man.
Frankie pulled out a chair and pushed me into it. “Teo, no one’s going to judge you. If I had to guess, I’d say the two of you have been seeing one another for almost a month, right?”
I nodded, unable to speak around the lump in my throat. Sometimes, it was hard to believe it’d been a month already, and the rest of the time it felt like we’d known one another forever. All I knew was the anticipation of seeing Levi at the end of every day helped me stay focused, and when I was with him, everything felt right in my world.
“Buddy, you have to know at this point no one’s going to think less of you for getting involved with the dude,” Tony pointed out. He flipped the chair next to mine around and sat, resting his forearms against the back of the chair.
“It’s not that,” I argued. This was my moment of truth. I’d heard Freddie talk about the moment he realized he was tired of keeping secrets from the family, and I finally understood what he was saying. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so worried about talking to my brothers about this. Over the past two years, they’d proven nothing could change how we felt about one another. It was hard for me to put into words my life before Levi and after. It sounded crazy, even now, that I could’ve gone from sexually dead inside to wishing I had the courage to go all the way with the man who’d brought me to life.
“Then tell us how it is,” Frankie urged, taking the chair to my right and mirroring Tony’s position. “Whatever’s going on, you don’t have to face it alone. Let me ask you just one question; does the sexy nerd make you happy?”
“His name’s Levi,” I said a bit more insistently than necessary. It didn’t matter that the first thing I’d noticed about Levi when we met was his trendy glasses or how he made jeans and graphic tees look like high fashion; I didn’t want my brothers thinking of him that way.
“Okay.” Frankie held up his hands in surrender. “Does Levi make you happy?”
“Absolutely,” I responded without hesitation. I felt the smile playing at the corners of my lips and didn’t try to hide it from my brothers this time. “And that’s what’s so confusing to me. I always heard how you guys and your buddies talked about this hot girl, that hot girl–”
“Okay, but in my defense, I was doing it more to keep anyone from figuring out the truth than anything else,” Frankie pointed out. “In reality, I was checking out the guys but couldn’t say anything to anyone. So believe me, I understand what it’s like.”
“No, you don’t.” I rested my head on the edge of the table. One thing I’d learned with Levi was it was sometimes easier to have these conversations when I wasn’t looking at the other person. It was bad enough imagining how they’d react without having to see the confusion or hurt painted all over their faces. “At least you looked at people and found them attractive. It was always different for me. I could appreciate if someone was aesthetically pleasing, but it never did anything for me, if you know what I mean.”
“Are you saying you’re asexual? Because if you are, that’s totally cool too.” Tony placed a hand at the center of my back, not moving it, just allowing the weight of his hand to provide a subtle reassurance he was still there with me.
“I never really thought of it in any sort of way, but yeah, I suppose if I’d been forced to label myself, that’s where I would’ve fit.” Or at least I did until Levi came barreling in my life and turned everything on end. “But now I’m not so sure. I was actually getting to a point where I was okay thinking I’d never find anyone. I didn’t see what the big deal was with sex, never felt like something was missing in my life because I hadn’t had it.”
Until Levi.Now, all I could think about when I wasn’t busy trying to stay focused on other things was how badly I wanted Levi to test my limits. So far, we hadn’t gotten any further than swapping blowjobs. Now, I wanted more. If I was being honest, I wanted it all.
“You do realize you’re totally normal, right?” Frankie asked, adding his hand just below Tony’s. “You’re not the only person in the world who’s attracted to people for reasons other than just sexual desire.”
Yeah, but how many of those people got off on calling their partner Daddy, having him lay out clothes in the morning, buying special plates and cups to keep in their kitchen, etc.? No matter what Frankie said, normal only went so far in my situation. But that was a conversation for another day. Right now, I wanted to get my work done and get back to Levi’s house where everything made sense.
I stood, determined to whip the private dining room into shape, when Frankie grabbed the bus tub before I could reach for it. “Why don’t you get out of here? Tony and I can take care of this. And since the private party was your only ticket for the day, I’ll cash you out and leave your tip in an envelope in the safe. If I’m not here tomorrow morning when you get in, Tony will grab it for you.”
“Thanks for the offer, but it’s my responsibility to clean up after the party.” They wouldn’t have made this offer to any of the other servers, and I didn’t want preferential treatment because I was their baby brother. “It won’t take me too long. I already figured out a system to make it go faster.”
Yet another sliver of Levi’s influence on me; no matter what we were doing, he’d been working with me to make plans before I started to help me keep everything organized. In this case, I grabbed two bus tubs, one for the plates and the other for glasses and flatware.
“Let us do this for you,” Tony urged. “You don’t want to keep your sexy little nerd waiting, do you?”
He smirked at me as I opened my mouth to correct him and demand he use Levi’s name, and I knew my brother was messing with me. Honestly, no, I didn’t want to keep Daddy waiting. I wanted to go home and color while he made dinner for us, just like he did every night. I couldn’t explain why I needed Levi’s care so badly tonight, but I did.
Rather than argue with my brothers, I handed over my wet rag and hugged each of them, relieved they knew at least a little of my secret. I almost made it to the door when Frankie called my name. “When you decide it’s time to tell Mama and the rest of the family, we’ve got your back.”
“Thanks.” I choked back my emotions, not wanting to tear up and have Daddy ask what was wrong. For once, everything felt right.
9
Levi
Teo hadn’t takenthe news of my impending trip well at all. I should’ve known better than to tell him this morning, but after I’d received the text message from Denny saying he needed me to go out of town overnight with him, I couldn’t hold the information back from Teo. It felt too much like lying, which was one thing I’d promised him I would never do. All day, I’d been racking my brain trying to come up with ways to help him get through the absence.
When Teo and I had first started fooling around, I hadn’t expected things to get so heavy so fast. In the past, I’d been with partners who wanted a very clear delineation between the time we spent in the dynamic and what they referred to as normal life. If it were feasible, I got the impression Matteo would be perfectly content being little all the time.
