“Including last night and this morning?”
“Sure, if that’s what you need.” He massaged my arm as he held me, not pushing me to say anything before I was ready.
“A few kisses and a blowjob I totally messed up,” I admitted, wishing the floor would open and swallow me whole, which wound up being bad, because that had me thinking aboutLeviopening up and swallowingmewhole the way I’d seen in those videos I’d watched.
“And if we take anything between the two of us out of the equation?”
“A few kisses and just enough fumbling to realize I felt nothing. Beyond that, it was me and my laptop, which turned out to be a wholly unsatisfying relationship.” Levi laughed, curling forward to kiss the top of my head. “It’s not funny. Some of my friends before I dropped out of college talked about their one-night stands, but that didn’t appeal to me. If I couldn’t get it up when I was dancing with someone I thought was good-looking, how would taking them home help? Do you know how hard it is hanging out with guys who are all bragging about their conquests, trying to keep them from looking at you because you couldn’t tell a believable lie if your life depended on it?”
“Oh Angel, that’s not why I was laughing. Not at all,” he assured me. “You see your mind as a weakness because you get overwhelmed and your thoughts run off on all these tangents, but it’s part of what makes you amazing.”
I hated that I’d effectively aborted what would’ve been my first real sexual experience, but it didn’t seem to faze Levi. He pulled my body on top of his, rubbing my back as we kissed. Every touch was less frantic than before and I noticed that his dick had softened considerably. Was it a turn-off to him that I was so inexperienced?
“Stop it,” he scolded, swatting my backside. I moaned, loving the dull sting, wishing for more. “Mmmm, may not be an effective punishment for you, but I have an idea. Do you trust me?”
“Absolutely.” Even though I wasn’t surewhyI answered so confidently, my trust in Levi to keep me safe was one of the few things I was certain of at this point in my life.
Levi pushed me off his body and slid out of the bed. I did the same on the other side, trying to remember where I’d tossed my–his–sweatpants last night. If I had to make a hasty exit, I didn’t want to burst onto the streets in nothing but little boy briefs. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“You got up, so I was doing the same,” I explained, not bothering to look up. I rested my elbows on my knees, trying to figure out where everything had gone so wrong.
“Did Itellyou to get up?” His voice rumbled through the room, causing me to panic momentarily. He smirked and I relaxed, realizing he wasn’t upset with me.
“No.”
“No,what,Angel?” I sat up straighter, grateful for his subtle guidance.
“No, Daddy.” My entire body relaxed as I said the words.This.This was what I needed, and he’d somehow known that.
“Then lie back down and don’t get out of the bed until I tell you,” he demanded. I scooted back in the bed, feeling silly as I pulled the sheet over my legs.
Levi bent down and grabbed his sweatpants–the ones I’d worn yesterday–and stood, pulling them over his hips. I pouted, hoping he’d cave and crawl back into the bed next to me. Somehow, I’d gone from assuming I’d never share a bed with someone to petulant because he was leaving me alone.
“Where are you going?”
“I need coffee and you need something to eat before I drive you to work,” he told me. Oh yeah, I had to work today. It was a good thing I’d told him that because I’d totally spaced it. Tony would kill me if I no-showed on him. “And when I get back, we’re going to talk about the rules.”
“Rules?” It wasn’t the first time he’d mentioned them, but I wasn’t sure how that fit into the context of a healthy adult relationship, and it wasn’t the type of thing I could easily ask any of my brothers. I liked Levi; I didn’t need them deciding he was a controlling jerk.
“Yes, Angel, rules. As I said before, I have some ideas of how to help you and part of that is giving you a bit of structure.” My stomach soured a bit. I didn’t want Levi to see me as a project for him to complete and turn loose. It wasn’t that I already imagined us being together forever, but I didn’t want him to be my Prince Charming, sent to rescue me from myself. I must’ve done a poor job hiding my trepidation, because Levi climbed back into bed with me, drawing me onto his lap. “You will have veto power over anything. I’m not trying to take over your life.”
“No, you just want to fix me,” I snapped, shrinking in on myself as soon as the words were out of my mouth. Part of me was proud that I’d stood up for myself, but the other part, what Levi called my little side, regretted talking back to Daddy that way. So far, everything he’d done had been respectful. I had no legitimate reason to think that’d change now.
“Is that how you think I view us?” he asked. If my sniping hurt or angered him, he didn’t show it. I nodded, still unable to look at him. “Oh Angel, of all the ways I see you, broken is nowhere on the list. I was drawn to you exactly as you are because you’re an amazing man. All I want to do is help you discover things about yourself you’ve never realized. I want to give you a bit of structure because I have a hunch you will thrive with that, that you crave it but can’t wrap your head around what you need to do on your own.”
“Because I’m broken.” My words, not his. I knew there was something messed up in my head; crossed wires or something. And he was right; I’d give anything to get through one day without spazzing out.
Levi held my chin firmly between his fingers, forcing me to look at him. “Rule two: you don’t talk down about yourself. You’re not broken, you’re beautiful. Every time I hear you degrade yourself in any way, there will be consequences.”
“A spanking?” The playful lilt at the end of the question surprised me. I hadn’t considered whether I’d enjoy getting punished, but I’d enjoyed feeling Levi’s hand crack against my butt.
Levi chuckled and kissed the side of my head. “Don’t worry, Angel, you will be spanked, but I don’t think it’ll be an effective punishment. I’ll find other ways. Perhaps I’ll make you sit in the naughty chair with your nose to the corner.”
I shuddered at the mention of his idea of punishment. If I closed my eyes and thought about it, I was pretty sure I could still smell the paint Papa used on the walls of our family room. He hadn’t been one for physical punishment, but he had no problem standing each of us boys with our noses pressed into the corner until we learned our lesson. I didn’t want that.
I quickly changed the subject, hoping Levi hadn’t realized the lengths I’d go to avoid that punishment. “What’s the next rule?”
Levi swung his feet over the bed. “Patience.”
