“Keep your voice down,” I warned him. “Even though you’re not wrong, I try to always be careful about what I say whenever Sophia might overhear me. No matter what I think of my ex, she’s still Sophia’s mother.”
“She may have given her life, but that doesn’t make her a mom.” I loved how upset Peter was on our behalf. Sadly, he had more of a relationship with my daughter in the few months he’d been here than her own mother had for the past few years. “I won’t pressure you if you really can’t do it, but New York is a huge city. You probably have better odds of winning the lottery or getting struck by lightning than you do running into one person you’d rather avoid.”
That may have been true, but knowing my luck she’d walk into the airport as we got off the plane. That was the way Angela operated; it was like she had a sixth sense to stay away from where she needed to be and insert herself where she wasn’t wanted.
“You’re probably right,” I admitted to him. It hit me that even though I was trying to move forward with my life, I was still letting the past dictate my future. If it was important to Peter to show me his world, then I wanted to see it. “But how would it work? If you’re going to be working, it’s not much of a vacation for us.”
“I was thinking about that. What if we go up a few days early so we can spend some time together and then you can explore, do whatever you want during the day while I’m working? It wouldn’t be much different from how things are now, but you’ll be the one sitting on your ass while I’m busting mine.”
“Let me think about it, okay?” It was the best I could offer him right now. I wanted to be excited about this, wanted to think it’d help us find ways to get over the geographic differences if both of us were committed to having a relationship, but it seemed I had more work to do in finding a way to close the miles between us.
I sat with Peter a few more minutes, listening to him tell me about all the places he wanted to take me in New York. The restaurants he thought I’d enjoy, the tourist traps he’d never visited but secretly wanted to.
When I got up to check on dinner, he went back to work. As I stirred the new sauce I was trying to perfect, I thought about what he said. I wondered if he was already putting his career at risk by staying here so long and if any of his clients had already started going to other artists. If anyone was selfish in this relationship, it was me. He’d given up everything, at least for right now, and I’d let him. I hadn’t stopped to think about what it would cost for him to put his own life on hold to play house with me. I needed to find a way to make it up to him.
“What do you say we get cleaned up and head out for a little bit?” I asked Peter and Sophia as we sat around the table after dinner. It was my one night off and I wanted to do something special with the two of them.
“Can we go to the park?” Sophia suggested. It didn’t matter to her that it was hot and muggy, she was restless and wanted to run around outside. I was tempted to say no because I couldn’t think of much I’d rather do less than standing outside watching her play while I sweat my ass off, but I was trying to put my own wishes on the back burner for once. I wanted to be the parent she deserved in her life. Plus, with her otherwise occupied on the swings or in the sandbox, I could tell Peter I’d decided about New York.
“Sure we can do that, Sophia.” I pushed back from the table and started stacking the dishes. Peter rinsed while I handed Sophia a damp washcloth to wipe the table. The three of us worked together as a team, none of us needing to ask what to do or telling the others what we needed help with. “And maybe after, we can go pick up ice cream.”
She squealed as she tossed the rag into the sink and darted up the stairs to change into play clothes. She was either going to be worn out and asleep before we got home or hopped up on sugar; either was fine with me if Peter and I got a chance to talk.
“You just had to cave and tell her we’d go to the park, didn’t you,” Peter grumbled once we were alone. “It’s a good thing I’m not wearing makeup today, because I’m pretty sure my face would melt off out there.”
I cocked my head to the side, satisfied by the thump of Sophia playing with something up in her room. I couldn’t bring myself to be upset with her for not doing what I’d asked because it gave us a minute alone.
“We wouldn’t want that want that to happen now would we,” I teased, sliding up behind him at the counter, planting my hands on his waist. “I like that you don’t wear makeup when you’re around me. I get the impression it’s a sort of armor for you and I don’t want you to ever have to think you need to guard yourself against me.”
“Oh, but that’s where you’re wrong,” Peter responded. He leaned forward and pecked my cheek, nuzzling his nose against my ear. “Sometimes I think I need to guard myself more from you than anyone else in the world.”
Because I didn’t have a good response, I pressed my lips to his before pushing him away. Sophia’s doorstep slammed closed and she trampled down the steps. It never ceased to amaze me how one little girl could make so much noise. “Are you guys ready to go yet? I want to spend time at the park before it it’s bedtime.”
“Sophia, it’s not even a school night,” I reminded her. We talked quite a bit about how her routines would change with the upcoming school year, and she was so excited she thought she needed to start going to bed and waking up earlier right now. “And remember, after the park we’re walking to the ice cream parlor you like. I don’t think Peter’s ever been there, so he might need you to tell him what flavors are best.”
“I can do that.” Sophia wrapped her little fingers around Peter’s, practically dragging him to the front door. “Peter you need to put on your shoes so we can leave.”
With a laugh, Peter kneeled and did as he was told. Sophia grabbed my shoes off the pile and brought them to me, thrusting them into my stomach. “Daddy you need to get ready to go too.” I sat on the arm of the couch and wrestled into my shoes without bothering to untie them. Less than a minute later, the three of us were on our way down the front steps.
Sophia led the way to the park at the end of the block, inserting herself between Peter and me, taking one of our hands in each of hers. Despite the heat, it was a perfect night with the people I loved.
As soon as we got onto the park’s property Sophia ran off ahead of us. Every once in a while she looked back to make sure we were still there before taking off again. “You don’t worry about her when you’re here?”
“No,” I told him. “I used to, but then I realized the parents in our neighborhood do a pretty good job looking out for one another’s kids most of the time.”
“Sounds a lot like our old neighborhood.” There was a wistful tone to Peter’s voice, and I knew he was thinking about the countless hours we spent at the playground. “Gotta tell you though, I don’t think we had anything this nice.”
He was right about that. Our neighborhood was very much a working-class one. Where this park had a brightly colored playground with everything designed for safety, we were stuck with a rusty metal slide that blistered your legs in the middle of summer, a swing set with chain links that pinched your fingers, and a set of monkey bars high enough that at least five kids wound up going back to school in a cast every August.
I led Peter to an empty bench on the opposite side of the playground from where a group of mothers sat around gossiping. A few of them waved to me, and I hoped they didn’t come over to say hello. It wasn’t that I was antisocial, but this was a chance for Peter and me to sit down and talk.
With Sophia occupied on the playground, chasing a few of her little friends around the equipment and up the slides, I turned on the bench, draping my arm casually over the back, grazing my thumb across Peter’s shoulder blade. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what you said earlier, and I don’t think it was fair of me to shoot down your suggestion so quickly.”
“No, I don’t want you feeling that way at all. Did it sting a little? Yeah, at first. Then you explained your reasons and you’re completely justified.” Peter put his hand on my knee, watching for signs of discomfort. It said a hell of a lot to me that sitting here with him felt natural.
“But the thing is, I don’t think Iamjustified. You gave up so much to spend time with us, and it feels incredibly selfish of me to refuse to see what your life’s been like since you left. If the offer still stands, I’d like to go to New York with you.” My voice shook, but I didn’t take back the words. “Get me the dates you have to be there for that assignment, and I’ll let Frankie and Mama both know so everything’s taken care of on my end.”
“Only if you’re sure. Otherwise, we can find another way to forget about real life for a while.”
