“Don’t do it.” He pointed his finger at her, backing away despite himself. “I swear to God, do not say those words. Do not, Dyna!”
She moved closer to him and leaned toward him.
“Dyna, I’m warning you. Do. Not. Say. Those. Words.”
Her gaze caught his and she whispered the truth. Words he hated to hear. Every time he heard them, they pierced his already broken heart.
“Alasdair, your father’s dead, too.”
“Nay!” he bellowed. He fell to his knees and yelled a guttural cry that needed to come out. He roared and roared until his throat was raw, hoping he yelled loudly enough that his sire could hear him in heaven.
He knew it needed to be said. She knew it. But he didn’t want to believe the truth.
He wanted to be a man like his sire. The laird. The warrior. The wonderful husband. The wise father. But to do that, he would have to face the pain in his heart and he just did not know how. He did not know how to move on.
Unsheathing his sword, he moved over to a group of trees and began to swing it at the branches, the leaves, everything. He wanted to scare Dyna, to convince her to stay away.
He wanted her to stop.
He wasn’t sure he could handle any more.
Dyna followed him as he slashed.
“Good, Alasdair. Now tell me why you can’t marry Emmalin.”
He slashed two more branches, then stabbed his sword into the ground. “Marry her? I’ll tell you why not. Because I love her. That’s right, I do love her. And I’m not going to go through what the others went through. I won’t. I just won’t.” He paced again.
There, he’d said it. She’d understand now and leave him alone.
“What did they go through? Having a family who loved them? Having bairns? What are you afraid of?”
“Who? My father. I’m an only child. I was the one who held my father when he found out my mother had died. I was the one who had to peel him away from her body because he couldn’t let her go. And I did the same with Grandsire. You weren’t there when he lost Grandmama. Well, I was. And I’m never going to go through the pain they went through.”
Dyna’s eyes widened. He’d finally surprised her.
“Aye, I was the one who pulled Grandfather away from Grandmama. No one else would do it. Everyone else was busy crying, but I couldn’t stand to see that man sob any more so Ipulled him away. And I sat with him every day for the next moon to make sure he would go on.”
Dyna had tears running down her cheeks. “You did. I hadn’t looked at it that way, but you did. You were older than me, and I suppose I thought you were stronger, too. ’Twasn’t fair.”
“Aye, I did it for Grandsire, and then I had to go through it again with my sire. Think you I wish to go through the same? I don’t.”
“But everything you’ve been through has made you stronger, don’t you see? You deserve happiness.”
“Nay, I am not strong. My sire was so much stronger than I will ever be, and if he could not survive losing Mama, I know I could not survive such a loss either. Emmalin is better off without me.”
“Alasdair, I’m sorry. I hadn’t intended to dredge all of that up. I…”
Alasdair sheathed his sword and raced over to his horse, leaping onto Midnight’s back and riding hard to the keep. There was one more thing he had to do. He’d wanted to do this for a long time and he hadn’t. It was one other thing he had avoided.
When he got to the stables, he jumped off his horse and tossed his sword on the ground, not speaking to anyone. He ran down the path through the inner bailey, gathering stones and putting them in a bag. When he felt he had enough, he hurried into the keep with his collection.
He simply nodded in response to those who greeted him, moving too quickly for anyone to ask him any questions. Up the stairs. Down the passageway. Up the stairs to the parapets. ignored all those who greeted him in the great hall. Grandpapa was not there.
He set his stones down and yelled up to the heavens, “Papa, I need you here right now. Half of my family believes in spirits and ghosts, so I’m telling you to come to me.”
Heneededhim. He’d heard plenty of talk about ghosts or ethereal beings, and it was said Aunt Jennie’s lasses could hear the dead. Well, if anyone had the right to talk to a dead spirit, he did. He’d waited, praying that his father would send him some sort of message, but nothing had ever happened.
Just like nothing was happening now.
