and I sobbed all the while I wrote it. It opens with Alasdair in denial about his
feelings of loss. Dyna is as perceptive as their grandsire.
They’d nearly made it back to Grant land when Dyna started in on him again. This time, she did not bother with preliminaries. “’Tis time for us to have a discussion.”
He cast her a stony glare, hoping it would end the conversation. “By the bloody saints above, could you not let me be?”
“Nay, and in case you’re wondering, I sent Alick and Els on ahead. They’ll let you off, but I won’t. You need to face this.”
They rode on in silence for a short time, but he knew she wasn’t finished.
A few minutes later, she said, “You must stop hiding from it.”
Hellfire, why couldn’t she just leave him be? Though her badgering was well-intentioned, sometimes he just wished to throttle her. She knew more than she should, her knowledge had teeth. “Nay, I don’t. I’m not hiding from anything.”
“The hell you aren’t.”
Now she’d started to aggravate him. He decided he’d had enough of her meddling. “Must you continue to nag at me?You’re like the midges, always around, always biting. Leave me be, Dyna. I’ve got naught to say.”
“And it’s eating at you something fierce,” she said, her tone harsh. “I can see it so clearly. Why can’t you?”
“What the hell is eating at me? What has you so convinced I’m in need of advice?”
“The fact that you left Emmalin alone to fend for herself. Any fool could see you love her and she loves you. I can see it, she can feel it, but you deny it.Why?”
“I didn’t leave her there to fend for herself. I left a fine group of Grant warriors there to protect her.”
“You may have saved her from one pain,” Dyna said, raising her brow, “but you gave her another. Don’t you both deserve some happiness? You come so close to the truth, Alasdair, yet you still deny it.”
They were nearly at the castle gates. He could see Grant Castle up ahead on the hill, its banners waving strong in the Scottish wind. He was anxious to see his grandsire again, to update him on all that had happened.
To get away from Dyna’s questions.
“Tell me the truth,” she said. “Tell me how angry you are. Rail at me if you must. You have to get the anger out or it will eat up your insides. I won’t let that happen to you.”
He ignored her. An odd silence had fallen among the guards around them, as if everyone was waiting to see if he would lose this temper.
“It’s been nearly a year. ’Tis time to face the truth.” She smirked at him, then whispered, “Or don’t you have the courage?”
That was it. He’d had enough. If she wanted to make him mad, she’d succeeded. He yelled to the guards and Els and Alick, who stayed just far enough away to give them privacy, “Go on ahead. Take your horses to the stables and leave us be.”
As soon as the others were far enough away, he jumped down from his horse and moved over to grab his cousin’s leg out of the stirrup. “Come on. You want to talk? Fine. Get your arse down off that horse and we will talk. But I’m not angry.”
She jumped down and stood in front of him, pushing a finger at his chest. “You have a right to be angry.”
“Fine. I am angry. It’s not fair. I lost my mother and I shouldn’t have. She got sick and never got better.”
“And?”
He couldn’t say it—nay, he just couldn’t say the words. He paced around the horses, but he could see how anxious it made Midnight, so he stalked away again. And his cousin followed him, as relentless as a deerhound on a scent.
“What?” He spun around to yell at her. “What the hell do you want me to say?”
“I want you to say it. You know what.Say it.If you don’t, you’ll never be able to move on. Never.”
“I don’t want to say it. I don’teverwant to say it.”
“Youareafraid. Fine, then I’ll say it. We’ve all danced around the truth for much too long. ’Tis not helpful to you.”
