“Not a werewolf,” he whispered, before he pinched his lips shut, shaking his head. “Sorry, not helpful right now, I know.”
I embraced the fury, because the alternative was to fall apart, and I couldn’t bring myself to do that yet. I gripped my hair with both fists and roared in frustration, and Kedi actually flinched. I made a wolf flinch. “I feel so fucking stupid! The nudity, the sniffing, running through the woods on full moons. This whole time, you guys have just been laughing at me. What a stupid naïve human, right? What an idiot, he can’t see what’s right in front of his face.”
“Nobody thought tha—” he began, but I cut him off right quick.
“You did!” I shouted, jabbing a finger at his chest, and he staggered back a step. “You told North that night at the bar. You said I was an innocent, naïve human. So I guess he was in on thejoke too, right?”
Kedi shook his head, a look of panic crossing his face. “No, Joel, that’s not it at all. Nobody was laughing. We weren’t allowed to tell you. There are rules in place for our protection, but we thought if we left you enough clues that maybe…”
“Maybe what?” I asked, tears slipping down my cheeks.
He sighed. “That maybe you might figure it out on your own. If you guessed, we wouldn’t get in trouble for breaking the rules.” I could tell the guilt was eating at him. He had the same look as that one time he got the munchies and ate the last of my frozen waffles. Well, good. I was glad he felt guilty. He deserved it. “We’ve always considered you one of us, Joel. Always!”
“The pack,” I muttered, wiping at my cheeks. “You called them your pack.”
He nodded slowly. “Like a wolf pack.”
“And the pot you won’t let me smoke?”
“Wolfsbane,” he admitted.
I sniffed to keep the snot from dripping down my face. “And was it fate that I ended up as your roommate too?” I asked. “Fate that my parents died so I would have no one to lean on, so I would end up desperate to live in your shitty apartment?”
He frowned sharply. “Dude, no need to be rude.”
I instantly felt bad. I actually liked our little apartment, and he’d always been a great friend, even if he did eat all my food. Maybe the blame for that should fall to his wolf. I had to choke down a laugh at the thought. Nope, I was not ready to make jokes about this yet.
“Well, was it?” I snapped, refusing to apologize. He’d hidden something major from me for years. It was his fault, so he needed to apologize first. “Has everything in my life been dictated by some higher power?”
Kedi’s lips twitched. “Well, I mean… you’re describing every major religion, and most minor ones.”
I flapped my hand in the air between us. “You know what I mean!” I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest defensively. I was on such an emotional rollercoaster, and I was fully ready to get off this thing. “How am I supposed to just… accept all this?” Because that was where I was at now. Acceptance. I wasn’t having an episode or hallucinating because of some noxious gas leak. This was real. Everything North told me… was real.
Fuck.
Kedi shrugged in defeat and gave me a sad smile. “You lean on the people who love you. You ask questions, and we’ll answer them the best we can. And then, when you’re ready, you embrace everything you’ve gained. You’re luckyto be a part of this world, Joel. You’re exactly where you’re meant to be.”
Exhaustion hit me hard. The anger had drained away, the tears had dried up. Now, I felt… nothing. I shook my head. “I just don’t know if I can trust you anymore, Kedi.”
He looked like I’d struck him. I turned away from him, my roommate, my best friend in this world, and trudged into my bedroom, my entire body numb. I closed the door behind me and crawled into bed, collapsing face-first into my pillow. Maybe I would get lucky and suffocate.
Hours later, and no such luck. I flopped over onto my back and stared up at the ceiling. The room darkened around me, but still I lay there, not bothering to turn on a light. I hoped for the blissful embrace of sleep, but instead, my brain kept replaying every interaction I’d ever had in my life. Everyone I’d met, every “trick of the light” I’d written off. Just how blind was I? I groaned, thinking about the “furries” at the club. Those were no costumes, but I wasn’t sure if that made it better or worse.
I scrambled to feel some sort of gratitude or awe in everything I’d learned, but the emotion at the forefront of my mind was betrayal. Everything I thought I knew was a lie.
And I was the chump who’d been duped by it all.
Chapter 13
North
Thehardwoodwasunforgivingbeneath me, digging into my spine and hips, but I refused to move from my spread-eagle sprawl across my living room floor. The pain was the only reminder that I was still alive. I’d lost track of how long had passed since Joel left. Hours? Days? Weeks? Hell, it could’ve been years, and it still wouldn’t matter. Nothing did without him.
There was this constant ache in my chest where our mating bond was meant to be. I couldn’t see past it. Basic tasks, like eating and showering, seemed so inconsequential now. And work? Forget it. I couldn’t bring myself to tattoo images of love and hope on people when my own mate didn’t want me.
Want me to chase him again?my jaguar offered in some strange attempt to make me feel better.
No, but thanks for the offer.
