‘Have you just got here?’
‘To the bench, yes, but once we’d arranged to meet, I got the train down last night. Stayed in a guesthouse just off The Lanes. I needed to be on my own with my thoughts.’ Vic’s eyes filled with tears. ‘Let me save you the trauma of coming out with it yourself. You’ve got HIV, haven’t you?’
The handsome blond took a long, hard drag of his cigarette and remained silent for a second. ‘Oh Vic, no, please tell me no, you’re not positive too, are you? You can’t be.’ He saw the pain etched on her face. ‘It would be so unlucky. No! It can’t be possible.’
‘I wish Ihadslept around more now; at least the law of averages would have made more sense.’
‘I can’t believe how upbeat you’re being.’
‘It’s that or slit my wrists, so I guess I have to stick with the first option.’
‘Vic. I’m so, so bloody sorry. I never thought for one minute you would have it. I just knew I had to talk to you about getting tested, just in case, but shit, I never ever thought that…’ He shook his head. ‘Oh, Jesus!’
‘We used a condom – I half remember the conversation.’ Vic sighed. ‘So I don’t understand.’
‘We did. I was adamant – it’s just the respectful and sensible thing to do. But, Vic, we had all sorts of wild sex, in many positions, and when I went to wrap the condom to throw it in the bin, I noticed that it had split.’
‘For fuck’s sake. And you didn’t think to mention it at the time?’ Vic grabbed the cigarette from Danny and took a drag. ‘Please tell me you’ve got more than one of these?’
‘I thought you only smoked when you were drunk.’
‘Spare me the lecture today, perlease.’
A large wave crashed on the shore ahead of them as a light drizzle began to fall. Vic rolled her hood up over her hair.
Danny took a packet of Marlboro Lights out of his jacketpocket. ‘My consultant said that I have to try and live a healthy lifestyle from now on.’
‘Danny, just give me a cigarette. If you tell me you knew you had it already, I will have to murder you, though, so get ready to run.’
Danny snapped. ‘What do you take me for, Vic? Of course I didn’t know. Jamie only told me three weeks ago. His open-relationship house had been entertaining visitors for a lot longer than he had made out.’
‘His?’
‘Yes, Vic, and sorry I omitted to tell you that. I just didn’t think it was relevant, as I figured we wouldn’t be running off into the sunset together. I liked you and I meant what I said about the gallery, but I think we both realised that that night was just what it was.’
‘It’s fine, I understand.’ She held her cigarette up to Danny’s offered light. ‘I accused Nate of giving it to me, too. Fuck! If only I’d listened to your message before I spoke to him. Nate, that’s my fella – ex fella, maybe. God knows what I call him now.’
Danny lit a cigarette for himself. ‘I didn’t contact you straight away as I was waiting for the results of my second test, which seemed to take forever. I didn’t want to believe it was true. Stuck my head up my arse, to be honest. And like I said, I honestly thought it would be impossible for you to have it. Nate will have to test now, anyway, so you had to tell him.’
‘Yes, I know that, thank you,’ she sighed, then shut her eyes and, taking a large drag of her cigarette, let the nicotine work its toxic magic. ‘But I’ve just scared the shit out of him, maybe for no reason. I blamed the poor bastard for giving it to me, and it wasn’t him.’
‘Let’s walk.’ Danny stood and took Vic’s hand to help her up.
They found themselves drawn to the sea’s edge. Themelodic noise of the waves rushing up onto the shingle beach did nothing to calm their melancholy. The grey of the sea and the dull December morning just served to amplify their sadness.
‘I must call Nate.’
‘Does he know about me, and that you’re here?’
‘I told him I slept with someone, yes. He walked out of the flat and has gone completely AWOL, so he has no detail. What about Jamie?’
‘It’s over. I can’t even tell you how much I despise that man. I mean, there’s parting gifts, and then there’s parting gifts.’
Vic frowned. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘I’m not. He’s a tosser.’ Danny’s voice lilted and he let out a little sarcastic laugh. He camply half-spoke, half-sang, ‘So, it’s just little ol’ me and the HIV.’ He sighed. ‘I can’t believeI’mbeing so upbeat now.’
‘What’s the alternative? Lie on the floor and pummel it with our fists, shouting “why me?” Saying that, I actually did that for a few days after I found out.’ Vic took a drag of her cigarette.
