‘Oh, Vic.’ Danny reached for her hand and squeezed it. ‘I just got horrendously drunk, then ran down here and swam in the freezing-cold sea. Went a bit mad, if I’m honest.’
‘It’s a lot to take in.’ Vic sighed. ‘I have to call Nate again. Give me a sec.’ She walked ahead but turned back within seconds. ‘Voicemail.’
‘Did you leave a message?’
‘Yes. Another one trying to alleviate his fear, but I know him so well. He will be in such a state.’ Vic started to cry. ‘I’ve hurt him so much, Danny. We have hurt each other so much. What a mess! What a complete and utter mess.’
‘Yes. It really is. Please don’t cry, Vic.’ Danny coughed to clear his throat of emotion. ‘I don’t know how I’m ever going to get over what I’ve done to you.’
‘Well, you need to be brave, because what else can you do? We can’t change it. How are you feeling, anyway? Have youstarted any treatment or…’ The rain had stopped, so Vic pulled her hood back down.
‘No.’ Danny sighed. ‘It’s early days and it’s all about the CD4 and viral load, isn’t it? I’ve already forgotten which one has to be up and which one has to be down. I start treatment when one of them drops, I think.’
‘Yes, same for me.’ Vic yawned, throwing her cigarette butt into the sea. ‘If the viral load is high and the CD4 count drops then we’re in trouble.’ She took on a dramatic tone. ‘Then the ART begins!’ Her voice softened. ‘We’re never going to be free of this, even in our minds, are we?’
‘We will be. I hope. Like everything. In time,’ Danny replied sagely, in a staccato fashion.
Victoria stopped and looked up and down the beach. Granted, the weather wasn’t good, but it seemed eerily quiet considering it was that never-ending holiday period between Christmas and New Year. The pair walked along the water’s edge in silence for a while, until Danny spoke up. ‘Why are you not angrier with me, Vic? Being honest, I know I could never be as calm.’
‘Because we were having consensual sex, and you didn’t know. It’s just bad luck on my part. And what good would throwing anger in the mix do, when we are already feeling like shit and so full of fear?’
‘You are the coolest, strongest woman I think I have ever met, Victoria Sharpe.’ Danny threw his finished smoke into the water.
‘Maybe. But inside, there’s a whole disco of disaster going on with my immune system.’ They both laughed. ‘We are going to need each other, Danny Miller. To ride the stormy waters of this shit virus. Because I, for one, don’t think – even with all the best treatments in the world – this is going to be plain sailing.’
Danny stopped and clasped Victoria’s hand. He then clumsily pulled her towards him and brushed her lips with his.
Vic pulled away. ‘No… What are you doing?’
‘Maybe we should make a go of it.’ Danny became animated. ‘I’ve been thinking about it a lot.’
‘What, as in you and me together… as a couple?’
‘Why not? I mean, what’s the worst that can happen? And it means that we’ll never ever have the awful scenario of having to tell prospective partners. Because we will be partners.’
Vic shook her head. ‘Danny, stop it, you’re just knee-jerking…’
‘You can come and live with me down here. Sell your work in my gallery and…’ His voice tailed off. ‘We’ll never be alone, then, Vic. In sickness or in health.’
‘That all sounds like a very fucked-up happy ever after to me. When realistically you’ve never seen any of my work, and not forgetting I do still need to fathom what’s happening between me and Nate.’ Vic blew out a huge breath.
‘Come on, Vic, do you really think once Nate has thought this through, he will want to be with you?’
Vic opened her eyes wide with shock. ‘I can’t believe you just said that.’ Her voice turned into a wail. ‘Because if he doesn’t, that means that nobody probably will.’
‘But Vic, this is huge. Huge for anyone to take on. You could get ill; we don’t know what’s going to happen.’
Vic felt her stomach drop to her knees. ‘Stop! Danny Miller, just stop that right now.’
‘It’s the facts, Vic. We have to face them. We’re stuck with them.’
‘And each other? The ridiculous suggestion you just made about us being together… do we have to settle for that, too?’
‘Like you may be settling for Nate, you mean.’
‘I didn’t say that,’ Vic screamed. ‘And maybe I don’t want the facts right now, or ever, eh!’
The rain started tipping down again. Victoria strode forward towards the sea. ‘I could just walk into this ocean andkeep going, and it would be done. My life’s fucking over anyway.’ She started to sob. Danny ran to the frothing sea’s edge after her and grabbed her shoulders.
