They lay on their backs, staring at the ceiling. The only sound was their breathing—in, out, in, out—their inhalations and exhalations in perfect harmony.
Finally Ben whispered. “I meant what I said before. I don’t know what I would do without you, Spence.”
Spence took Ben’s large hand in his own smaller one and held on tight, remembering the times he had done the same thing as they had lain in the tree fort to escape the horror of Ben’s dad. But somehow this felt different. He didn’t know if it only felt different to him because of the mixed-up feelings he had for Ben or whether Ben felt the same. There was a time when he was guaranteed to know exactly what Ben was thinking, and he desperately wished the two of them could be like that again.
The way they were now was just too hard.
He felt Ben relax beside him, the grip on his fingers loosening, and could tell the moment he drifted off to sleep, Ben’s breathing slowing down and his hand going lax. It took a while, but gradually, Spence followed him into slumber.
In the early hours of the morning, Spence woke again to the realization that Ben was pressed up against him, his leg hooked over Spence’s. Spence was still lying on his back, but Ben had cuddled against him, and Spence had one arm behind Ben’s neck and the other resting on his hip. He held perfectly still, not wanting to move and break the moment, but he knew he had to do something before Ben woke up and freaked out. As he lay there pondering his next steps, he became aware that Ben’s breathing had changed.
“Ben?” he whispered.
Ben tilted his head and looked up at Spence in the dim light coming through the windows. The moonlight was not bright, but it gave enough light for Spence to make out the shine of Ben’s eyes.
Neither of them moved, caught in a spell that Spence was sure would break. But it didn’t. Instead, it was like a dream coming true. Ben moved against Spence as he tilted his face higher, moving closer to Spence’s own face, close enough that Spence could feel Ben’s warm breath against his mouth. Time stood still as Spence closed the small distance between them and brought his lips to Ben’s.
The kiss started slow and tentative, just a barely there brush of lips against lips, soft and gentle. For several minutes, they hardly moved, Spence mesmerised by the closeness, afraid to ruin the magic of the moment. He could feel Ben’s gentle exhalations ghosting over his skin, and his heart rate increased with a tremendous sense of expectation. Finally, he couldn’t bear it any longer and gave in to the temptation to deepen the kiss.
Spence drew the tip of his tongue gently along Ben’s lower lip before nudging at the seam of his mouth. He didn’t need to ask for entrance for long; Ben’s mouth opened, willingly accepting him. Their tongues touched as they licked and nipped and sucked at each other’s mouths. Ben tasted wonderful, as Spence had known he would, and he couldn’t get enough of his kisses. He still couldn’t believe he was kissing Ben and that Ben was kissing him back. But it wasn’t enough. He wanted to possess Ben, to bring him closer and wrap his arms around him. But God, he was scared. What if he tried to take things further and Ben rejected him? He had never been so frightened in all his life, wanting so much but so afraid in case he lost what he already had. His heartbeat raced, and his body pulsed.Oh, God.
Ben didn’t seem to have the same reservations Spence did. The kiss grew more heated, and Spence gasped as Ben pulled himself up, leaning over him. The move gave Ben more leverage to delve deeply into Spence’s mouth. The gentle scrape of his stubbled jaw was the most erotic thing Spence had ever felt, and he opened his mouth wider, groaning with pleasure and allowing Ben to take whatever he wanted.
The weight of Ben’s heavy body on his was amazing, and he wrapped his arms around Ben’s broad shoulders to pull him even closer. As his hands closed on Ben’s back, he felt the tense muscles, hardly able to believe that he could touch what he’d admired for so long. Gorgeous smooth skin over strong flexing muscles. It was intoxicating.
He moaned again and dug his fingers into Ben’s shoulders, dragging him closer. Ben responded by kissing him with even more passion, growing wilder as he ground his body into Spence’s. Spence’s cock was straining in his boxer briefs, and the pressure from Ben’s erection pushed hard against his own. As Ben ground against him, moving his hips in thrusting motions, the pressure started to build. After waiting so long for this, there was no way Spence could hold back. His body was a pressure cooker, just waiting to explode. Touching Ben and feeling Ben’s movements and the taste of him filling his mouth were almost too much, and he felt like he was going to short-circuit. As he moved against Ben’s body, now slick with sweat and smelling so deliciously musky and, well, smelling just like Ben, he knew this was exactly where he was supposed to be.
Spence groaned, echoing Ben’s moan as the heat increased.Oh God, oh God!The grasping hands, the devouring mouth, and the hard body against his, and knowing it wasBen—the pleasure was almost too much and there was no escape. Spence came, the most incredible fucking orgasm of his life.
It was everything he’d dreamed of, and there were now no doubts: he was definitely in love with his best friend!
* * *
Spence wokein the early dawn hours to the most amazing feeling—that of Ben pressed tightly to his side. As he luxuriated in the warmth of the body touching his and felt the gentle exhalations as Ben’s chest rose and fell with each breath, he knew he was exactly where his heart wanted to be. It felt sorightto be close to Ben, to be able to wrap his arms around the man he loved, to protect him and keep him safe from the world. It felt so right to smell the subtle apple fragrance of Ben’s shampoo when he turned his head and pressed his nose to Ben’s hair, and to feel the gentle scrape of his beard as he touched his cheek. Spence couldn’t believe the swell of happiness and the sense of love that filled his chest and brought tears to his eyes.God, I’m turning into a mushy mess!
A small smile played on his lips, but as his eyes started to close, other thoughts began to pervade his mind, preventing him from drifting back to sleep.What was I thinking?
Being with Spence wasn’t the sort of life that Ben wanted. Being with Spence would cause all sorts of problems for Ben, not the least of which was that his parents would never accept it. If they tried to make any sort of life together, Ian Cooper would stop at nothing to make Ben’s life hell, and Spence knew how bad that could be. Hadn’t Ben always said that the only thing he wanted out of life was his mother’s happiness and to make her proud? Ben’s family was important to him, and he wanted a simple life… and Spence definitely wasn’t part of a simple life.
He couldn’t help thinking how much more Suzie fitted into that future Ben spoke about, and how Ben had been happy with how their relationship was progressing. Spencer was just getting in the way, complicating the fuck out of everything. The more he thought, the colder he felt as he realised that what he wanted was not something that would ever really make Ben happy, and Ben’s happiness was what mattered most. Ben’s happiness waseverything.
He knew deep down that the only way to ensure Ben’s future was to remove himself from the equation. Sure, he could remain friends with Ben, assuming they could get past last night.Oh God, last night. Spence swallowed heavily—what if Ben had regrets with what had happened between them? He had been so upset that maybe he’d taken comfort wherever he could find it. Spence didn’t really think that was true, but how could he be sure? Last night had been… What? A temptation? A mistake. God, he wished he knew exactly what Ben had been thinking. He wanted to believe that Ben had feelings for him, but he’d never really confirmed an interest in guys. Not that he’d had much experience with girls either but…
Suzie!
Shit!Not only had he taken advantage of Ben’s emotional state, he’d come between Ben and his new girlfriend. He knew Ben would never be able to forgive himself for being disloyal to Suzie, it went against everything Ben believed in, and Spence knew he could never stand to see them together—especially after what he and Ben had shared last night.
Spence knew now, more than ever, that he needed to remove himself from the picture. He needed to be far away so that Ben could focus on his future with Suzie, the one everyone envisaged for him, and far enough away so that Spence wouldn’t have his heart ripped out every time he saw his best friend.
So, like a coward, he snuck out without waking Ben, leaving a part of his heart behind as he climbed from the bed they shared.
Once home, Spence hurriedly threw items into a suitcase. T-shirts, sweats, socks, briefs, jeans—all haphazardly crammed into the too-small space. Shoes were shoved into a sports bag, along with toiletries and a phone charger. He threw in his e-reader, laptop, and associated cords, not taking the time to coordinate his packing because slowing down meant thinking. Keeping busy kept his thoughts at bay.What about work? Fuck, I’ll have to sort something out.But he shoved his suit, a couple of shirts, and ties into a suit bag and hung it onto the door handle; not that he was sure he’d need them where he was going.
Not that he knew where he was going. He just knew he needed to get away. And to stay away long enough that Ben and Suzie could cement whatever it was that was developing between them.
He finally stopped the manic packing and took a deep breath, sinking down onto the bed and trying to calm down. He needed to organise his thoughts and come up with a plan—so damn hard when his heart was breaking.
As he sat on the bed and contemplated his next steps, his mum came to the door and gently knocked before pushing the half-open door the rest of the way.
