The past few weeks have been lived as an intense duel between guilt and chaos inside my heart. With every thing I kept from Nero, every time I used his absence to keep up with the requirements of the selection process—knowing that our short time was becoming shorter still while I did it—I felt my heart shrink.
I wanted to tell him. I need to tell him. I just can’t—and I don’t know why. All I wanted tonight was to get lost in his arms.
I feel like crying, but after spending the day in a very realistic emergency-response training, I don’t have the energy for it. I let out a long breath and lift my phone to eye level.
I press the power button and the device doesn’t respond, just as dead now as it has been for the last few hours. My mind can’t decide whether it wants to think about what excuse it will give Nero for this unforgivable no-show or if it prefers to pretend that—at least for tonight—I don’t have to deal with it.
I pass through the turnstiles, leaving the ferry terminal, and follow the flow of people toward the cobblestone streets so characteristic of Khione. My shoulders rise and fall with every deep breath I take, none of them doing anything to ease my physical and emotional exhaustion.
None of them prepare me for finding Nero, arms crossed, leaning against his car, waiting for me at the terminal exit.
I stop immediately, and the woman behind me bumps into my back.
I turn, apologizing. She waves it off and keeps going, eager to get home.
The rest of the people behind me disperse, some to the right, others to the left, avoiding further collisions. I squeeze my eyes shut before turning forward again. If every hair on my body weren’t standing on end, I’d suspect Nero’s presence was nothing more than a trick of my overactive imagination—and that when I turned back, the space where I’d seen him would be empty.
That’s not what happens.
My eyes find him in the same place, in the same position. What is he doing here? How did he know I was coming back from Athens? None of those questions, however, takeprecedence over the one I still don’t have—not to receive, but to give.
I give my exhausted brain a mental round of applause, warning it that we don’t have the whole night anymore. It needs to come up with explanations—and it needs to do it now.
My slow steps aren’t intentional, even if they’re convenient. After a few minutes, I finally reach Nero.
“Hi,” I say softly.
“Hi, Nina,” Nero replies, pressing a quick kiss to my lips before pulling away and opening the passenger door for me. I accept and sink into the leather seat, immediately surrounded by my boyfriend’s scent. Every bone in my body sings with relief.
My tired feet throb, and I slip off my shoes, letting them fall. I close my eyes. I could fall asleep. The thought is brief—I think I actually doze for two seconds—but I’m awakened by the sound of Nero’s door closing as he gets in and takes the wheel.
No questions are asked. Nero simply starts the car, and the silence I thought would be welcome becomes oppressive after a few minutes.
I break it.
“How did you know I’d be here?” I ask. He lets out a short, low, dry laugh.
“Your mother told me. She was worried you’d miss the last ferry.” I nod, feeling my heart tighten at his tone.
“Can I borrow your phone? I want to call her—mine’s been dead for hours.”
“You can,” he says, and I reach toward the console where his phone rests. “You know the passcode. But I already told her I found you and that I’m taking you home.”
I pull my hand back, giving up after hearing that.
“Thank you,” I say. He answers with a nod.
“Are you okay?” I ask. He lets out another of those awful short laughs.
“No, Nina. I’m not okay.”
“What happened?” Nero glances away from the road just long enough to look at me for a second.
“What happened?” he repeats. “Are you really asking me that, Nina?”
I exhale and close my eyes, feeling my temples throb.
“I’m sorry I missed our dinner. I missed the earlier ferry, the tickets for the next one were sold out, and I only managed to come back on the last. My phone died—I couldn’t warn you. I know it’s a shitty situation, but my day was so exhausting, Nero. If that’s why you’re upset, I’ve stood around waiting too, a few times, so I think I’ve got some credit left.”
