THAYER:Florence didn’t fail that challenge.(Pause)You did.
(CUT.)
Episode 17: Cursed with a Kiss
To say that I’m embarrassed about my reaction to today’s challenge in a gross understatement. In truth, I’m mortified.
Again.
That happens a lot on this goddamn show.
No one else had a panic attack like I did. No one else was even worried about the events of the day. Except maybe Petal and Tristan, but that was only because my panic leaked into my scent and bled onto them. But even then, they were able to keep their calm.
I on the other hand completely broke down.
I cringe at the memory. The whining, the tears, the way I couldn’t get a full breath.
The horror makes me dig deeper into the mound of blankets I have over myself. Thank god my cabana has AC that lets me make it frigid in here, because the number of blankets and pillows my omega needs to soothe herself tonight is obscene.
The words of the other cast members, of the crew, ring in my ears. Sidelong glances and glares, pitying looks that were thrown my way during the rejection ceremony this evening. The surprise when I wasn’t removed from the show—mine and everyone else’s.
Too emotional, even for an omega.
Not levelheaded enough to be a princess.
Fantastic actress.
Manipulative.
Feral.
Fake.
All bullshit I know shouldn’t bother me but does.
Mostly because it's just proving again and again how bad of a fit I am for the Ashbourne Pack. The pack that I am rapidly coming to care about. Even though I know I shouldn’t let that happen. I certainly didn’t expect it to.
I came here thinking I’d have a safe environment to ease into being around alphas again, that I’d somehow cure myself of my fear of an alpha’s dominance. It's worked to some extent.
Maybe a little too well.
I almost think I could tolerate a bark from them—maybe. On a good day. If I trusted it was for safety. Or maybe even if it wasn’t for safety.
I don’t know if my newfound trust will extend to other alphas though. I doubt it will.
Still, I suppose it's good to know I can get over the fear. When I get home I’ll have to try again. Go to a scent clinic like Haven suggested, find a pack that smells like mine, and thenhave the entire Calloway pack hover until I feel comfortable with them.
That would probably work.
So why does my omega feel so freaking sullen about that prospect?
Why do I?
Because you always hoped you’d meet your pack naturally. That they’d see you on the street and just know you’re their omega, that they would do anything to make you theirs.
I’m a freaking romantic at heart,I acknowledge to myself.I want the fairytale.
I’ve always known that about myself.
