It's half of the reason I didn’t match with any of the packs while I was at the academy… Well a quarter at least. None of them hit the way I believed my pack would.
It's a shame that the only pack that has, is the Royal Ashbourne pack. A pack that will never be mine.
A whine works its way out of my chest as I burrow even further into my pillows, nestling my head under a mound of them.
What I could really use is my phone, so I could call Haven or my mom and have them talk me down from the lingering panic that I can’t seem to shake. Or maybe my therapist would be better, since she’s, you know, qualified to help me with it.
I wonder if they’d let me if I told them it's a mental health emergency.
Anyone who saw me today would believe it.
Unless they think I was acting.
I almost wish I was.
It would be easier if that was the case. If I hadn’t felt such unimaginable fear and panic in front of fifteen cameras and thirty people and the freaking royal pack.
Though… their response wasperfect, if I’m honest.
Well, Piers, Courtland and Thayer’s was. Forsythe and Grieves… I know they had to play their part first. Know that they have certain things they’re required to do because of the queen and their station. Anyone even halfway paying attention can see the way they're favoring Isadora, an omega they’ve known for years and still haven’t claimed yet.
Is anyone going to believe it took a reality show for them to ‘realize’ she’s their mate? On camera? That they haven’t scented her before?
It's so clearly rigged that it's laughable.
And yet. The three of them came to me, came to get me out. To free me and soothe me. Court threatened one of the producers to get the code to my lock, before that I heard Thayer and Piers tearing at my cage trying to take it apart with their bare hands.
They would have done that with any other omega in distress, I tell myself.Any alpha would.
Well, not any alpha, but most. The good ones would.
Still if it had been Petal that had a complete breakdown, they would have done the same. It's their instinct, their need to protect and care for any omega in their vicinity.
Forsythe made my position here very clear when he asked me to stay away from Piers, when he said he doesn’t want to see his beta’s heart break. I think that extends to the rest of the pack, too. To himself as well. He’s trying to do what’s best for everyone, and I had to make it harder today.
God, I should just go home, shouldn’t I?
I’m not going to be able to come back from this.
The embarrassment is… immense.
And now I can’t stop thinking about Court’s arms around me cradling me close to his chest. The soft way Thayer said killer, how he begged me to breathe so he could calm his alpha.The way Piers kept me tucked into his side, plying me with water and snacks, ensuring I had everything I needed to come down from my attack, until I fell asleep propped up on his shoulder, crashing from the adrenaline.
God, the way they took care of me, made me feel safe and secure. Even Grieves and Forsythe, once they’d done their duty and pulled Isadora out had come to check on me, been reluctant to leave my side to help the other omegas.
Don’t read anything into it, Ren.
Don’t you dare.
Too bad it's too late.
With a sigh I roll onto my back and push the blankets off my face and shoulders, sucking in a breath of AC chilled air. Strands of hair stick to my sweaty face and I brush them away, staring hard at the ceiling.
Yeah, I should go home.
Just bow out now.
Forsythe was right to worry about the state of my heart. I know I’m not their omega. It's been hammered into me from the moment I arrived, but with every interaction with the Ashbourne pack, I can feel them working their way under my skin, into my heart. And even though I’m not in love with them… I can tell it’s going to hurt when they do eventually send me home. Badly.
