I’d never met Hollis’grandparents until tonight. I remembered them being at Hollis’ football game that one night I helped the team. His grandfather was a retired psychologist. It kind of creeped me out that his grandpa was in the same profession as my dad had been. Well, somewhat the same. Dad could prescribe drugs.
Hollis’ parents and grandmother were talking about getting a bedroom set up for me. Were they going to keep me? Everyone was so kind and kept trying to make things easier and more comfortable for me.
I still worried about what Charles and Kristin thought about me. Especially with the self-inflicted wound on my neck from the phone cord. It was decided that I would sleep in Hollis’ bed tonight and he’d sleep on the floor. I felt kind of bad about that, but at the same time I thought I might actually be able to sleep.
Hollis left me in the bathroom with some of his clean clothes and showed me where everything was. I sat on the edge of the tub, unsure of what to do. I had so many bandages on me and felt gross from everything at the hospital. I needed to take a shower for my own sanity. I snapped out of it and hurried to start the shower before the painkiller wore off. I was able to get all of the bandages off and didn’t let myself look at them to see the blood.
“Fuck,” I mumbled when I stood under the shower spray.
I bit the inside of my mouth to keep from crying out as the shampoo and soap burned several wounds and welts on my body. I had the water on a warm setting because I’d felt so cold, but all of a sudden, I felt extremely warm and like I could be sick. I turned the faucet to cold and hurried to rinse off.
Even though the water spray hurt, it was the first time I’d taken a shower in a long time where I wasn’t petrified that someone would barge in on me and hurt me.
I pulled on the clean underwear and brushed my teeth using the new toothbrush Hollis’ grandpa got for me. I couldn’t reach the place on my back to put the fresh bandage, so I stared at the bathroom counter while I decided how to ask for help.
Just ask.
I wrapped the towel around my shoulders to cover my back before I opened the bathroom door. Hollis was fluffing pillows and had propped them against his headboard when he turned to look at me. What I hadn’t expected was to see Charles and Kristin in the room. Kristin was putting another blanket on the bed, and Charles stood in the doorway to the bedroom talking to Hollis’ grandfather.
“Oh, um…” I began, but then closed my mouth and looked down.
“Hey,” Hollis said and hurried over. He glanced down and then frowned. “Did you want some different clothes to sleep in? I can grab them.”
“No. The ones you gave me are fine. Um, I… I can’t reach the places on my back for the Band-Aids,” I whispered.
“Oh, right. Sorry. Dad,” Hollis said, catching his dad’s attention.
“Patrick, ready for some bandages?” Charles asked as he came closer.
In his hand he carried the medicated ointment that was supposed to go on my cuts for a few days. I nodded and stepped back in the bathroom. Hollis came too and watched his dad put the medicine on my cuts and cover them. My ears burned as they looked at my body and talked.
“Remember, Hollis, if you’re doing this, make sure the sticky portion of the Band-Aid doesn’t touch any part of the cut. Otherwise, it’ll be uncomfortable for him.”
“Okay, I won’t forget.”
* * *
I wokeup from a nightmare and had forgotten where I was at. Hollis tried waking me up and I’d forgotten I was at his home. I couldn’t go back to sleep easily; I never really could when I’d wake up from a nightmare. Hollis and I played Uno until neither of us could keep our eyes open. It took my mind off the nightmare. I’d never had someone stay up with me like this.
I woke up a few hours later to my stomach hurting. My stomach always ached whenever I had an erection, and I closed my eyes, willing it to go away. I moved my hand to hold against my stomach and it was then that I realized my hand was against Hollis’ crotch.Fuck.That would be one surefire way to get kicked out of their house. I quickly pulled my hand off him and held it against my stomach.
Sixteen years old/10th Grade/April
Hollis’ bathroom was huge and had two sinks, so both of us could get ready pretty much at the same time. After I brushed my teeth and put some deodorant on, Hollis took the bandages off of my back and then gently wiped away the excess medicine. His hands were calm and gentle when he put the fresh Band-Aids over the wounds. I flinched and jerked away when he pressed the end of a Band-Aid over a cut on my lower back.
“Does that hurt?” Hollis asked and then reached out to put his hand on my upper arm.
“No, sorry—”
“No? Are you sure, because you moved away from me.”
“No, it’s okay.”
“Did I scare you? You know I won’t hurt you.”
“No. I mean, no, you didn’t scare me.”
“Then what, Patrick? Please talk to me and tell me. If something hurts, please tell me so I know not to do it again. You can’t keep secrets from me. You don’t need to keep secrets from me. I won’t get mad.”
