This advice could be the best or the worst.
Stop wasting time.
She’s not wrong. It’s what we’ve been doing because going back to Jaxon feels inevitable at this point. I threw my fit. I took my time to “get over him.”
Only I didn’t.
Because I still want him. Everything has led me back to him. Even if it’s just been my thoughts. All this time—it’s been him.
And now that he’s agreed to meet me, I can’t wait to tell him.
I so badly want to do it now, but that’ll ruin the plan. So I text Amelia instead.
Me: Tomorrow night! He agreed!
Amelia: GIRL YAASS!
I laugh. Her enthusiasm is going to get me into trouble one of these days.
Needing to keep myself busy, I gather my things to take an everything shower. I need to be clean for tomorrow, and better to get all my shaving and hair washing done tonight, rather than stressing about it tomorrow. I can wash up again before I go, but I should get all the stuff that takes forever done tonight.
I spend about forty-five minutes in the shower, unsure how my water doesn’t run cold.
When I get out, there is a text waiting for me from Sam.
I finish drying off, get dressed, and leave my hair up in a towel to dry. I’ll worry about it tomorrow because now I’m tired and don’t feel like blow-drying it.
Once I’m settled in bed, I open up Sam’s message.
Sam: How are you feeling?
Me: I’m okay. How are you?
Sam: Still feeling weird about the entire thing.
Sam: Will you ever tell me what’s going on?
I chew on the inside of my cheek as I think about what to say back. I’ve done a lot of hiding from Sam, and all I’ve wanted from him was friendship. Maybe that starts with some honesty.
Me: Can I be honest with you?
Sam: Sailor, I would love nothing more than for you to be honest with me.
Me: I think you’ll judge me if I tell you the truth.
And that is the truth. It always has been. It’s why I never told him anything about me. Sam doesn’t give off the vibes that he’d be okay with something like that, and maybe that’s just me, butit’s how I felt and why I didn’t say anything in the first place. He isn’t the type.
Sam: I would never.
Sam: We’re friends. I accept you for who you are and the choices you’ve made.
“Yeah, you say that now,” I mutter to myself.
What do I have to lose? I don’t think I can ruin our relationship anymore than it already is. And maybe this is what we need to mend things.
Me: What do you know about the kink community?
The bubbles dance for a while. I hold my breath, wondering if I made a mistake.
