"Will you teach me to defend myself? To fight back?" I ask softly.
He nods. "We all will."
I nod back.
More silence.
"It's not because I don't like cuddling with you, T."
It takes me a minute. I shrug.
"It's not you. I mean it. It's just…" He sighs. "This is embarrassing as shit. It's just, you're changing and I'm changing and every time we lay like this, I get hard." He chuckles when I startle. "I can't help it. You're all curvy and soft and you smell so fucking good all the time. Any guy would react the same being this close to you."
"Oh. So, you get like this with all the girls now," I say flatly. Lovely. I'm not special at all. I thought… who cares anymore what I thought. I want to pull away but I don't want him to know how much this affects me.
"No. Not all girls. I haven't been close like this with anyone but you."
"You don't have to say that, X. It's okay—"
He rolls half on top of me. "I haven't been."
I swallow and nod.
"I want to kiss you," he whispers, looking at my mouth.
"Do it."
So he does. He presses his lips against mine, softly, tentatively at first. But the pressure increases and when he licks my lips I gasp.
"Open your mouth for me. Let's be each other's real first kiss."
He doesn't hesitate. His lips touch mine and without hesitation, he flicks his tongue again, and I open for him. I try to follow his lead, and after a few minutes it feels so damn good I pull him closer. He lies on top of me, between my legs and I can feel he really is hard. For me. I blush thinking about it, but this kiss.
We kiss for what feels like forever and I promise myself I'll remember every second of it.
He kisses my chin and I whisper his name. He groans softly and kisses me again. When we finally pull back, he looks down at me.
"That was so fucking hot," he tells me.
I can't hide my grin. "Yeah, it was."
"We can tell each other anything, right?" he probes.
"Of course," I answer, and I mean it.
"You've always been beautiful to me, Tera, but you're turning into a knockout. You're going to have no trouble finding a boyfriend. Just be sure to pick the right ones. Don't pick ones like us guys," he says, meaning the boys.
"Why not?" I ask, confused.
"We're no good. We won't do you right and you'll get hurt because of it. I don't want that for you. You deserve so much better."
Tears sting the backs of my eyes. I nod. "Okay."
"Okay," he agrees with a nod. He doesn't look happy. He is so confusing.
He lies back down next to me, pulling me into him.
"Thanks for being my first real kiss," I whisper.
