I dry heave on the floor. Bile erupts from my mouth and onto the floor.
Eddie curls his lip in disgust. "There'll be no kissing after that. You'll just get it like I normally give it."
He walks over to me, where I'm crab-crawling backwards to get away. I bump into the living room table. I'm not fast enough to get around it and away. He's on me in a heartbeat.
He trails a dirty finger up between my breasts after he pins me down with his body. Panic infuses me. I struggle. I fight. I kick and scream. He just laughs.
"You want to play rough? I like it rough," he whispers in my ear with a chuckle. My mom laughs in the background. Eddie rips my shirt up the middle, exposing me to him. My cotton bra covers my breasts and he leans in to lick between them.
I scream. "No! Mom! Stop him! Stop!"
"Tera! Wake up!" Someone shakes me. "Tera! Baby, please wake up!"
I fight. "No, get off of me! Stop!"
"Tera, it's me. It's Xan," he soothes.
I struggle, then slow. "Xan?"
"Yeah, you were having a nightmare," he tells me, his face pale.
I push my hair out of my sweat-covered face. "I'm so sorry."
How humiliating.
"No. You have nothing to be sorry for."
"Xan?"
"Yeah, T."
"I know you don't like to, but can I cuddle with you. Just this once?" I plead. I need to feel him around me. We might sleep in the same bed, but for the past six months we sleep on opposite sides—his doing, not mine. I think it's because I'm changing. We're both changing. It just makes me want to cling to him more, to what we are—were. But he wants to pull back.
"Yeah. C'mere," he tells me after settling back on the pillows.
I lay down next to him, my head on his shoulder, his arm holding me close. I rest my hand over his heart.
"I fucking hate this," he bites out.
I immediately recoil, moving away. I knew he didn't want to be close, but I didn't think I was repulsive. Then again, I'm tainted now. I'm trash just like Eddie said.
"I didn't mean it like that, Tera. Stay," he beckons.
"You sure?" I ask. "I don't want to impose."
"Shut up and come here." He tugs my hand and I fall into him. "I meant, I hate that this happened."
"Oh." I'm not sure what to say. I hate it too. I hate being a victim.
"If you have to go to that house, you take us with you," he commands.
I don't say anything. All I keep hearing in my head isvictim. Trash. Victim. Trash.I don't want to be either.
"I mean it, T. No matter what we're doing. You take us with you. You don't go there alone anymore," Xan bites out.
I sigh. "All right."
We lay in silence for a few minutes and I begin to relax.
