“I know.” Laurence didn’t push the issue. Alex didn’t need to be burdened by anythingelse.
“I understand if you want to leave,” Alex whispered. The idea shook Laurence, and he shut his eyes and weathered the storm. “You didn’t ask for this. It isn’t your fault. You need to keep your job, and even if she’s not legally allowed to fire you, I know she could make your life miserable. I don’t want you to be forced into quitting because of a toxic work environment. I started this, and I’ll end it. I won’t force you tostay.”
“End it?” Laurence pressed his lips against the side of Alex’s head. No matter what, he wouldn’t let Alex believe that his feelings had changed. They hadn’t. “Do you not want to see meanymore?”
Alex pulled away from him, his eyes watery. “What?”
“You said that you started it, so you’ll end it. I take that to mean what you’ve started withme.”
“Because youwantto leave.” Alex spoke it like Laurence had already told him as much. “We aren’t even officially dating. Why would you want to stay? I thought that maybe if I was just pregnant, it would be okay… but with mymom…”
Laurence ran his fingers from Alex’s scalp down his neck, and Alex shivered and came undone like a doll unstitched thread by thread. His eyes fluttered closed, and he laid his head upon Laurence’s shoulder. Laurence kept his touchgentle.
“Because no problem is unsolvable,” Laurence whispered. His words disturbed the tiny hairs by Alex’s ear. “Every issue we’re facing is a point of data, and all data can be analyzed and processed. It can be sorted, made sense of, and categorized. All we need to do is figure out how to sort what’s happened and figure out how to recover fromit.”
“Then you’re not upset about the pregnancy?” Alex spoke the words into Laurence’sshoulder.
Laurence leaned his head against Alex’s. He spoke softly. “Upset? No. I’m… surprised. Shocked. I’m disappointed in myself, because I should have known better. But at the same time, Ifeel…”
What did he feel? For years now, he’d tuned out his interpersonal relationships and ignored his sexual impulses. He’d denied himself for so long that his emotions were foreign to him. The usual suspects were easy to identify, but beyond that? Laurence didn’tknow.
What he did know was that he wasn’t done with Alex. The life growing inside him was accidental, but if anything, it bonded Laurence to him more. When he’d been younger and more naïve, he’d dreamed of the family he would have with Ann. Those dreams had never come to fruition, and he’d moved on from them. Butnow?
Now, there was nothing holding him back. He was older, established, and certain about what he wanted from life. Even if things didn’t turn out with Alex, he wanted this. Laurence’s gut reaction to the news was complex, but his heart knew the truth. It was simple. He was ready to startagain.
“I feel ready.” It was the best Laurence could do. He smiled at Alex, showing him that there was nothing to be worried about. “It’s sudden, and it’s shocking, and it’s going to change our lives, but that doesn’t mean that it’s going to change them for theworse.”
“So you’re not going to leave?” Alex’s voice was smaller than before, a tiny utterance that barely traversed the space betweenthem.
“I’m not going to leave.” Laurence smoothed back his hair. “I wouldn’t leave you for something like this. You’re separate from your problems… fromourproblems. We’ll work thisout.”
A shudder ran through Alex, and he buried his face against Laurence’s chest as it passed. His behavior was markedly different than that of the young man that Laurence had met a few weeks ago, but Laurence took it to mean that Alex was letting him in. The hurt he’d harbored inside was being cut loose. The more he exposed it to the world, the more the world would chip away at it until it was nomore.
“What can I do for you right now?” Laurence whispered. He kept stroking Alex’s hair, hoping it might help to calm him down. “Whatever it is, it’syours.”
“I need you to promise that if we do this, you’re not going to hurt me.” Alex didn’t move his head, and he spoke the words flush against Laurence’s shoulder. “I don’t want you to say that you’re going to stay only for you to leave. If this isn’t what you want, you need to tell me now so I don’t getattached.”
“I’m not going to leave,” Laurence repeated. He would say it as many times as it took to get it through Alex’s head. “I’m not going to leave you. I’m not going to feed you false promises. You’re worth more thanthat.”
“You don’t even know me,” Alexmurmured.
“I know you well enough to say that I want to get you know you better.” Laurence closed his eyes. “You’re worth sticking around for. You’re worth the struggle. You’re worth my time,Alex.”
Alex let loose with a sudden sob. He pushed back from Laurence abruptly, hitting his thighs against the supply table. Laurence went to brace him, but Alex shied away from histouch.
“Alex?” Laurence asked uncertainly. “What’s goingon?”
“It’s not true,” Alex uttered. He brushed the tears away from his cheeks. “You don’t know who I am… what I’ve done. I’m not worth your sympathy. I’m not worth anything atall.”
“Then tellme.”
No more tears fell. Alex laughed instead. “You want to know what I’ve done? Who Iam?”
“Yes.” Laurence needed to hear it. He’d known since the start that there was something deeper going on with Alex—a history that he hid behind a charismatic shield. TeenDad2 had filled him in on some of the details, but he needed to hear the full story from Alexhimself.
“No more lies, huh?” Alex grinned, but the hesitance behind his expression robbed it of its radiance. “I’m… not a good person. I do things that would make my mothers ashamed of me. I take what I want from others, and then I leave broken hearts behind. I live by rules that no one else follows, and the games I play are always at the detriment of the other players.Always.”
That was the part of the story Laurence knew. It was no surprise. What he wanted was what remained unspoken—the origin of that sentiment. “Why?”
