“Why?” Alex’s brow furrowed and he cocked his head to the side, reminiscent of the night Laurence had methim.
“Yes.Why?”
Silence lingered between them. Alex shook his head. He lifted a hand to his face to hide his eyes, and when he spoke, he did so in a low, begrudging voice that Laurence struggled to hear. “Until I met you, I’d never known a man who didn’t want to use me. So I decided that to keep my heart safe—to feel better about the loss I’d suffered—I’d use them first. I’d break every heart I could to avenge the hurt done tomine.”
“Whathappened?”
Alex looked at him as though the question was a trap. He folded his arms across his chest and shook his head. “It’s… notimportant.”
“If it made you act out like that, it had to be important.” Laurence pushed gently, just like he would have done if Matthew were the one reluctant to share what had been done to him. He had to be patient, and he had to be fair. If Alex was as broken as Laurence suspected he was, he needed to be cared for. Whatever happened, Laurence would be there to provide him with the comfort he needed. “I won’t judge you. All I want to do islisten.”
Alex chuckled darkly. He traced a hand over his stomach, attracting Laurence’s gaze. Seeing him acknowledge his pregnancy stirred something in Laurence—arousal, pride, and a fierce urge to protect. He’d put that baby inside of Alex, and he’d be the one there to provide forit.
“When I was seventeen, I met a guy.” Alex’s hand stilled over his navel. His stomach was still flat—he’d only just conceived—but Laurence imagined how it would swell, and how beautiful Alex would look glowing and heavy with child. Their child. The thought excited him more than it terrified him now. The startling chemistry they shared had been turned into something real. “He pursued me relentlessly. I was young, and I’d only just started going into heat, but I thought I knew it all. The second I turned eighteen, I moved in with him. He’d shower me with gifts, tell me every day how special and wonderful I was, always remind me of how much he lovedme…”
“At eighteen,” Laurencemurmured.
“Mmhm. At eighteen. And imagine my surprise when, a few months after moving in with him, all the lovely, wonderful things he was doing for me stopped.” Alex laughed dryly. He shook his head, but kept his hand over his stomach as if to protect it. “It was like someone had flipped a switch, and the man I’d thought I was in love with wasn’t there anymore. He’d yell at me for leaving dishes in the sink, for forgetting to turn off a light, for letting the apartment get dirty, even though it was all his shit cluttering the place up… but every time he exploded at me, he did it in a way that made me feel like I was the one who’d done wrong. He always twisted the knife just that little bit more so I’d feel like total shit. I was so desperate for his love, I’d do anything to prove to him that I wasn’t a fuck-up.” Alex frowned. “So when he asked me if I’d let him take my heat, I said yes. I thought that having a baby might make him love me like he’d used to, and that if I did as he said, I’d show him how serious I was about ourrelationship.”
A lump rose in Laurence’s throat. How many young omegas shared the same story? As an alpha, he’d never thought about it much—in his mind, abuse like that was uncommon. Omegas were of equal status now. The world hadchanged.
It hurt him to know that not all beliefs had changed along withit.
“So I let my heat come. I didn’t medicate. I didn’t even put myself on birth control. He took me to bed and fucked me until my mind went hazy from the heat, and I woke up four days later disoriented, badly in need of water, andalone.”
“Alone?” Laurenceasked.
Alex glanced down. “He’d left me after the scent of my heat faded enough that it wasn’t turning him on anymore. I’m pretty sure he didn’t try to take care of me at all when we were in bed together. I spent the rest of the day taking care of myself to try to get back to normal, and when he came home that night and I approached him about what the plan was now that I was pregnant, he acted sweet and kind, just like he had been way back before we’d livedtogether.”
With a small sigh, Alex looked up. He bit his bottom lip, closed his eyes for a moment, and continued his story. “About a week later, he snapped and… well. He made sure that I wasn’t pregnant anymore.” The look in Alex’s eyes dulled. “It took me a while to recover from my injuries, but I couldn’t take back what had been done. He’d stolen my choice, and so I went crying back to my parents and begged them to help set me up with an apartment. I had no money and no job. I’d been painting for a while, but he’d always told me what I did was shit, and that it was stupid to waste money on art. I’d never make a living at it, after all.” Alex scratched the back of his head and chuckled. “I guess I proved him wrong. I never saw him again, and ever since then, I told myself that no man was worth it. I got back at him and tried to heal the hole he’d left in me by using as many men as I could. Older men—men who I thought would only want to use me as a toy before throwing me away. It felt good to use themfirst.”
“And so when you foundme…”
“I was planning on using you up and throwing you away.” Alex cocked his head to the side, refusing to meet Laurence’s gaze. “I told you, I’m a bad person. You shouldn’t stickaround.”
“But you didn’t cast me aside.” Laurence dared reach out again. This time, Alex didn’t flinch. He laid his hand on Alex’s arm and stroked slowly. “You didn’t hurtme.”
“I’d planned on doingit.”
“But did you follow itthrough?”
Alex was silent. He lookedmiserable.
“You didn’t.” Laurence squeezed his arm. “What happened to you was horrible, and the scars you carry are understandable. It doesn’t make what you did in response right—” Alex tensed and ducked his gaze, but Laurence wouldn’t have it. He cupped Alex’s chin and lifted his head until they looked eye to eye. Fear shimmered in Alex’s eyes, and Laurence finally understood why. He’d moved on from his situation, but there was no moving on from his memories. He hid his uncertainty and hurt behind a mask of confidence. That mask was gone now, and Laurence hoped that it would never come back. “—but you’re different now, aren’t you? Your heart haschanged.”
“I don’t understand why you think I’m still worth it,” Alex murmured. “You could leave right now. It’s not like you have tostay.”
Laurence closed his eyes. He rested his forehead against Alex’s, Alex gasping in response to the sudden contact. His hand moved from Alex’s cheek to the back of his head, fingers threaded through his hair. “You’re right. I don’t have to stay.” Even now, with Alex miserable and his heart burdened by the revelation of Alex’s past, Laurence felt the spark between them. He’d found the one he was meant to care for—the one who needed him. He would give of himself selflessly. “But I want to stay. I want to keep you safe and teach you how much you mean. Whatever wrongs he did to you, I want to undo. You are precious, Alex. You deserve happiness, kindness, and love. What can I do to prove it toyou?”
When Alex spoke, he did so in a whisper, each word spoken delicately, like if he wasn’t careful, his tongue would shatter them before they even left his mouth. “Take mehome.”
No matter how long it took to prove to Alex that he was worthwhile, and no matter how daunting the obstacles in their path, he would persevere. The young man before him was worth thestruggle.
Laurence took himhome.
27
Alex
