“It’s… different.” Cedric floundered for meaning. Explanation didn’t come easily. “It’s not the same as when Brittany died, but it’s… it’s hurtful in the same way. I lost him. Through my actions, I lost him, and I know I’m never gettinghimback.”
“With an attitude like that, you’re not.” Oli leaned over to snag his beer from the table. He set it to his lips and drank, then took in a loud, satisfied gulp of air. “The difference between Brittany and Gabriel is that with Brittany, you have closure. There’s no coming back from beyond the grave, unless we’re talking seriously-messed-up-horror-movieshit.”
Cedric shot Oli a glance, and Oli hid his grin behind his beer. When he was done, he set the bottle on the table and rolled hisshoulders.
“Not helping,”Cedricsaid.
“Details. Details.” Oli waved a hand dismissively. “But you know what? I mean, apart from my little tangent, you can see what I’m getting at. There is nothing you can do about Brittany, and you know it. You have closure. It might not be the closure you want, but you can’t deny it’sthere.”
Cedric bit his tongue. What Oli said wasn’t meant to hurt, but that didn’t mean his words didn’t claw atCedric’ssoul.
Oli leaned forward, his eyes narrowed conspiratorially. “But you know, with Gabriel, you can still make things right. You might have sent him off in a selfless act of love, but you know what? You know where Sterling lives. That’s his brother-in-law, right? You can track him down, and when you do, you can talk to him about what you’re feeling. You can work things out. You may have made a mistake, but that doesn’t mean you have to keep reliving that mistake forever. You can make thingsright.”
“I’m making them right by staying thehellaway.”
“No.” Oli’s eyes flashed. “You’re making them wrong by staying the hell away, and you can’t convince meotherwise.”
Silence fell. Cedric stewed in those words. Oli didn’t understand because he didn’t know Gabriel in the way Cedric did. Until he knew how delicate and broken Gabriel was, he’d never really get it. But Cedric also knew that there was truth in what Oli said. As long as they were both still alive, there was always a chance to make things right. He’d spent the last week licking his wounds and feeling miserable about himself, but the truth of the matter was, he’d acted with integrity. He’d done what was necessary for Gabriel, and he’d acted with his best interest at heart. There was a chance that, given time, he could recover from this—thattheycould recover from this. In a few years, when Gabriel was in a better mental state and adjusted to the world, thenmaybe…
Cedric’s phone rang. He jumped, and Oli hopped off the armrest he’d been perching on and went to sit on the couchagain.
Sterling was ontheline.
“Shit,” Cedric muttered. The timing was too coincidental—Sterling’s call was a sign from the universe, either that he was never meant to ever patch things up with Gabriel, or that he was. Cedric couldn’t tell which. Heart in his throat, Cedric answered the call. “Hello?”
“Good evening, Cedric.” Sterling was cordial as always. “Gabriel has just come home, so the house is vacated and safe for you to re-enter. Are you sure you don’t want me to send a cleaning crew in to make sure the house is tidy when yougetback?”
“No. No, that’s not necessary.” Cedric rubbed his eyes and tried to let go of the tension in his chest. “Thank you for letting me know. I reallyappreciateit.”
“You’re welcome.” Sterling paused. It sounded like there was something more he wanted to say, but if there was, it went unsaid. “Have a goodnight.”
“Youtoo.”
Cedric took the phone from his ear. The call time froze—Sterling hadhungup.
“I’m guessing that wasn’t your dentist.” Oli laid back on the couch and turned his head to look at Cedric. “You’regoinghome?”
“Yeah.” Back to a house that would be too quiet, and whose rooms held memories Cedric didn’t want to recall. “Thanks for hosting me this past week. I reallyappreciateit.”
Oli chuckled. “Hey, having a built-in dishwasher slave isn’t so bad. You know, I could get used to this whole cohabitation thing. If you ever need a roommate, just letmeknow.”
“You’ll find a boyfriend before that happens,” Cedric told him. He got up from the armchair and put his phone back in his pocket. “Then you’re not going to want anything to do with a roommate. Why have someone living in your house who cooks and cleans for you when you could have all that plus asexlife?”
Oli raised a brow. “Right, because I’ve had so many men fighting each other for thechance.”
The humor in Oli’s words gave Cedric hope, and he shook off some of his melancholy. He’d move onward, and as he did, what was meant to happen would happen. All he had to do was get his head on straight and decide which future was the best one for him—and for Gabriel. “Seems like you’ve had plenty of interest, if this last week’s ramblings about your dating site adventures sayanything.”
“Uh, no.” Oli snorted. “When the highlight of my week is that a guy waited three days before telling me he wanted to ram his knot down my throat, then yeah, my prospects aren’t all that great. Which means you have to try your hardest to make things right for you, okay? You’ve mourned Brittany for years, and you’ve honored her memory, but she’d want you to be happy. Isn’t that what you alwaystoldme?”
Late nights at The Shepherd. Punishment by Brittany’s hand. The thrill that came from proving his submission. The tug around his neck as she pulled at hisleash…
All I want is to make you happy. Let it all go, and I promise, you’ll findtheway.
So many eyes on him, wanting, craving, who’d never been able totouch…
Cedric let out a breath steadily and slowly and nodded. “She’d want me to behappy.”
“Then it’s obvious what you have to do.” Oli gestured at the door. “And it’s up to you to make sure it happens. Like it or not, you’re in charge of your own happiness now. If you’re miserable, there’s only one thing you can do: go out there anddosomethingaboutit.”
