35
Cedric
The house wasthe same as when he’d left it, but the energy had changed. Cedric stepped in through the side door and overlooked the kitchen, letting it sink in. The light above the stove was on, and every small detail was as he’d remembered it, but the hum of the refrigerator and the airflow through the vents fell flat on his ears. The house he’d called home had lost its vibrancy. Cedric’s heart had separated itself from thisplace.
There was a note on the kitchen table. Cedric spotted it through the dark and flipped on the overhead light before heading over to check it out. It had been written on the magnetized notepad he usually kept on the fridge in small, meticuloushandwriting.
I stripped the sheets and pillowcases from the guest bedroom bed and tossed them in the washer. The blanket wouldn’t fit. I left it in the basket by the washer, so all you need to do is stuff it inside. Figured it was the least Icoulddo.
We ate some of your food, and I took out the trash before we left. Otherwise, everything is where it should be. If there’s a problem, youcancall.
Sorry for theinconvenience.
-Adrian
By the sounds of it, the washer wasn’t running. Cedric stuck the notepad to the fridge on his way past, then headed to the basement to swap out the laundry. The blanket was where Adrian claimed it would be, folded neatly, like Cedric gave a shit about what it looked like. The gesture was small, but it impacted him in a large way, and Cedric sank to his knees and sat on the unfinished floor as the reality of his situation hithimhard.
Gabrielwasgone.
In Oli’s apartment, denying the truth had been easy. Separated from his home, his subconscious had tricked itself into thinking everything would be alright. Cedric plucked the blanket from the laundry basket and held it to his chest. The scent of Gabriel’s heat clung to it, muted by time, but still present. It wouldn’t be long before it disappeared completely. Before that happened, Cedric rested his head against the blanket andbreathed.
Gabriel.
The steel of the washing machine was cold against his back, and a damp chill met his thighs, seeping up from the floor. Cedric closed his eyes and let it go, just like Brittany would have wanted. He detached from what he knew and what he believed to side with whathefelt.
Arousal, of course, but that was natural. The scent of an omega’s heat was made to stir an alpha, and Cedric understood that no matter how respectful he was, it was bound to happen. Longing, another given, but not because of biological drive—Cedric longed for what his heart had claimed, but what his head had pushed away. Then, beneath that, was something Cedric wasn’t expecting. Determination strengthened his resolve and told him that he had to wait a little longer—that throwing himself back into Gabriel’s life would do more harm than good. If he wanted Gabriel to heal, he couldn’t keep picking at his scabs. The issues Gabriel struggled with were complex, and they would only worsen if Cedric aggravated them with his presence. Instinct told him to stay away, and he’d trust it. There were other ways to win Gabriel back than to spring headfirst intoaction.
He would be patient. He would bide his time and wait, no matter how muchithurt.
Pain is the precursor to pleasure, Cedric. Don’t fear it—welcome it. Let it take you. Let it heighten your experiences. I promise, it won’t be long now until you understand how good sufferingcanbe…
Cedric shivered. He stood, knees wobbling, and dropped the blanket back in the laundry basket. The damp linens in the washer were free of Gabriel’s scent, and he transferred them quickly to the dryer before they could be recontaminated. A twist of the knob on the dryer’s control panel started the tumble cycle, and Cedric picked up the blanket once more. He carried it up the stairs and followed his heart not to the living room, but to the sun room. In the winter, Cedric kept the doors shut and sometimes went so far as to cover the windows if the temperature plummeted low enough, and on chilly fall nights, he avoided the room entirely, but a gut feeling told him it was what he needed to do. More than once, he’d seen the appreciation in Gabriel’s eyes as he looked toward the room, like it bore a secret only he’d been trusted with. When Cedric’s sock-clad feet met the chilled wood floor and his gaze focused on the dark forest beyond the screen covering the closed windows, he thought he knew what that secretmightbe.
Freedom.
For the duration of Gabriel’s stay in his house, he’d been kept like a bird in a cage. It was the world he was used to—the only world he knew—but out here, divorced from the city and its claustrophobia, he’d glimpsed what it meant to be free for the first time. Cedric buried his nose in the blanket again and looked through the dark. Beyond the damage that Baylor had caused, and beyond the trauma Gabriel still suffered from, was there a young man inside of him who longed to be free? From his situation, from his keepers, and from himself? Every furtive glance, and every small act of rebellion… what was going on inGabriel’shead?
There was a lot to think about. Cedric lowered the blanket and went to head inside, but he stopped before he went any farther. There was a scent on the air that struck him as familiar. Wood andleather,and…
Just beyond the screen, a shadow moved. Cedric shook his head and turned. The night was starting to play tricks on his eyes, and his heart wasn’t helping. What he needed was a good night’s sleep. Tomorrow would be brighter, and the day after that brighter still, until his heart was healed enough that the way forward wasobvious.
When that time came, he wouldn’t hesitate. He would do what he hadtodo.
For Gabriel. Forhimself.
There was still a way out of this. All he had to figure out was which routes would lead to happiness, and which would leadtoruin.
36
Gabriel
Gabriel packedleftovers into portion-sized storage containers, his body present, but his mind elsewhere. The granite countertops in Sterling’s kitchen were beautiful, and the appliances in the penthouse were cutting edge, but Gabriel took little joy in them. Even a week after leaving Sir’s home, his mind was elsewhere, lost in the reds and oranges and yellows of a place he’d leftbehind.
The kitchen lights were off, and only the tiny bar of LEDs supported beneath the kitchen cabinets lit the counter. The darkness was better. Sometimes, when it got dark enough, Gabriel could trick his mind into thinking he’dneverleft.
It was a different kind of pain from when he’d been dragged from The White Lotus by the man without a name. The hollow, empty feeling between his lungs remained, but the distress that absence caused wasn’t anything Gabriel had felt before. In the past, he’d been afraid to be alone, but now, loneliness didn’t frighten him. He’d been afraid when he’d been taken from Garrison because he’d believed he couldn’t survive on his own, but Sir had taught him that wasn’t true. The pain he felt now was linked to somethingdifferent.
Regret.
