“I don’t know.” Gabriel closed his eyes and pulled his knees to his chest. He wanted to strip off his t-shirt and fling it across the room. The way it clung to his skin frustrated him. “There’s something inside of me thathurts.”
Adrian got up and settled by Gabriel’s side. “Where?”
“In the middle of me.” Gabriel hugged his knees closer to his chest. If he curled up on himself tightly enough, maybe he’d be able to fill the empty space inside. “It’sempty.”
“Gabriel...” Adrian sighed. He reached down and plucked a water bottle off the floor, then twisted the cap right off. The serrated plastic snapped, the sound so loud in the room that Gabriel jumped. “You’re okay. I promise. I know that a lot is going on, but you’re fine. All you need to doisrest.”
The last thing Gabriel wanted to do was rest, but with Adrian keeping watch over him, he didn’t have much of a choice. Miserable, he laid back down in his too-hot bed and did his best to dodge the spots where his body heat had made the fitted sheet almostunbearable.
“Things will get better, I promise.” Weight shifted on the bed, and Adrian peered down at him. Gabriel blinked a few times to clear his vision, then closed his eyes and tried to forget. “We’re going to get you home as soon as we’re able, and from there, we’ll figure out our next steps. You’re not going to feel this way forever, I promise. I’m going to make thingsright.”
“You can’t,” Gabriel croaked. Tears formed behind his eyelids and escaped down the sides of his face to soak into the pillows. “You can’tfixthis.”
“Thenwhocan?”
Gabriel pinched his lips together. The answer simmered inside until it grew red-hot, but he couldn’t let it out. How was he supposed to take care of fixing his problems when he wasn’t even good enough to get Sirtostay?
“You’re going to be okay.” Adrian’s voice was soft and solemn, like he understood what Gabriel was going through. “I know how heartbreak feels. It’s hollow, isn’t it? Like this solid construct you thought would be the pillar of the world for the rest of your life turned out to be made of cardboard, and there’s a storm on the horizon.” Something solid, flat, and circular pressed against Gabriel’s lips—the neck of the water bottle. “Drink. You need water. You’ll feel a hundred times better after your heat is over if you drinkenoughnow.”
The water was warm. Gabriel drank, but with every swallow, the ripple of muscle down his throat increased in severity until he couldn’t handle it anymore. He tore away from the bottle and rolled over so his back was to hisbrother.
“You’re stronger than you think.” Plastic slid against plastic. Gabriel listened to the cap find its home on the bottle. “You’re going to get through this. It’s okay to hurt. Life is pain in the same way that life is pleasure. We’re creatures ofexperience,so—”
“Don’t tell me that.” Gabriel curled up tighter. Deep down he knew Adrian was trying to help, but his mind was fogged with the urge to find an alpha—hisalpha—and start a family. It was hard to think of anything else. “Right now I need to hurt. I don’t want to know what it’ll feel like in the future. Idon’t.”
“Okay.” Adrian didn’t sound angry, but he didn’t exactly sound pleased, either. He ran a hand through Gabriel’s hair, then stepped away. The sound of his footsteps let Gabriel track him from the bedside to the hall door. “But know that when you’re tired of feeling like this, I’m here for you. I know it’s not the same as having someone to love, but we’re family, and I will always haveyourback.”
There was a lump in Gabriel’s throat that he couldn’t swallow. The doorknob turned, its metal latch scraping on thestrike.
“There are good people in the world, whether you want to believe it or not,” Adrian murmured from the doorway. “There are people who want to help you—who’ll love you, if you give them the chance. But behaving like this? Pushing away everyone so you can cling to the one person you think will turn your life around? It’s not doing you anyfavors.”
Gabriel squeezed hiseyesshut.
“I love you, Gabriel.” Adrian spoke firmly, but not unkindly. “Sterling loves you. We’re here for you. But you have to be here forus,too.”
The lump stayed put no matter how Gabriel tried to swallow it down. He clawed at his face and choked back a sob. The heat came back to swallow himwhole.
* * *
On the seventh day,the vestigial symptoms of Gabriel’s heat vanished, and with it went his excuse to stay in Sir’s home any longer. The last few days he’d been alert, but traces of his fertility clung to the air, and Adrian refused to move him back to Sterling’s penthouse until they subsided completely. Conversation had been stilted and awkward, and Gabriel took responsibility for it. Adrian had gone out of his way to make sure Gabriel knew that he was loved and looked after, but the pain insideremained.
No matter what he did, or what thoughts he clung to, Gabriel couldn’t make itgoaway.
“Gabriel?” Adrian called from the kitchen. He’d started to amass their belongings and bring their bags to the door. “Before we go, I want you to take one last shower, just to make sure none of your heat is stickingtoyou.”
“Okay.” Gabriel stood in the living room, turning the collar Sir had given him over in his hands. The tall, firm leather had held his head up when Gabriel wanted to do nothing more than look away. It was supposed to have been his forever, but now, Gabriel wasn’t sure if he wanted it anymore. If he couldn’t be with Sir, what was thepoint?
“And Gabriel?” Adrian poked his head out of the kitchen, saw the collar, and made a face. “Can you please find a box or something to put that in? Just for mysanity?”
“Yeah.” Gabrielnodded. “Okay.”
The box the collar had arrived in was in the living room closet near the front door. Gabriel tucked the collar beneath his arm and went to get it, only to find it was on the top shelf far at the back, beyond his reach. Memories of the time in Sir’s kitchen rushed back to him, and the collar met the floor as it tumbled from his grip. Gabriel blinked back tears and took a step back. If he could run, he could escape this. He could start over and tryagain.
But what good had running done him? And where would he run to, now that he knew that Garrison had neverlovedhim?
The obstacle was small, but the emotional turmoil it brought was great. For years, Gabriel had been told that his only purpose in life was to be tied to a superior member of society—that even the simplest tasks were outside of his capability. Sir thought differently. Sir would have wanted him to get a chair from the kitchen so he could reachthebox.
Gabriel looked over his shoulder toward the kitchen. Adrian was grumbling to himself as he wrestled to jam the last of Gabriel’s heat-soaked clothes into his duffel bag. Ever cautious, Gabriel made his way to the kitchen table and took one of the wooden chairs. The hair on the back of his neck stood on end, and his instincts screamed at him to stop what he was doing and leave the task to someone better suited for it, but he didn’t let old habits stop him from doing what he needed to do. Gabriel brought the chair into the living room while Adrian continued to grumble and squish clothes down as far as he could into the duffel bag, then set the chair by the closet door and took a deepbreath.
