“We don’t have another treatment option lined up for you yet.” Adrian returned to the bedside, but didn’t sit. He hovered, nervous energy keeping him on his feet. It fed into Gabriel’s paranoia, and he pulled the covers up to his nose but couldn’t find it in him to hide his eyes. “Until we figure out what your next move is, you’ll be staying with us again. We have the same space set up we did last time, with the screens. You’ll have blankets, and pillows, and all the privacy youcouldwant.”
Privacy wasn’t the issue, and Gabriel couldn’t care less about the screens. He didn’t understand why he’d be heading to the penthouse when his heat would only last another five days. “You said Sir is coming back. Is it because my heat is all over the house? Y-you want to get it cleaned up first before I come back, so Sir doesn’t take advantage of me…right?”
Adrian gave him a sorry kind of look, like someone who’d just witnessed a small child try their best, but still fail. “You’re not coming back here, and you’re not seeing Cedric again. It didn’t work out. He knew what was best for you, but he still touched youinappropriately.”
Inappropriate? There was nothing inappropriate about what he’d done with Sir. For years, Gabriel had been involved with the inappropriate. He’d fallen into bed with men who made him feel bad about himself, and he’d touched strangers in ways he wished he hadn’t needed to. Inappropriate was having sex with a man he had no interest in. But Sir? There was nothing inappropriateabouthim.
“I want him.” So often, Gabriel was afraid to speak for himself. Why make a scene when silence was just as effective? Speaking for himself always led to argument, and argument led to punishment, or worse. He’d long ago relinquished control of his free will and embraced the inevitable—but for Sir, he would fight. If he didn’t, what choice did he have? “I’m in love with him, Adrian. I was the one who was touching him. He never touched me first.Never.”
“We are not having this conversation. You’re not well enough to be in love with anybody.” Adrian set a hand on his shoulder. “All you need to do right now is lie down and get some rest. You’ve still got a long waytogo.”
The touch of Adrian’s hand on his skin was like a live current coming into contact with water. Gabriel tore away from him and scrambled across the bed, heart in overdrive. More than ever, he wanted to run, but he knew his body would fail him. What would he do if he managed to get out of the house, anyway? Lose himself in the woods? Without a water source, he’d die. Addled by heat, he wouldn’t be able to care for himself. And for what? For an escape from the harsh reality of his life? As a physical rebellion against what was being decided for him? He could run all he wanted, but he would never solve any of his problems if all he did was avoid them. During the bust, he’d buried his head in the sand and let himself be guided, and it had ended in ruin—but now he’d found someone he actually cared for, and someone he thought might careforhim.
Gabriel couldn’t listen to Adrian. He wouldn’t. “Don’t tell me I can’t love. You have no idea what I can do. You need to take me toseeSir.”
“You’re not going anywhere.” Adrian’s voice was shielded and used the same flat, emotionless register he often adopted when talking to their mother. “You’re in heat, Gabriel. Your thoughts are jumbled, your body is weak, and if you leave this house, someone out there is going to knock you up. You’re under my care again, and you’re going to do whatIsay.”
Why was Adrian so stubborn? Gabriel balled his fists, squeezing the blankets. “I’m not going to do whatyousay!”
A flicker of emotion returned to Adrian’s face—surprise. It parted his lips and widened his eyes almost imperceptibly, but Gabriel saw it. If he could get a reaction like that out of Adrian, then all he had to do was keep pushing, and eventually, hewouldcave.
“You can tell me until you’re blue in the face that I can’t love anyone, or that I’m b-broken, but you’re wrong! I can fall in love just like anyone else. I can know happiness, Adrian! Maybe I’m not normal, but that doesn’t mean I’m incapable of emotion. I hurt like you. I laugh like you. I cry like you. And you know what? I love like you, too, and IloveSir.”
“You loved Garrison what, a month ago?” Adrian wasn’t angry—he was crestfallen. Surprise had bled into regret, like he was standing vigil over a tragic event. “How can I believe you? You’re in heat. The last week, your hormones have been influencing your thoughts and urging you to settle down with an alpha who can fulfill your biological drive. I know it feels likelove,but—”
“Go.” Gabriel’s hands trembled. What Adrian was suggesting made him feel dirty. It waswrong. “Getout!”
“Where am I going to go, Gabriel?” Adrian frowned. “If you don’t have me here, you’re not going to make it through your heat. You didn’t prepare for it. If it wasn’t for Sterling dropping offsupplies—”
“GO!” Frustration brought tears to Gabriel’s eyes and pumped through his veins like fire. Paired with his heat, the sensation was unbearable. Adrian didn’t want to understand, and he would keep saying hurtful things until he broke Gabriel all over again and forced him to let go of the one good thing in his life. “I don’t wantyouhere!”
The mask came back on. Adrian’s surprise and concern disappeared. “You’re not doing yourself any favors by acting out like this. I know that you’re not operating on all cylinders right now, but if you keep fooling yourself into thinking you’re the only one in the world who can fix your problems, you’re only going to cause more trouble for yourself. Ask me howIknow.”
Nothing Adrian said could fix the hurt that had been done. Discouraged, Gabriel dropped onto the bed and flipped onto his side, his back to his brother. He didn’t want to think about what was about to happen to him—about how he was about to be taken away from the one man who’d ever meant anythingtohim.
“You probably won’t even remember this conversation,” Adrian admitted with a small sigh. He made his way toward the door. “I know that you’re going through a lot right now, but I need you to stay strong. I promise, no matter how much you hate me, I’m not going anywhere. I’m not going to let anyone else hurt you, Gabriel. Iwon’t.”
Maybe it was the truth, but Adrian was doing a fine job of hurting Gabriel all on his own. Gabriel squeezed his eyes shut, curled up on himself, and let his heat take over his mindoncemore.
In the scorching fires of nothingness, he knew nomorepain.
33
Gabriel
Lucidity came in fragments.The air was too hot, and the sheets too warm. There were times when Gabriel came back to reality to find himself at the door to the sun room, the muscles in his arm strained as he tried to twist the handle the wrong way. The cold air from the cracks beneath the door felt good, and his heat-addled brain wanted relief. Usually, it wasn’t long before Adrian swooped back into the room, a bottle of water or some easy-to-eat food in hand, and put him back to bed. Gabriel only had the time to step into the sun room once, and when he did, the chilly autumn air took awayhispain.
At least, someofit.
The heat had robbed Gabriel of his mind, but it hadn’t robbed him of his emotions. An emptiness swelled in his chest, a void between his lungs that was as dark as it was bottomless. As he gazed through the screen separating him from the world at large, it hit himinfull.
He wasalone.
Darkness came, and when Gabriel stirred again, he was back in bed where the sheets were too hot and the clothes he wore clung to his body. Adrian laid across the foot of the bed on his back, holding his phone up over his head as he browsed the internet. He didn’t turn to look at Gabriel before he spoke, and his thumb kept flicking across the screen. “Are you awake now? Do you need somewater?”
“Adrian?” Gabriel asked, heartbroken. “I don’t feel well. Ithurts.”
Adrian set his phone down and sat up. He squinted at Gabriel, but whatever thoughts passed through his head were hidden. “Are you aware now? Did youshakeit?”
