“If you say so.” The tone was final. Sterling wasn’t going to get anything more out of her than that, and it was probably for the best. The longer Clarissa went on about the alleged harem, the more likely Sterling was to start talking about Adrian—and no matter how excited he was for next Friday, he didn’t want it to come to that. The further away he could keep Clarissa from his sex life, the better. “So, how’s the deposit going? Do you need more help, or am I goodtogo?”
“You’re eager tonight.” Sterling worked the drawer open again and picked up the stack of twenties he’d been counting. “I’m fine closing the cash if everything else at the bar’s been closed down, but what’s thehurry?”
Clarissa grinned. “I’ve got a hot date plannedtonight.”
The hairs on the back of Sterling’s neck stood on end, and he straightened his posture and widened his shoulders out of instinct. Clarissa was an adult, and she had been for quite some time, but he still saw her as the little girl with the wide, teary eyes who’d been too scared to sleep on her own after the accident had changed their lives. The transition between giggling over grilled cheese sandwiches—crusts off—and closing down the bar together had happened in the blink of an eye, and even all these years later, Sterling wasn’t always usedtoit.
No one would date his sister without hisapproval.
“God, Sterling, you’re so easy to trigger.” Clarissa snorted. “I’m a dweeb. What do you think I’m going to do when I get home? I’m going to take a hot shower, put on my sweatpants, then curl up with my hot date, Netflix, until I pass out. If there was a man or woman in my life, you’d know about it. I’m pretty sure the whole club would know about it. It’d be like that time that Stephanie met her internet boyfriend after like three years of dating, but about a thousand times more talked about, because it’sme, and I’m a bigger blabbermouth thansheis.”
“That’sdebatable.”
“Nope. It’s fact.” Clarissa crossed her arms over her chest and scrunched her nose. In that moment, all Sterling saw was the little girl she’d once been—the sister he still saw in her now. “Don’t even try to deny it. If you left Stephanie and me alone in a room and told us to talk it out in a word-fight to the death, I’d be the one walking through the door attheend.”
“You’re tired.” Sterling chuckled, but his protective nature was hard to silence once it had been woken. “Go home and relax. You’ve earned it. When you get up tomorrow, give me a call and we’ll start going through our backlog of applications in search of a newbartender.”
A blown kiss was his reward. Clarissa ducked under the folding section of the counter and stretched when she stood up on the other side. “Sounds good. Expect a call from me bright and early. Say, two in theafternoon?”
“I’ll try my best, but I can’t promise anything.” Sterling nodded his chin toward the stairs to the ground floor. “Now go on. Who am I to stand between you andNetflix?”
Clarissa’s laughter rang out, and the sound of it lingered in Sterling’s ears even long after she was gone. So, too, did hermessage.
You give a lot of love, Sterling, but if you don’t take any in return, you’re going to depleteyourself.
For the last twenty-four years, he’d been doing just that. Sterling didn’t intend tobreaknow.
The love he gave was the only love he needed. That would neverchange.
5
Adrian
Squat,cylindrical bollard lights lined the driveway leading to the Lowe estate, illuminating the landscaping closest to the curb. Adrian followed the right-hand side of the driveway by foot, watching his shadow jump between gaps in the light. On summer nights when the weather was fair and he wasn’t too drunk to function, he took an Uber to the bottom of the driveway, then climbed the closed iron gates and walked the rest of the way. Each light along the way was a landmark—a step closer to saying goodbye toanotherday.
Tonight, they counted down the time Adrian had left before his brain kicked into survival mode and did away with outside concerns—primarily, his thoughts aboutSterling.
Sterling Holt, owner of The Shepherd and Adrian’s newMaster. The thought of Sterling assuming dominance over him tightened Adrian’s throat and made him want to laugh. Sterling had no idea what he was getting into. Adrian wasn’t going to make this easyforhim.
There was a loose cedar chip on the driveway, and Adrian kicked at it as he passed. The chip skittered across the driveway and came to a stop just out of reach. Adrian passed it by, leaving it for Mal to clean up in the morning. Their new groundskeeper was uninspiring, but he was young enough that he could still learn. With any luck, Francis would whip him into shape before heretired.
Whip.
Adrian’s lips twitched, and he came to a sudden stop. Hands shoved in his pockets, shirt tossed lazily over his shoulder, he stared at an arbitrary point on the driveway and struggled to understand what the strange tightness was inside hischest.
It wasn’t emotional pain—Adrian knew how that felt well enough. The hopeless, shrinking sensation that wizened his insides and stole his appetite wasn’t the same feeling he had now. It wasn’t gratification, either. Adrian could chart the staggering high and the crashing low that immediately followed selfish pleasure, and the feeling in his chest didn’t match thatpattern.
Whatever it was, it left him breathless, wired, and full allatonce.
It was almost painfully nostalgic. Was it happiness? Adrianwasn’tsure.
Uncomfortable, Adrian looked up and kept moving. He’d had a bad night, and whatever he was feeling was a product of that. That meant ithadto be a bad feeling, even if the inklings of something good had begun to break through his walls to infiltrate his heart. And while it bothered him that he felt this way when thinking about Sterling, what bothered him most of all was the fact that he couldn’t get Sterling out ofhismind.
There were twenty bollard lights to go before Adrian arrived at the house—the equivalent of a few minutes, if he walked slowly enough. No one would be using the driveway at close to four in the morning, and no one was expecting him, so Adrian slowed and allowed himself just a little longer in the crispnightair.
Sterling meant to punish him, so why was it that Adrian was hung up on him like this? Their arrangement was transactional—an exchange of goods, and a sign of goodwill. Sterling had what Adrian wanted, andAdrian…
Adrian trailed off, dragging the conclusion of his thought back to try to prevent it—but it was no use. Adrian had what Sterlingwanted,too.
