That meant that Sterlingwantedhim.
The tight feeling in Adrian’s chest grew snugger yet, and he rolled his shoulders and shifted his hips from side to side to try to chase it away, but the more he moved, the more he felt it. Whateveritwas.
It wasn’t like he’d never been desired before. Men had moved in and out of Adrian’s life, drawn to him for his appearance, only to leave when he lashed out. But Sterling? Sterling knew his claws. He might not have understood their full force, but he knew that Adrian wasn’t the kind of man to lie down and blindly accept what was happeningtohim.
And Sterlingdidn’tcare.
Adrian passed another few bollard lights, struggling with the thought and the way it made him feel. No man he’d ever met had captivated his mind like this. It had to be because Sterling was the enemy—the archetype of everything Adrian hated. Cruel, deceitful, and self-absorbed. Selfish, haughty, and delusional. Men like Sterling were the kind who considered themselves above the law, the kind who believed the universe belonged to them because they’d been born with the rightgenes.
Fuckthat.
Adrian picked up the pace. His heavy footfalls brought him to the stoop of the vast house he called home, and he spent a second rooting through the leafy plant by the door to find where he’d left his key. For the first time since Gabriel had gone missing, Adrian was glad to be home. The walls would shield him from intrusive thoughts of a man he didn’t care for, but who’d found his way beneath his skinanyway.
Shallow, personal affairs would never supersedesurvival.
The key turned in the lock. The door clicked open. Adrian turned the doorknob and let himself in. All of the lights were off, and the house wassilent.
Adrian breathed a sigh of relief, pushed the door closed and locked it, then leaned back against it for a second to better compose himself. Moonlight streamed in from the broad, round-top windows on either side of the door, illuminating the front room enough so that Adrian could pick out the space’s broaderdetails.
To the left and right sides of the room all the way at the back were twin sets of curved staircases that met at the second-floor landing. Marble floors glimmered in the pale light. Arched doorways led into long halls on either side of him, and beneath the stairs immediately opposite where Adrian stood, there was a large set of double doors—closed—that led to the basement and the servant’s quarters ithoused.
All he had to do was get upstairs without making a sound and lock his bedroom door. If he could do that, everything would be alright until he woke up hungry or needingtopiss.
Just like every other weekend night of hisadultlife.
Adrian stepped out of his shoes one by one, then bent over to pick them up. Padding barefoot across the floor made less noise—he’d discovered that the hard way very early into his weekend visits to TheShepherd.
One cautious step at a time, he climbed the staircase to the right. The house was still and silent, but Adrian knew better than to trust it to stay that way. It wasn’t until he’d reached the top of the landing and began his journey down the right wing that he allowed himself to let go of the air trapped in his lungs. The first exhale was always the sweetest, and he savored the way it eased the strange feeling in his chest and left him blissfullyempty.
Just a few more doorsnow,and—
“Gabriel?”
Adrian’s shoulders pinched against his neck, and he balled his hands into fists. The exhale of relief had been premature, and now he couldn’t bring himself to breathe in to replenish his lungs with fresh air. Hecouldn’tmove.
His mother wasawake.
“Gabriel?” Adrian’s mother asked again. Adrian heard her footsteps now—she was coming from the left wing, each footstep more rapid than the next until she was running. “Gabriel!”
Hands met his arms and squeezed tightly. Adrian shut his eyes and did his best to plant his bare feet firmly on the ground, but when his mother wrenched him around, there was nothing he could do but move with her unless he wanted to risk injury. Heart racing, he looked at hismother’sface.
It was always the same on nights like these. An open-mouthed grin and dull, glossy eyes with pupils so large they drowned out her stony irises. Crazed enthusiasm. Unwavering relief. Paired with the way her hair stuck out at odd angles and her nightgown hung off her shoulder like she was a little girl, it was clear how muchshe’dlost.
How much they’dalllost.
“Gabriel…?” The excitement on his mother’s face faded. She released one of Adrian’s arms to run her hand along his jaw. The short hairs of his stubble dragged against her palm. “You’re…”
“We go over this all the time,” Adrian whispered. He refused to meet her eyes, focusing instead on one of the floral patches on her nightgown. “I’m not Gabriel, Mom. I’mAdrian.I’m—”
Adrian was cut short by the first, god-awfulcrack. Burning pain spread through his cheek like wildfire, consuming everything in its path until the entire left side of his face was tingling. Copper flooded his mouth—he’d bitten histongue.
“Goddamnyou.” His mother’s voice shook, and her pitch was uneven, like she was about to burst into tears. Adrian knew every squeaky crest and every quivering syllable. “I. Want.Gabriel.”
“He’s not here anymore, Mom.” Another slap. Adrian blinked away tears. “Just let me go. All I want to do is go back to my room and get somesleep.”
“You took him away from me.” The sound was low, like a cat with hackles raised, circling another within its territory. “You took him away, and now you have to bringhimhome.”
“I’m going to bed, Mom.” Adrian’s tone hardened, but no matter how tough he was on the surface, on the inside he was broken. It was always like this. It was always goddamn like this. “Goodnight.”
