Sterling
“You look happy.Toohappy.”Clarissa jabbed Sterling in the ribs. Sterling winced and shot her a dirty look. “What’s going on? You’re not getting off on the whole Marcus-as-an-exhibitionist thing, are you? Because I havefeelingsaboutthat.”
“No, I’m not.” Sterling chuckled. He lowered the stack of twenties he’d been counting to meet Clarissa’s gaze. One of her brows was arched playfully, but her carefree expression couldn’t mask her true feelings—the corners of Clarissa’s eyes were creased, and her shoulders were held a little too stiffly to be relaxed.Stress.
Sterling knew his sister as well as he knewhimself.
“It looks like you need to talk.” Sterling tapped the broad side of the bills in his hand against the counter to neaten them. “Do you want to talk? I’m here to listen. Ihavetime.”
The playfulness in Clarissa’s expression died. She sighed and shook her head, which Sterling knew meant she was going to tell himallabout it. “I’m just… I’m stressed out, you know? Lucian was good for the bar. The customers liked him, he was quick to learn whatever I taught him, and he had the mental math skills that so many of the people I hire don’t. Do you know how vital it is to be able to spit out numbers that fast when you have people handing you money from everydirection?”
“I do.” Sterling bit back a grin. If Clarissa hadn’t already looked so stressed, he would have cracked a joke at her expense, but it wasn’t the time or the place. “But we’ll find another bartender who’s just as good. Do you want me to conduct the interviews this time? If it’s too much for you, I’m more than happy tostepin.”
“No. No, you’re fine.” Clarissa planted her hands against the bar counter, then hoisted herself up onto it. The little dress she wore tonight showed off more leg than Sterling cared to see her expose. “I can conduct interviews. It isn’t exactly draining, and I mean, itismy bar. You put me in charge, and I’m not going to stop being responsible just because I’m bummed.” Clarissa smoothed her dress down her thighs and sighed. “I guess it’s just so heartbreaking for me to go through so many potential candidates, only to have them run for the hills when they discover what kind of services The Shepherd offers. You’d think we were murdering people here orsomething.”
“And if that negativity gets to be too much for you, then you need to come tell me.” Sterling set the twenties back in their slot in the cash drawer, then moved to Clarissa’s side. She looked down at him, the dim lights making her eyes look glossy. Sterling hoped to god it wasn’t because she was moved to tears. Seeing Clarissa cry ate at him like nothing else did. “I willalwaystake care of you. Don’t everforgetit.”
Clarissa blinked a few times in rapid succession, then smiled sadly. “You know, this is why people think we’redating.”
“Let them think what they want. If they can’t understand that real men offer affection and support to the people they love, platonically or otherwise, then that’s theirproblem.”
“Mm.” Clarissa swung her feet slowly. “You’re a little bit the best, Sterling. You know that? And I’m not just saying that because I’m your littlesister.”
“Then let me listen to what’s going on.” Sterling nudged the cash drawer closed with his hip and leaned against the counter by Clarissa. “I know when something’s not right, and I know you have all the reason in the world to be stressed. Let it out. You know it’s safewithme.”
Clarissa stole a conspiratorial look down the bar, as though making sure the place really had been emptied. Then, with a chesty sigh, she let her shoulders slump and launched into her woes. “After Lucian quit last week I’ve been stressed as hell. It was so abrupt and… strange. There was this look in his eyes, like he was sorry, and I don’t think I’ve ever had a bartender look that way while quitting before. It shook me then, and I guess it didn’t really sink in until tonight when…youknow.”
There was no way Sterling could forget. Marcus and Lucian’s show in room nine had led him to make his connection with Adrian, and even after finishing his gin and tonic and chasing it with a shot, the thought of him clung to Sterling’s mind like pine sap. “Iknow.”
“Lucian’s always been really strong. I don’t know a lot about where he comes from, or what kind of things he’s been through, but when he came here, he was determined to take a part of himself back… and I guess he succeeded.” Clarissa sighed again. “But he was a good bartender. Adamngood bartender. I thought that maybe he’d be in it for life. Or, you know, at least the next five years or so. He was a good fit here, and it’s just… seeing him with Marcus is strange. I don’t know. I love that he’s happy, and when Marcus carried him out of here tonight he had this look on his face of otherworldly bliss, but I’m still bitter about it. How dare he be happy when I need him so desperately at the bar, right? I sound like an absolute, self-centered nut job.” Clarissa laughed at herself and shook her head. “I just need some time to get over it. We’ll find a new hire and life will move on, but it’s a tough pill to swallow when it leaves me short atthebar.”
While Clarissa spoke, Sterling’s thoughts went off on a tangent. He imagined Lucian in Marcus’ arms, limbs loose and expression distant and dreamy. Subspace was different from person to person, but hearing about Lucian’s release led Sterling to wonder what Adrian was like when he achieved total freedom—when a Dom pushed him to his limits until they broke and left himboundless.
How long would it be untilSterlingknew?
“Hey, earth to world’s-best-brother.” Clarissa punched Sterling in the arm hard enough to smart. “What’s going on in that head of yours? You look… weird. You’re not planning on pulling a Marcus, are you? Because if you are, I swear to god, Iwillkick your ass. I’m not going to allow anyone else to dramatically steal one of my bartenders. I’m gettingwaytoo old to deal with dramalikethat.”
“You’re not even thirty.” Sterling looked at her from beneathhisbrow.
Clarissa returned the expression. “Like I said,way too old.But really, you aren’t planning it, are you? Because the fact that you didn’t immediately deny it is raising some red flagsforme.”
“I’m not planning on pulling a Marcus.” Sterling folded his arms over his chest loosely. “I wouldn’t do that to you, and youknowit.”
Clarissa huffed a laugh and waved him off. “Right, right. You’re too busy with those harems you entertain. How many are you up to now? Six? You know, maybe pulling a Marcus would be good for you. I was talking with Lucian not all that long ago about the young men you keep up there in your penthouse, and how I don’t think it’s all that great a thing—for your heart, you know? I know love and sex are different beasts, but if you never feed one, it’s going to come looking forblood.”
“What?” It wasn’t the first time Sterling had heard of his alleged harems, but most of the time Clarissa brought it up as a passing joke. It was the first time she’d approached the topic with some semblance ofsincerity.
With a shake of her head, Clarissa hopped down from the counter. She pulled at the skirt of her dress, which had started to ride a little too high. “You give a lot of love, Sterling, but if you don’t take any in return, you’re going to deplete yourself. I don’t want that to happentoyou.”
“It won’thappen.”
“For your sake, I hope you’re right.” Clarissa wagged a finger at him. “You know, you’ve always been the one parenting me. I never thought the tables would turn, but this harem thing? I’ve been quiet about it for a long time, but I can’t stay quiet anymore. I don’t want to see you hurt, Sterling. You deserve so much more than what you’re givingyourself.”
“There is no harem,” Sterlingpromised.
The way Clarissa’s eyes narrowed told him that she didn’t believe thatwastrue.
“I’m serious. I’m not seeing anyone.” Well, except for one individual, but that arrangement was starting next Friday, and it wasn’treallyseeing each other. Adrian excited Sterling on a physical level, and stimulated him mentally like no one had before, but beyond that? There wasn’t emotion there. “And even if I was, I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t get something out of it. I’m not self-destructive.”
