I didn’t knowwhat was so different about that morning. Maybe it was the simple fact that I was done with the lies and the deceit. Maybe the trial had been keeping me up so much that I had lost my sense of direction and existence.
But, as I stood in JoJo’s office first thing on a random Tuesday morning, I blurted out the question I deserved an answer to.
“What are we, Joseph?”
He slowly looked up from his desk, pinning me with his gaze. I stood there with my hands slid into a new pair of waist-high, black work pants that fit me around my hips and cascaded down my thighs and legs. I tilted my head off to the side, feeling my white blouse fluttering as the air conditioning on his floor kicked on.
And as a grin crossed his face, he stood to his feet. “My, my, how the tables have turned.”
I shook my head. “No more games; no more lies. I want an answer, and I want it now.”
He chuckled as he came out from around his desk. “Have you finally figured out that you’re never going to belong to anyone else?”
I didn’t skip a beat. “I’ve figured out that as long as I don’t have answers to my questions, my curiosity will drag me back into your orbit.”
He perched against the edge of his desk and crossed his arms over his chest. “What is it you really want to know, Rebecca?”
“I want to know if you have feelings for me.”
I should have expected his laughter. His bombastic, mocking laughter. However, I didn’t expect for it to go on for so long. The longer he laughed in my face, the weaker I felt, standing there like a damn idiot while begging my boss for answers I deserved. And I did deserve them. I deserved to have closure; to have a realistic outcome as to what this could be between us.
But instead, he stifled his laughter and tried to speak over it. “You’re asking me if I love you.”
I swallowed back my own tears. “I’m asking if you believe there’s ever a point where you could, in fact, love me. Yes.”
He laughter immediately stopped. “Let’s get one thing straight, Rebecca, because I believe you have deduced me all wrong after the five months you’ve worked here.”
I watched him push off the edge of his desk and stalk toward me, like a lion educating its prey before it pounces.
“I will protect you always. No harm will come to you except by my hand and my words if you decide to step out of line. No one will ever boss you around, except for me. No one will ever push you to your knees, except for me. No one will make you crave what you do, or seek what you do, except for me. But understand this: I will never, ever love you.”
I nodded slowly. “So, you’ll protect me, keep me away from the world, and fuck me whenever you feel like it, but you’ll never give me what I’m really seeking, which means you’ll never make me truly happy. Did I catch that right?”
He grinned. “Oh, I’ll make you very happy.”
I shook my head. “Not if you don’t give me what I want.”
That’s when his laughter and smirk faded from his lips. “Who really knows what they want in this life.”
“I do. I’ve known for a long time, but you were the reason I started questioning it. For five months, Joseph, I’ve been thrust into a life of kink I didn’t realize I craved. So, yes, you’re right in some aspects. You’ve opened up a part of me I didn’t know existed, and it’s helped me to calm myself at night when I come to the conclusion that everyone around me—my sister, my parents, you—have been lying to me my entire life.”
“Where is this going, Re--?”
I held my hand up. “If you interrupt me again, I quit.”
His temple pulsed with frustration. “Carry on, then.”
I took the smallest step toward him. “You want me all to yourself because you wanted me all those years ago and you couldn’t have me. And don’t think about denying it, Maggie told me everything.”
His face paled. “Everything?”
I nodded and leaned into my lie. “Everything, yes. The accident. Why she was banged up and you weren’t. I finally got her to be a sister instead of your twisted, abused little confidant.”
He flew off his desk and put his finger in my face. “I never once laid a hand on your sister. I never once manipulated her. She lied about that shit. She lied to everyone about the kind of person I was. She forced my hand. That’s what happened.”
Now, we’re getting somewhere.“That’s not how she tells it. And honestly? With the sides of you’ve I’ve seen since taking this job and leaning into your actions? I understand where she’s coming from. You’re misguided, and lost, and you take that out on other people because in your own life you don’t feel as powerful as you’d like.”
And when he didn’t answer, I knew I’d hit the nail on the head.
