“I’ll tell you,” he said.
“I can take it,” I said.
“I know you can,” he nodded. “Iron does not shatter.”
“No, it doesn’t,” I said. I steeled myself. “It doesn’t shatter, and neither will I. Not ever. I swear.”
“That a girl,” he said.
Chapter 34
Ser Elías and I stayed in his room for some time. Neither of us could sleep. He told me that he’d met my mother at the speaking of his oath, and that he had loved her from the moment he saw her there. He said they bonded over the likeness of their names, and the synchronicity of wordplay between them and between my Sword and I was painful.
When we’d been quiet for long enough, we moved to my father’s study to play a game of chess and fill the silence and when my thoughts were too convoluted to make a proper move, I asked him where Ser Willoughby was.
He said, “Ser Willoughby took the evening off. He’ll attend the wedding tomorrow. Then he’s asked to discuss his assignment after.”
“I see.” I nodded. I focused on the board. “He’s going to ask you to reassign him somewhere else. Not the castle.”
“Why would he do that?”
“Because he’s angry with me,” I explained. “He hasn’t spoken to me since we returned.”
“Why is he angry with you?” Elías asked. “Is this something I need to know about? Or is this a disagreement between kin?”
“It’s…It’s more than a disagreement between kin, but it's well-deserved,” I said. “Don’t worry.”
He pondered his move. “I see. But asking for a reassignment is quite the statement. You don’t think he’ll come around, Your Majesty? I’ve not known your cousin to hold a grudge for so long.”
“I like him,” I said. “Ihatethat I do, but I do. I like him very much. You were right to bring him along with us. I was wrong to question it. He’s been very nice to me. And in moments when I needed a friend, not a chaperone, he was there.”
“That’s funny because I didn’t pick him because he was nice. I picked him because I knew he would tell you no when needed to be told no.”
I nodded. “While I was waiting for Mr. Evergreen to wake up, I was emotional. I had made comparisons between him and my Willem, and I told Ser Willoughby all about the boy I loved once upon a time. I told him how they had hurt him for touching me. I told him and he just listened. He just listened. Then we discovered who Mr. Evergreen truly was and Ser Willoughby blindly supported my insane theory of soulmates. Then we had an argument later and I was so mean to him. Why am I so mean to everyone I don’t want to be mean to?” I asked.
Elías took his time to choose his words. “What was the argument about?”
I laid my hands in my skirt. “I told Miss Jocelyn that Ser Willoughby was in love with her, but I also told her that he had avoided a bad engagement and that he feared his father would bribe her not to marry him if he proposed.”
“Good God, Svana.”
“It gets worse,” I said.
He frowned.
“After begging me not to disclose her secrets to him, I told Ser Willoughby that Miss Jocelyn was in love with him as well,but that she was scared he would not accept her as she is a widow. Then the two of them left to talk about I don’t know what, but he explicitly stated he needed to be away from me. Then Mr. Evergreen and I had an argument about it. He said‘does this sound familiar?’and I felt awful because it did.”
“It sounds like you were trying to control a situation similar to yours,” he said.
“I know that now, but in the moment, I genuinely thought I was helping. I thought that if I just aired out their troubles, they would see that they both want the same thing. And I also tried to show Mr. Evergreen–er, Willlem, thatIloved him, but then we were caught by the Prince. That’s when you came in and said that Father was dead.”
After some time of watching me, he sat back in his seat. “That’s a pretty bad day.”
“It was horrible!” I said. “Just horrible.”
“Anything else?” he asked.
“I don’t know. There’s probably a few other things, I’m quite skilled at fogging things, but I can’t think of them right now. I’m too upset. I don’t want Daniel to hate me. I don’t want anyone to, but especially him. He’s so… supportive and I feel like I’ve kicked a puppy. I don’t want him to leave more. I just want him to realize that he belongs with Miss Josie; that Miss Josie believes it, too. I want him to seize the opportunity that he has been awarded! Those two have a real chance at real love and I don’t understand why he won’t take it.”
