I nodded, unwilling or unable to say the words.At this point, who the fuck cared?I was wrecked either way.I’d hurt Alex so badly she had to use her safe word to protect herself.From me.With a few careless words, I’d managed to do what I couldn’t do with a crop or flogger or whip.
“You go after everything you want, and I’ve never seen you miss.”He held up his hand before I could protest.“Julie didn’t count.You didn’t really wanther.You wanted what you thought she could be.That was never going to be the relationship you wanted it to be.”
“It’s complicated.”
“It always is, man.”
“Excuse me, Mr.Jensen,” my assistant cut in on the intercom.“I’ve got an Elena Patrick on the line.She’s insisting she speak with you about a home tour.”
I paused for a moment, the kernel of an idea forming.I couldn’t undo the damage I’d done, but maybe there was a way for me to avoid being an ass moving forward.
“Find me if you want to talk,” Jared said on his way out the door.
I nodded, grateful even though we both knew I had no intention of taking him up on his offer.
“Put her through.”
––––––––
MONDAYS SUCKED UNDERthe best of circumstances, but it wouldn’t matter what day of the week it was.Nothing felt right since I used my safe word and walked out of Erik’s house.
I still couldn’t believe I let myself get in so deep.I knew better.And I couldn’t even get mad at him for the way he’d propositioned me because he was playing by the ground rules we’d established.I was the dumbass who’d gone and fallen in love, which meant his offer of money for time wasn’t a clean exchange anymore.It broke my heart.My stupid, over-involved, what the fuck was I thinking heart.
I had no illusions about what happened next.I went back to my life, and he went back to his, the way we’d always planned to.I had no illusions of Jensen riding down the street, his head poking through the sunroof of his stretch limo, waiting to climb my fire escape to true love and happily ever after.This wasn’tPretty Womanor some other Pygmalion knock-off.
The thing that bugged me even more was that I had to remind myself that I didn’t need Jensen to save me.That had never been our thing.I was a woman in my full power.I had been before I met Jensen, and I would be again.It might take a fair bit of alcohol and a tear-soaked binge watch of the first two seasons ofOutlander, but eventually I’d bounce back.
I was going to start by sharing the pain au chocolat I’d picked up at the corner bakery with Charlotte and then I was going to find out how long it would take to get my life back to normal.And I was going to ignore like the queen of denial the fact that things would never be the same as they were.It was the classicfake it ’til you make ittechnique and I planned to work it like a rock star.
“I come bearing gifts,” I said, rapping on Charlotte’s open door and holding the sack of pastries and the to-go cups of coffee out in front of me like the toll for entrance.
“I love you.Get in here.”Charlotte snagged the bag of pastries and one of the cups of coffee from my hand, leaving me standing in the doorway in clear demonstration of her priorities.“You are a lifesaver.I haven’t had time for breakfast and I’m starving.”
“I aim to please.”I collapsed on the sofa, taking a swallow of coffee and praying it didn’t take too long for the caffeine to kick in.Sleep had been hard to come by what with all the weeping and such.“You said you’ve got news?”
“I do,” she said around a mouthful of pastry.“The movie company dropped the suit.It’s over.”
“It’s over?What does it mean?How much do I have to pay them?”My chest tightened, not in anticipation, but I wasn’t going to look closer at my feelings.Denial.It’s a thing.
“Nothing.I got them to agree to settle for a simple name change.”
She looked so proud of herself.The last thing I wanted was to be ungrateful, but the idea of rebranding myself felt overwhelming.Exhausting.
“You can’t do business as the Gentleman’s Submissive anymore, but the Gentlemen’s Submissive is just fine.One letter—atoe—and you’re done.”
I couldn’t ignore the irony in going from singular to plural, not when that’s exactly what happened in my personal life.
“This feels anticlimactic,” she said, licking the chocolate off her fingers.“I expected you to be more excited about this.”
“I am.Honestly.”I reached over to touch her hand and snagged the bag with the pastry.I wasn’t going to be able to deal with the emotions threatening to swamp me without some serious help.Chocolate was a start, at least.“Thank you.”
“Nu-uh.”She pinned me with her gaze and shook her head.“Something else is going on.It’s that attorney, isn’t it?Did he do something?He’s already on shaky ground with his firm.Say the word and I’ll make it shakier.”
“No, it’s nothing like that.Things with him just didn’t work out the way I thought they would.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, concern etched on her face.“What can I do?”
It was the reason I hadn’t told her over the weekend.Charlotte was a fixer.It was her superpower.She’d want to help me fix things with Erik and when she realized she couldn’t, she’d try to convince me ending things was for the best.I wasn’t ready for any of that.
