I get out of his car before I’m tempted to climb on his lap and kiss him the way I want to. As he backs out of the driveway, I wave and head in through the kitchen door. I lock the door behind me and listen to see where Mom might be.
The house is quiet, so I go to the schedule on the fridge. Mom has to work nights starting tonight. Most likely she’s sleeping now. I head up to my room and take a quick shower before I change into jeans and acrop top. I grab a bikini I’ve never been bold enough to wear but was too cute to pass up.
I also throw in a spare set of underwear. These guys will need to buy me more at the rate they’re confiscating them. I tie my hair into a ponytail just to get it out of the way, not to give any of them a handle.
My phone dings, and I sit on my bed to check my messages.
Tanner:
How are you holding up?
I bite my lip and look at my closed laptop. Should I even respond to him? Will that get me in trouble or him in more trouble with the horsemen? Do I even want or need his help?
It’s hard to remember when the guys act nice to me that they also bullied me into being with them. To remember how they took some of my firsts whether I was ready or not. Fuck it, I might still need a friend if things blow up.
And that friend won’t be Nico, even though he claims it will be. They already have their hooks in him. And while I want him to be mine, I can’t trust him fully. He kept them from me, not just physically, but he didn’t even share they were his friends when we were younger.
Me:
Hanging in there. How’s your sister?
Tanner:
She’s fitting in well at her new school. I miss her though. What are you up to today?
I’m not sure why he’s asking, but I worry about telling him too much or leading him on. I know he wants revenge on the horsemen and right now, I’m not willing to be the conduit he uses to get it.
Me:
Hanging with friends
Tanner:
Nice. Have fun
I don’t respond. I don’t even know if I like Tanner, but he understands what I’m going through. His sister was a target of the horsemen. Tanner lost all of his status because of them. He wants revenge, which is why I’m not sure I should talk to him.
Suddenly I remember Kenz was supposed to tell me about him. I text her.
Me:
Can I call you?
Kenz:
Busy now. Later?
Me:
Maybe
Later, I might be occupied with horsemen. I put together my bag and head downstairs. No sign of Mom. She won’t wake until late this afternoon. I grab a notepad and pen and tell her I’m going to hang out with the guys and Nico today. I also text her the same info.
I need to stay honest with her about what I’m doing. She trusts me, and I don’t want to abuse that trust. She knows about the guys, just not about what they hope to accomplish.
The house is so quiet. Tonight, I’ll be here all by myself unless the guys convince me to stay with them again. It wouldn’t be hard to convince me, but tomorrow I’ll need to work on my homework or I might fall behind. But that doesn’t mean I can’t stay the night. My body heats at the memory of them sleeping with me. It’s weird sleeping with all of them, but also comforting.
Maybe I’ll ask for the night off so I can consider how I want to lose my virginity. Luke said it’s up to me. But does that mean I pick who goes first or how it happens? Every other first they’ve controlled, or chance did.
