“C-can you say it so I know we’re on the same page?” Damn. This woman has me out of my body right now.
I have never been a man who stumbles over or struggles with his words. Caziya’s sudden change in demeanor has me fucked up for real.
“I-I’ll call.” There is no feeling or emotion in Caziya’s two-word reply, and I know it’s time for me to get out of here.
I lean in and peck her forehead twice as my hands stop moving, and she eases off my chest. It takes me minutes to exit Caziya’s apartment and return to my vehicle before I head in the direction of my house. My thoughts are so spacey that I can’t settle on a single one, nor can I do anything but turn the radio off as I allow silence to guide me.
A Week Later. . .
Home has been my refuge when I’m not at work, and today isn’t any different. I have been in a state of melancholy since Caziya canceled our date, and I left her in her bed. It’s now been 10,080 minutes or in simple terms, seven days since I last saw or spoke to Caziya. I have been walking around with my ass on my shoulders for the same amount of time. The only person I haven’t been nasty or short with is Zakiyah, and that’s only because she’s two.
But baby girl must be picking up my energy because I’ve been told that she’s been hitting a few of the kids at day care this week. For that reason, I took today off so my baby and I can get our minds right. It’s not sitting right with me that Caziya is not onlyhurting but hasn’t done what she told me she would do. I have sent several messages and left two voicemails after my calls went unanswered. So far, all I’ve gotten back is radio silence.
“Are you really gonna sit like a statue the whole time I’m here?” Asia asks.
My gaze shifts from whatever is on the TV to beside me, where she sits. Her dark brown eyes peer into me with concern as her brows hike. With my thoughts on Caziya and her lack of communication, I had forgotten that Asia was here. I disconnect our stare down to look at my lap where Zakiyah rests in a much-needed nap.
“Is it too early in my relationship for me to stalk this woman?” My eyes still rest on Kiki, and my blood pressure elevates.
“Why are you thinking about stalking her?”
It’s not my place to tell my woman’s business, so I bite my lip while I try to figure out what I can say that won’t violate Caziya’s trust.
“I have gotten used to seeing and talking to my woman on a daily basis. She’s going through something, and it’s been a week now. I miss her.”
I take a second to look at Asia, only to see the goofy grin surface as her eyes fill with a mix of humor and joy.
“Aw. Why not go check on her then? I’ll stay with Kiki until you get back. Or better yet, how about I just take her to my house? That way, you can spend some time with your lady without worrying about my niece.”
“I have work in the morning, and she has to go to day care.”
The idea of sliding into Caziya to remove the backup I have has me in a momentary lustful state. The treasure that’s between Caziya’s thighs is something memories, thirst traps, and life sentences are a result of. All Ziya has to do is let me love herthrough her mommy issues, and everything will be fine. But no, she has put me on ice, and I’m ready to crash out.
“Work doesn’t stop nothing but the time you swindle about my suggestion. Not to mention, I’m one of the authorized people who can not only pick Kiki up but also drop her off. Go check on your woman. My niece and I will have a mid-week sleepover.”
Who am I to argue or put up any more roadblocks when I want to not only lay my eyes on Caziya but wrap her in my arms as well? My chest has been tight and achy all week because I don’t know how Caziya is doing. This will be my second pop-up, but if she had sent a reply or an emoji to let me know she’s okay, I wouldn’t have to resort to these measures. This is really her fault more than it is mine.
“Okay. Thanks, Sis. I appreciate you for real.”
This moment is one I don’t take for granted because my parents or sister don’t have to do the things that they do to support me with Kiki. In this moment, I’m grateful for Asia’s offer. I would have been in my feelings and probably found myself contemplating crash-out methods that wouldn’t land me in jail.
“Why do you always feel the need to express thanks or appreciation? As your sister, it’s not an inconvenience for me to do the things that I do. Your life has been on hold for two years because you have skin in the fatherhood game that many don’t. Now pass me my niece so we can be on our way.”
A smirk slides into place as I gently ease Kiki off my lap and into Asia’s open arms. My baby must be tired because she doesn’t stir or flinch from the action.
“Let me find out you’ve given my niece an aid to have her this comatose,” Asia teases.
“A father never tells his secrets.” I wink.
I stand when Asia and Kiki head toward the front door to leave without another word. My mind spins with every step Itake behind Asia, and an image of Caziya from a week ago nearly trips me. I’m unsure what state I’ll find her in, but I utter a prayer the second Asia is gone.
“Dear Big Homie, I come to you now on behalf of Caziya. I don’t know what state of mind she’s in. Nor do I know how she’s been this week. But I ask that you would give her peace and comfort. Even now, touch her mind and break every word curse, every past trauma, and every present stronghold. I ask that you give me the words to comfort, strengthen, and provide the peace that Caziya might need. I also ask that you give me the ability to react without resentment if she rejects my presence a second time. In the matchless name of Jesus, I pray. Amen.”
I jog up the steps to hop in the shower and run through a quick cleanup since I have been in a lounge atmosphere and mindset all day. Like a prostitute with a Jasper waiting, I’m in and out of the shower in under fifteen minutes. I brush my teeth, put on a T-shirt, joggers, and a pair of slides, and then descend the stairs in another fifteen minutes, as if the house is on fire. My mind continues to swirl as I get in my vehicle and back out of the driveway. My chest is still tight, my stomach is in knots, and the vein in my neck pulses angrily.
Even the music that plays in the background can’t keep me entertained or occupied during the drive. An ache in my chest surfaces the second I pull into Caziya’s apartment complex. My forehead wrinkles when her car comes into view because of the crooked way it’s in the spot. I pull into the visitor spot next to Caziya and exit my vehicle with urgency before I take the steps two at a time. I take a breath when I reach her door before I knock several times. My body temperature and heartbeat increase as I wait for her to answer. I hold my breath with the sound of the locks disengaging a couple of seconds later.
“Hi, Zakai.” The two-word greeting along with the hollowness within Caziya’s eyes causes me to pull her into my chest.
