My forehead wrinkles, and a frown forms when her words register because what the hell is going on?
“What do you mean, finally?” I ask, and my frown deepens.
“Today started off very well, and Caziya was looking forward to your date. But an unexpected call sent her into a downward spiral that had her crying until fatigue forced her to sleep. Thankfully, we were able to get her to go to her bed before that happened,” Jandra says with a downcast expression that tightens my chest.
An ache spreads across my entire chest, and my heartbeat jumps out of normal rhythm as I process the information fromJandra. My mind spins as multiple thoughts ebb and flow over the course of several minutes.
“How about we allow you to take over? You seem pretty capable of handling what we can’t,” Paula says, and I return to the conversation at hand.
I can finally breathe again when Paula’s words settle into my mind. The weight in my chest lifts from my shoulders in this moment. Without another word, Jandra and Paula reenter the apartment with me hot on their heels. While they grab their belongings and head back out, my focus is on my woman and her emotional state. The click from the front door has me turning around to lock it before I head to Caziya’s bedroom.
When I enter the room a second later, an intense ache consumes me when I see Caziya in what I’m assuming is a fetal position based on the rumpled covers over her body. Without shifting my gaze or focus from my target, I take my shoes off. Once that’s done, I move toward the bed and slip under the blankets. What hurts me more is the fact that Caziya doesn’t budge or stir despite my actions. Like I thought, Caziya is in a tight ball with her face hidden. As gently as I can, I pull Caziya’s unwilling body into mine.
“Mm,” she moans, and I wrap my hands around as much of her as I can reach.
Desperate to feel and soothe her, I gently lift Caziya onto my chest while I move my hands up and down her back.
“Za-Zakai.” Caziya’s voice sounds like struggle, and I need to whup somebody’s ass around here about my woman.
“Unless there is a nigga with a death wish, of course it’s me. I was worried about you, Ziya.”
Caziya shifts so that I’m able to see her eyes, and my blood becomes like lava when I see how red and puffy they are.
“Rosetta is coming to town, and unlike Santa’s visit when I was a kid, I’m anything but excited. At thirty years old, she stilldoesn’t see me, Zakai.” Caziya’s lip quivers, and her eyes mist as my arms damn near squeeze the breath out of her when I tighten my hold.
“I’m already struggling. Please don’t cry, baby.”
Caziya’s body squirms as she attempts to get comfortable, and my heartbeat returns to normal.
“The worst part about talking to Rosetta is that she never even realized the disconnect her words caused in the conversation. She spent a minute or two on the phone telling me how much I should be happy about her coming for a visit. That woman hasn’t been to Ribax since I had knots instead of breasts.” A low chuckle escapes my mouth without my consent because of the knots instead of breasts comment.
It's a clear image that settles in my mind because Caziya has an ample amount of breasts to work with. Even now, they are smushed against me.
“I’m serious. Rosetta got discharged from the hospital and made Aunt Emmy’s house her first stop. She didn’t even take the time to smell the milk on my breath before she was back out the door. Now that I’m in a good place and have a peaceful mind, here she comes. It would be welcomed if she wanted to pretend to be a mother. But no, she wants to hang and rub her accolades in my damn face.”
“You know there’s no law against you not making room for her in your life. Matter fact, let’s not and say you did. If this is how she affects your peace, then I say dodge her. Hell, do you need me to hide you out or kidnap you so it happens?”
For countless seconds, only silence responds to my statements and questions as my hands continue to rub up and down Caziya’s back. If I had it my way, I would stay in this position with this woman forever. Not only am I doing what’s necessary to soothe her, but I’m also finding peace in her presence at the same time. Not knowing the cause of Caziya’sdate cancellation had given my brain too many scenarios to play with. Her cancellation has me momentarily hotter than fish grease because I was looking forward to our night.
But to pop up on her and learn that she had been subjected to another round of parental neglect makes me want to crash out on her incubator. I have no understanding of a mother who purposely chooses to be absent, because Naomi has always been my rider. This moment and fallout are something that I pray Zakiyah never experiences when the time comes to have the conversation about her disgraceful and selfish mother.
“I wish I could. But Rosetta will only hunt me down like a rabid dog if I try to avoid her. Somewhere in her empty brain, she sees nothing wrong with how she handles me. There isn’t a fiber of guilt in her body about neglecting or abandoning me. I just need to figure out how to survive the trainwreck that is sure to come. I also need time to think without my heart bleeding all over you. This feels amazing, but honestly, I need to think without thinking about numbing the pain with your dick.”
“Hm. Are you sure? I’ve been told a time or two that my dick game can perform magic tricks. I could spend the night showing you how easy you can disappear in this mattress with three pumps and some side booty stroking.”
A low yet shaky laugh comes from Caziya, which doesn’t reach her eyes, and it confirms that my lady hurts in a way I’m unable to fix.
“I’m sorry, Zakai. I love that you came in here on your white horse, ready to save me. But I’m asking for some time.”
There’s a plea in Caziya’s tone that matches the sadness that dulls the usual beam in her eyes. I know that no matter what I say or do, I have to allow Caziya the space she’s requesting. Even if the very thought of it puts a damper on my ability to soothe what I didn’t break within her.
“I hear you, and I respect it. Can you agree to call me so I know that you’re good?”
Again, silence ensues, and an unsettling feeling rises from my toes to my shoulders as knots form. It doesn’t help that Caziya is no longer making direct eye contact with me. In fact, her gaze is straight ahead, and the emptiness within her eyes causes a chill to run through my bones. In the twenty-four hours since Caziya and I last talked, her egg donor has shaken her foundation.
“Ziya?” I call in a softer tone than the one I used minutes ago as her head mechanically shifts to stare at me with a blank expression. “W-will you call me?” I don’t know if it’s the chill I’m now experiencing or the lifeless look in Caziya’s eyes that has me tripping over my words for a second.
Caziya robotically nods, and the action doesn’t bring me peace or confirmation, as my stomach clenches tightly.
