Once my fingers stop, another thought enters my mind, and all I can do is smile while I memorize the words.M: My heart beats for you. I: I refuse to let you go. N: No one else holds a candle to your place in my life. E: Every part of me is yours.The breakdown of the word mine hits me like a ton of bricks, and I nod before I exit my vehicle to pick up Zakiyah. The process of picking up Zakiyah is quick, thanks to Ma already having her ready to go. Within ten minutes of my arrival, Zakiyah and I return to my vehicle. A chime from my phone prompts me to retrieve it, and I see that Caziya has sent a reply.
Caziya:
The day would have been better if I hadn’t had to leave you. So yeah, I guess it’s starting okay. *frowning emoji*
Me:
We’re in the same painful boat, Ziya.
A grin forms and stays with me throughout my drive from my parents’ house to Zakiyah’s day care, during the drop-off process, and my journey to work. The warmth that radiates from my chest is what I need to get my day moving and carries me to my lunch hour. No matter how many tasks I complete, emails I reply to, or meetings I attend, my mind doesn’t sway from Caziya. During lunch, I take a minute to consider what I can do to let Caziya know how much I appreciate her place in my life.
“Maybe I should tell her my new definition for mine. Or maybe I can show her the definition in action. After all, Caziya already told me that what I say isn’t nearly as important and merit-worthy as what I show.”
I bite my lip before I release it from the confines of my teeth, before I rub my beard while cycling through ideas. A woman like Caziya deserves something sweet from her man as a representation of not only my dedication, but also my affection. But I also have love for her. The problem is I have to decide on something that will speak my actions like a megaphone at a sporting event.
“Why didI let y’all talk me into morning and afternoon mimosas?” My eyes blink slowly as I stare at the ceiling in my living room.
Jandra, Paula, and I lay on the floor, which I’m grateful has carpet; otherwise, this would be uncomfortable. The three of us have been sipping mimosas since our impromptu brunch a few hours ago.
“A little drinking with friends is never worth apologizing for. I see no issues here,” Jandra says.
“No issues other than we might need to retreat to your bed and configure space for three,” Paula adds.
Giggles escape my mouth, and I can’t determine why, nor can I cut off the unnecessary humor.
“Oh goodness. Looks like you went too heavy with the champagne, P,” Jandra says.
Paula is our bartender designate, and she is heavy-handed, which means the alcohol content in any drink she makes is always more than it should be. Today has been a melancholy and out-of-sorts type of day for me. But I love that my friends, without knowing, pulled up at my apartment to spend time with me. My mood may be why the drinks have continued to flow even after the brunch has been eaten.
“Yes, she did. But pour me a refill because I’m out,” I say and hold up my empty flute as my girls laugh hysterically.
“I know that’s right, bestie,” Jandra teases.
My mind reels as a thought pops in, and I snort before another round of giggles echoes around the room.
“What the hell is so funny, girl?” Paula asks.
“I’m tipsy as hell, and I’m supposed to be going on another date with my man tonight,” I say.
“Wait, what? Why did you let us come over here and wreck you with drinks if you knew this?” Paula’s tone is high-pitched, and all I can do is giggle despite her concern.
I have nothing to say because I can’t tell them that I needed the drinks and their company to numb me from what I can’t yet identify.
“Okay. Perhaps we should all take a nap so you can be well-rested for later. I’m pretty sure Paula and I will blow a breathalyzer if we leave now. So sleeping off this tipsy is what all of us should do,” Jandra says.
“Or we can pour up another refill, and Caziya can tell us about her upcoming date? Where is your man taking you tonight, girl?” Paula asks.
My mind goes to Zakai, and a warm grin forms when his handsome face surfaces, along with the feeling of being in his arms. After several sexual experiences and countless nights withme sleeping on Zakai’s broad yet masculine chest, it’s safe to say that I’m addicted to the feel of him.
“We’re going to some type of party that requires me to get dolled up. Maybe y’all can help me pick something out to wear so I’m not overthinking my attire.”
My phone rings and cuts off my suggestion that they assist me in deciding which of the three formal dresses I recently bought to wear this evening. Unlike most parties, the one that Zakai is taking me to doesn’t start until eight and isn’t over until one in the morning. I pat the floor for my phone and grimace when Rosetta’s name flashes on the screen. My stomach tightens and sours which prevents me from swiping to answer the call. I sigh when the rings cease, but my relief is short-lived when they start back up a second later.
“Let me find out that man is impatient,” Paula jokes.
“It’s uh Ros-Rosetta.” I stutter. I take a deep breath and swipe the green icon to accept the call. “Hel-hello.”
Rosetta calls so infrequently that whenever it happens, it throws me and my body off guard. Maybe this is the reason I have been out of it since waking up today. God was preparing me for this mental hiccup.
