I remove my arm from my eyes, and my head tilts to get a better look at her when a series of thoughts fills my mind. Without reservation and the urge to further enhance this moment, I open my mouth and let my words fly.
“I want you to know that I don’t want anyone else to hold your heart, to taste your kisses, or to feel the warmth of your walls. The moments are mine, only mine. Your heart is mine, and my love will always be yours. You will always be mine.”
Being this open after sex is a first, but I don’t regret a single word that flows from my lips. The mist in Caziya’s eyes tells me that I’m not the only one wearing their heart on their sleeve in this moment.
“Aw, Zakai. That’s the most beautiful thing someone has said to me.”
Desperate for a deeper connection, I pull Caziya closer and connect our lips in a passionate kiss. My arms tighten around Caziya when she moans and deepens our liplock. I can stay herein this moment for the rest of my life and not have a single complaint. This moment carries me through the rest of the night as it transitions to Caziya sleeping on my chest. Melancholy fills me the next morning when the reality of Caziya needing to go to work and me having to pick up Zakiyah becomes our reason for separation.
“I’ll call you when I go to lunch. Until then, think of me today.” Caziya smiles before I tap her hood as she pulls off.
“Damn. How am I already down this bad over this woman? I have never moved this quickly with anyone, including Danica.” I shake my head while heading toward my parents’ house.
I’m helplessly and unobjectively happy with what I have with Caziya. I wonder if I should be this gone over her. It hasn’t been that long since we became a couple, so is it too soon? The last shred of hesitation fades, and I know without a doubt that I’m in love with Caziya. From the adoration I saw in her eyes last night, I’m sure our feelings are mutual.
But right now, all I can think about is the what-if scenarios that fill my mind. Beads of sweat coat my forehead as I analyze the effortless passion between Caziya and me in such a short time. My phone rings, which allows me to shift my thoughts. Asia’s name flashes on the dashboard, upturning my lips before I accept the call.
“What’s good, Sis?”
“I was just thinking about you and decided to call so we can touch base for a few minutes.”
“Aww. Who knew your little ass remembered you have a brother? You spend more time bonding with your niece than you do with me.”
“Let me find out you’re jealous of your daughter,” Asia tells me, and a chuckle falls from my mouth because the last thing I am is envious of my child.
“Not hardly. What’s new with you though?”
Asia tells me what’s been going on with her lately, and it becomes background noise as my thoughts return to Caziya and our relationship. Love can cause a person to forget everything and everyone. It takes me a couple of seconds to register Asia’s loud calls of my name.
“Why are you screaming at me, little girl?”
“Tuh. Imagine my twenty-seven-year-old ass being a girl. But I also wouldn’t have to scream if you didn’t go radio silent on me. What’s got you preoccupied?”
“I’m conflicted because things are moving quickly and seamlessly with Caziya. On one hand, I’m happy and all in with her. But on the other hand, I’m a little scared by how much passion and love that’s effortlessly flowing between us. I just feel like I’m moving so fast.”
“Here’s the thing, Zakai. You’re allowed to be happy. You’re allowed to fall in love. You’re allowed to exercise your right to date. Being a father doesn’t mean that you have to forfeit any of those things. Being responsible isn’t the only thing you’re capable of obtaining.”
A lone tear falls, and I don’t try to wipe or erase it as I listen to the depth within Asia’s words. The inflection in her tone let me know how serious she is, as I nod despite her inability to see me.
“I want you to smile, embrace your woman, and enjoy the ride. Life is too short to get caught up in baseless thoughts that don’t mean you any good. Again, you deserve happiness in all of its splendor.”
My heart leaps, and my chest expands with Asia’s encouragement as my head continues to bob without me uttering a word. Asia doesn’t realize how much her words penetrate my soul and fill me with the okay I need to move forward.
“Th-thank you, little Sis.”
“You don’t ever need to show gratitude with regard to this topic. I will always be an advocate for you to find someone who can give you the kind of love everyone searches for. If this woman makes you feel this vulnerable, then I already know she’s different. She might be the kind of woman that forever is made for.”
You have no idea, Sis. Caziya is the one I intend to marry one day.
“Alright. I just got to Ma and Dad’s house, so I’m gonna let you go. Thanks again for the pep talk. I heard you loud and clear.” I pull into the driveway and turn off my engine to finish this conversation before I exit my vehicle.
“It’s all love. We’ll chat soon.” With that, Asia disconnects the call, and I take a minute to get myself together.
My eyes drift close as I steady my breathing while I take a second to reel in my wayward thoughts. A smile slides into place when Caziya’s image surfaces, and I take a second to text her.
Me:
I hope your day is off to a great start. I have been thinking about you ever since we parted ways. It’s my hope that you miss me just as much as I miss you.
