I hope she’s going to be proud of me. I know she wants me to allow myself to be happy, and this healing journey is the first step to making it happen.
Within the next hour and a half, I’m dressed and already knocking at Sophie’s door in the Verdun neighbourhood. Her house is pretty close to the canal, and for a city house, it has a pretty sizeable yard. From what I can hear, Gwen is already out playing in said yard; I hear her squeal and laugh, followed by Matthew’s booming voice.
My heart constricts, and I close my eyes. But I don’t let myself get too envious. This could be mine soon enough. Once I figure myself out, if Logan doesn’t find anyone else in the meantime, maybe this could be us someday. Maybe, in a few years, it could be the sound of our children laughing that I’ll be hearing behind our home. But I can’t expect him to wait around for me forever.
The door opens, revealing Sophie in a silk bathrobe with Heather in her arms. At first, I don’t move or say anything; I simply stand there like an idiot, my mouth agape. But Sophie doesn’t waste a second. She closes the space between us and wraps me in an embrace, and I find myself pressed against her and her tiny little girl. This contact brings me more comfort than I thought possible.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper against her shoulder. Heather coos, and I step back to give her some breathing room. This lets me look into Sophie’s eyes so I can apologize properly. “I’m really sorry, Sophie. You were right. And I shouldn’t have?—”
“Don’t worry about it. It’s part of the job description.” She smiles as she pulls me inside. “Come!”
An upbeat Sophie drags me through her kitchen and living room all the way to the porch in her backyard. When Gwen sees me, she stops the roughhousing with her dad and squeals my name before running towards us.
“Come here, you,” I say as I catch her in my arms with a big hug. I hold her tight against me. There’s nothing better than a toddler’s hug.
“Aunty Avy, I learn how to do somersaults,” she exclaims as she pulls away from my hug. Her eyes are bright with pride. “Come see, come see!”
“Wait a minute, Gwen, let’s let Auntie Avery settle in first, okay?” Sophie calls out as she settles in at the large glass table on the porch. She’s holding Heather against her chest.
“No, no, I want to see,” I insist. I let Gwen pull me by the hand into the grass, where Matthew is still sitting with an amused look.
“Good to see you, Avery,” he says with a wave. I respond with a nod and a big smile.
“Look, look!” Gwen lets go of my hand and proceeds to perform her somersault in the grass.
“Wow, good job!” I can’t help the huge smile on my face. “That was so good!”
“Do you wanna play with me and Daddy?”
I shoot a look over at Sophie. I do, in fact, want to play with her, but the urge to have my conversation with Sophie is much stronger. Luckily, Sophie gives me a smirk before addressing her daughter: “Maybe a bit later, but for now Auntie Avery wants to talk with Mommy, okay?”
Gwen pouts but immediately runs back to her dad as if she’s completely forgotten about me. It’s so impressive how quickly little kids can move on. They feel deeply, and sometimes in explosive ways, but they can bounce back from it all within minutes, if not seconds. I would be lying if I said I didn’t envy it.
I head back to the table and sit next to Sophie. “Here, why don’t you hold her while I get us some lemonade?” She hands Heather to me. I happily take her in my arms and gasp when she gives me a gummy smile. “Oh, aren’t I the luckiest girl,” I coo to her. She squeals in delight.
Sophie comes back shortly with two tall glasses of lemonade. “She’s been smiling more and more often,” she explains as she sits down. “I thought Gwen was a ray of sunshine, but this one? She’s just always smiling now. We’re so lucky.” I watch Sophie’s eyes fill with love as she looks at her daughter in my arms.
“I love her so much,” I add as I start bouncing her on my knee a bit. “I missed them. I didn’t think I’d miss them like this.”
“I missed you, too,” she replies before taking a sip of lemonade. “And I need to apologize to you, too.”
“What for?”
“For not getting in touch after you …” She winces. “You know.”
“You don’t need to apologize for that.”. My cheeks go pink with embarrassment. “You must have been pretty mad.”
“Actually, no.” She purses her lips. “I mean, sure, I was angry at first. Like, my initial reaction was being angry. But after five minutes, I calmed down and figured that you needed some space. I knew you’d reach back out when you were ready, and I didn’t want to push you. But I’m sorry if that’s not what you needed.”
“No, no, it’s fine. I think it’s exactly what I needed. In fact—” I inhale deeply, “that’s what I told Logan, too.”
Sophie frowns. “What do you mean?”
I proceed to tell her the whole story. The way Logan and I argued. His hurtful comment. How my dad called. And what I figured out I needed after all this.
Sophie sits there, looking dumbfounded. “So after all that … you broke it off? The guy told you he loved you—which, by the way, I told you so—and you decided to break it off?”
“Yes, because you were right,” I say sheepishly. I stroke Heather’s soft head; the gesture is more to soothe myself than her. “That argument was going to be the first of many. I don’t want him to start resenting me because of my issues. I need to be alone. Like, really be alone and clear all this stuff out of my head. God, Sophie, I think it was the most painful thing I’ve ever done, but I think it’s for the best.”
