She keeps staring at me with her mouth slightly open. “Still … I mean …” She sighs. “But if you’re telling me that’s what you need, then I believe you. It’s just …” She pauses, and I can see her thinking hard. “Hmm.”
“What is it?”
“Nah. Never mind.” She shrugs and looks over at her partner and daughter. “So what now, then? It’s not like you can afford another retreat.”
I grin. “Yeah, about that …”
CHAPTER24
I’m sitting on the cobblestone deck overlooking the Blue Ridge Mountains, a blanket wrapped around my shoulders. The fire at the center of the deck is burning bright against the backdrop of the setting sun. I’m feeling a bit too hot—to be honest, the blanket is more for warmth than comfort. There’s no need for blankets during a North Carolina summer night.
I’m far from alone. Around the fire sit half a dozen other people from all walks of life. Right now, they’re chatting and laughing together. Normally, I would have joined them like I have for every previous night of my stay at Prakriti Mountain Wellness, but my mind is feeling a little distant tonight. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that we’re all going home in the morning.
To say Sophie had been jealous was an understatement. After telling her where I was headed, I then promised I’d check in after this extra project, after I’d racked up a bit more goodwill, to see if I could get a friends and family discount for her to attend the retreat. That satisfied her.
Now that the ten days of Panchakarma are over, all I can do is stare into the fire as the voices of my fellow retreat-goers ring in the background. The flames dance in harmony, bringing my heart along with it.
These past ten days have been nothing short of transformative. Everything I wrote about is true. I laughed, I cried, I dug deep in places I never thought I’d go. And now that it’s all over, I’m trying to make sense of where I’m at.
Because, yes—I feel completely renewed. I feel like I’ve shed this skin and gone through a complete metamorphosis of the body and mind. Spending all this time alone but not alone, surrounded by the healers who held my hand all the way through, helped me kickstart the healing process. But now that it’s all over, I can’t help but feel like something is slightly off.
I don’t know what I’m waiting for, exactly. Maybe it’s time that needs to pass, to soothe my wounds. Maybe I’m still too close to everything. But part of me still feels heartsick. In my journey of healing and figuring myself out, I hadn’t considered I would need to heal from this heartbreak. But of course, it’s all part of it.
“Avery, you’re awfully quiet tonight,” one of the women, Yvonne, calls out to me. She’s in her late sixties with some of the longest, most beautiful silver hair I’ve ever seen framing her teardrop-shaped eyes. Ever since we arrived, she has seemed at home in this place.
“Oh, yeah,” I say, snapping out of my thoughts. “Sorry. I’m just thinking everything over.”
“If you don’t mind me saying, you look a little bit distraught,” she continues. Gary, the middle-aged man sitting next to her, nods as if to agree with her.
“I don’t know if distraught is the right word,” I chuckle. “I’m just thinking of, you know, what’s next and everything.”
Because right now, right here, I feel oddly at peace. But when I imagine what’s next—going back to my lonely apartment and doing, I don’t know what, while I try to attain some sense of mental fortitude—that peace shatters.
Is this part of the process? I don’t know. All I know is that I long to be in Logan’s arms, and I thought it would have been easier by now, but it’s not.
And I’m wondering if he’s faring any better than me.
CHAPTER25
The ringtone pulls me out of my sleep in a dazed surprise; half-blind, I fumble to reach my phone on my nightstand. Who could be calling at such an hour?—
Oh. It’s 11 a.m.
Sophie’s name is on the caller ID. Strange. It’s not like her to call. She’ll usually text me if she wants to chat or even see me. We’re millennials, after all.
I answer straight away with a groggy voice: “Hello?”
“Hi! Oh, shit, did I wake you?”
“No? Maybe?”
“Dude, it’s 11 a.m.”
I sigh and try to rub the sleep from my eyes. “Yeah, I know.” Waking up without an alarm has been a part of my ‘healing journey’, or whatever I want to call it. Since I’m only working with Prakriti Mountain Wellness right now, and their deadlines are pretty loose, I don’t have a ton of work to catch up on. This gives me plenty of time to just … be.
I could have taken on extra contracts, especially with the inquiries coming my way. But right now, I’m choosing simplicity.
To be honest, just ‘being’ has involved a lot of sleep and lying in bed, questioning my decision to break up with Logan.
