Just then, I heard my phone ring, disturbing the moment. I pulled it out of the pocket of my hoody and saw Maya’s number on the screen. ‘It’s Maya,’ I said to Jay. ‘I’d better take it. Maya, is everything okay?’ I asked, answering the phone, while Jay picked up the remote to lower the volume on the TV.
‘Sorry for calling so late. I… eh… was just wondering if you’re free to meet for coffee after the school run tomorrow.’ She sounded upset.
‘Sure, of course I can. Are you all right?’ We had crossed paths in the waiting room that evening as we had been coming out from our appointment with Julia but we hadn’t had time to chat. Something must have happened during their session, I guessed.
‘I’ll fill you in tomorrow,’ she said with a note of resignation in her voice.
‘All right. You look after yourself. Whatever it is, it’s all going to be okay.’
‘Thanks, Liv,’ she said, her voice choking.
‘Is everything okay?’ Jay asked after I had hung up.
‘Yeah, I hope so…’ I said uncertainly. ‘She sounded upset. She wants to meet for coffee in the morning. Sounds like they might have had a tough time with Julia tonight.’
‘They’re not the only ones…’ Jay quipped, exhaling heavily.
24
LIV
When I met Maya the next morning in the same coffee shop we always went to, she looked noticeably less glamorous than I was used to seeing her. She was wearing gym leggings and an oversized sweatshirt. She had no make-up on her face, and although her glass-like skin was flawless, she looked tired and dark circles shadowed her eyes.
‘Is everything okay?’ I asked when I saw her entering the coffee shop.
She shook her head. ‘No, it’s not. Last night’s session was our worst yet. It was awful.’ She started to sob.
‘Oh, honey, it’s okay,’ I said, rubbing her arm. ‘You go and sit down and I’ll get the coffees.’
‘Thanks, darling.’
I went up to the counter and when I had ordered our usuals, made my way down to the table where she was sitting, holding her head in her hands.
‘So, what happened?’ I asked, putting her matcha down on the table before her.
‘Basically, Hugo managed to convince Julia that I have a drink problem,’ she cried in disbelief.
‘Really? Oh my God. That’s awful.’
‘I mean I like a glass or two of wine in the evenings when Elliot is in bed but that doesn’t make me an alcoholic.’
‘Of course it doesn’t,’ I soothed even though Jay and I never drank at home.
‘It’s going from bad to worse. How have we got here, Liv?’ she asked me desperately. ‘When I think back to our wedding day – how perfect it all was and the amazing connection between us – our love was so strong, I never thought that anything would tear us apart. I just don’t understand how it’s all gone so wrong…’ Tears pushed forward and ran down her cheeks and my heart broke for her. ‘Anyway,’ she announced resolutely, changing tone. ‘I’m not going to let him get to me.’ She used her thumbs to wipe away her tears. ‘Sorry, I never even asked how you guys got on?’
‘It wasn’t great either, to be honest. I really don’t see how we’re going to come to a decision without one of us compromising on something that’s important to us.’
‘You still don’t want to have another baby?’ Maya asked, taking a sip from her matcha.
‘It’s not that I don’t want to – I’d love nothing more, especially now that Finn keeps asking about it. I keep thinking of his little face and how it lights up every time he mentions getting a new baby brother or sister. I feel awful that I’m not able to give him the one thing he really wants. And Jay isn’t helping; he’s one of five and he really wants Finn to grow up with siblings too. The way Jay goes on, it’s like I’m going to ruin our son’s childhood if he remains an only child.’
‘Jay shouldn’t be putting so much pressure on you, Liv.’
‘He’s not,’ I said, quickly defending him. ‘Well, he’s trying not to, but every time we go to Julia’s, we have to discuss it. I guess Jay thought counselling would “fix” me – that I’d come round to his way of thinking eventually – but the fear of somethingawful happening again will never leave me. The more we talk about it, the more I feel like I’ll never be ready. It feels as though counselling is just driving a wedge between us.’
‘That makes two of us,’ she agreed grimly. ‘I’m starting to wish I had never bothered going.’
We talked some more until our coffees were nearly gone.
