I want to ask her if she’s okay. If there’s anything I can do. I want to talk about how we’re both feeling and how we can help each other through it.
I’m frustrated because I want to be there for her. I want to stop the nightmares that wake her up at night. The nightmares she’s not talking to me about, but I know about because I’m up all night trying to avoid my own.
We’re both fucked up and probably should take some time apart, but I miss her already. I was going to ask her to come with me. Finish her degree while we start fresh.
Now I’m stuck here staring into my palms, wondering what I’m going to do next as tears stream down my face. Grabbing oneof the throw pillows to scream into, I then bring it to my face. Her scent hits me in the face immediately.
I didn’t even sob this hard after losing my father. She’s gone. Zah left me.
“I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t know what to do. I’m so fucking sorry,” I sob.
CHAPTER 26
Not Alone
Zahirah
Two months later …
“Hey,Mom. I’m going to grab a bite and a milkshake. You want anything?” I call through the house as I grab my car key.
I need some fresh air. Today has been rough. I’ve been torturing myself watching clips of Bentley during OTAs. He looks good but distracted at times.
In the last two months, he’s been one of the main stories on rotation. How he lost his father and a close family friend only a month before being drafted in the first round. They’ve been questioning his mental ability to be ready for this.
I want to tell them all to shut the fuck up and allow him to do his job. Throwing a ball is like breathing for Bentley. When it’s time to show up, he will. I know he will.
He’s going to do this for his dad. They don’t know him like I do. I’ve picked up the phone to call him a million times, but I know neither of us is ready.
“I’m fine. You go and enjoy yourself. Don’t rush back,” Mom calls back to me.
“Okay, you sure I can’t bring you anything back?”
“No, I’m headed next door in a bit to sit with Fran for a little while.”
“All right, love you. Tell Mrs. Fran I said hello.”
“Um-hm. She told me you’ve been avoiding her. You need to go over there and tell her hello yourself. She’d love to see you.”
“Yeah, I know. I will,” I say quickly and dip out the door.
I haven’t been able to face Bentley’s mother. It’s hard enough to see the sadness in my own mother’s eyes. Eddy comes over almost every day looking for me. He’s such a sweet kid.
Other than that, I’ve been avoiding all the Coswells. Lauren and Tara have invited me to hang out, but I just don’t feel right. There’s a part of me that wonders if Bentley was right.
Did I abandon him? Maybe there was another way to do this. I shake those thoughts off as I head for my car.
“I had to come all the way home to get you to talk to me.”
I turn to find Erica glaring at me. I gasp and rush to tug her into a hug. I don’t even bother to think about it. I miss her so much.
“I should push you on your ass, but I’ve missed you too much,” she grumbles as we embrace tightly.
“I’ve missed you too.”
“Then why haven’t you been answering my calls?”
“I don’t know. Things ended so messed up with your brother. I was trying to make a clean break.”
