I feel my eyes sting as I reach for my phone and call my mom.
She answers on the second ring, and my emotions take over immediately. Tears well in my eyes and a sob builds in my chest the moment she asks how I’m doing. I didn’t think at thirty-five I’d still be running to my mom for guy problems.
“Mija,” she says softly into the phone as I rub my eyes before finally filling her in on every detail of the last couple months.
There’s no lulls in our conversion. No moments where she’s trying to convince me one way or another on things—except she does mention many times how handsome Liam is, and I agree every single time.
“Well.” She sighs. And I can picture her right now. Out on the front porch in her rocking chair, looking out at the Arizona mountains across the street from the house I grew up in. “You know I will be the first one to tell you how special it is to love someone. I knew you seemed happier lately when we spoke, but I wanted to wait for you to tell me why. Or should I say, your father told me not to bother you with questions since you’re a grown woman.”
I laugh at that and envision their conversion over my love life and the ups and downs it’s seen in the last year.
“I’m not telling you what to do, I know that’s not why you called me. But I am going to say one thing, and I need you to listen.” She clears her throat, and I know that means she wants me to really hear her. “You deserve a calm love. I know you’ve been working on moving forward, trusting again—and, my love, I think you did it without knowing. It happens like that sometimes. An ordinary dinner, a simple conversation, maybe in ways you wouldn’t have pictured. Life won’t feel so hard, things will slow down. You’ll finally exhale.”
I swallow the lump in my throat at her words.
“I’m not saying you love this man or don’t love him, I’m simply saying that you’re free.”
My head nods up and down as she speaks, pivoting to comparing moving on to growing up. She does that sometimes. And I smile to myself at the way she so seamlessly flows through conversations and subject changes.
Is she right, though? Did something happen without me even realizing it? Did I somehow let Liam in? The hotshot quarterback who’s had his eyes on me for years. Would it be the worst thing in the world if I did love him? Could I?
“I just don’t know what to do. I need time to think.” I sigh.
“How is work?” she asks, switching gears, and I’m thankful for it. “Any word on that promotion?”
I should have led our conversation with that—but somehow that’s not the most pressing thing happening in my life at the moment.
“Yeah, actually. I think it’s a real possibility. My boss is great and really pushing for me, so we’ll see.”
My job is another thing to consider with all this Liam talk too. If I get this promotion, my home base can be anywhere. I’ll travel with a network for prime-time games—and my association with Liam would be minimal, if at all, professionally.
She asks about the holidays, and we end our call shortly after that, but not before I thank her. Not just for the talk tonight, but always.
When I lost Bri, I thought I lost the only person I’d ever really share my secrets with. But, it turns out, when you’re an adult your mom doesn’t have to only be your mom, she can be your friend too.
I haven’t seen Demi in two days. And I’m fucking sick about it. I can’t sleep.
“So, you’re worried you scared her off, huh?”
Chase props his feet up on the ottoman in his living room. My hand runs through my hair for the seventh time in the last few minutes, feeling anxious and worried, but still not regretting the words I let slip.
“Well, I was taught not to talk about emotions and feelings. That they’re distracting, so you keep it all inside. And, you know, I’ve only been working on rewiring that part of my brain for a year now.”
“Dana’s got her work cut out with you,” Chase jokes with a sly grin. “No, really, though, that’s shit advice. Don’t keep your feelings all bottled up.”
“I don’t have any regrets telling her I love her.” I catch Summer walking out of CeCe’s bedroom, and I continue as shetakes a seat next to Chase. “But I know she didn’t want to hear it. And I’m worried it’s too much for her. MaybeI’mbeing too much for her.”
“No,” Summer says, nestling closer to Chase. “Don’t let your mind convince you that expressing a feeling is being too much.”
Summer’s eyes flicker to Chase before she focuses them back on me.
“I’ve been getting really comfortable expressing myself,” I say with my head down. I continue walking in fucking circles around their living room, and I can feel Chase’s stare burning through me, telling me to sit the fuck down.
Summer nods. “You have been. I really am proud of you, and I honestly think Demi is part of the reason you’ve been able to start talking about your feelings more.”
“Yeah.” I sigh, shaking my head at myself.
“I’m serious, Liam.” Summer pulls away from Chase and sits up, but her hand still rests on his knee.
