The next three monthswere spent meticulously combing through the details of my trip. The flight was booked, hotels set up, and I found the most dream-like cottage in Inverness to stay at. Located on a local estate surrounded by highland wilderness, exactly what I had envisioned for my stay. It was all approaching so quickly, causing my nerves to twist themselves in doubt.
Two weeks completely on my own sparked an unknown fear within. No Abigail to call when the darkness lurked its way out of parts of my mind. No work to distract myself from the empty home that used to be so full of love.
More than that, there would be no Camden.
When I first started to plan this trip for Camden and myself, I had envisioned us wandering hand in hand amongst the rolling hills or tucked away together in some small café a thousand times over. Every imagined scenario involved him, and now I was headedhalfway across the globe without him. There wasn’t a spot on Earth that I could go where the absence of Camden wouldn’t be noticed. Even my hometown felt smaller and smaller each day that passed without him.
Everywhere I looked, there was some reminder of him and my heart would break all over.
Camden and I met a few years after I was out of high school. The decision for me to stay local to attend university was easy. I needed to in order to stay close to Abigail, who was still in high school. Our mother lacked the empathy one needed to be a decent mother. Hell, even a decent human. I couldn’t bear to leave Abby alone with her.
My path first crossed with Camden when I was in my second year. Camden was a year older when we first met. I had been in the library finishing a paper when he walked in. I barely looked up from the table when he found his way over and slid into the chair across from me.
I remembered the brightness of his voice as he greeted me. It caused my head to snap up, and our eyes met for the first time. Time stalled as I sat there, staring into his deep brown irises before I caught myself. There was a lazy smile splashed across his face. His black hair curled and fell just above his eyebrows; all it took was a moment, and he seemed to steal the very air from my lungs.
“Do you mind?” he said as he gestured toward the table. He flung his bag on top without waiting for an answer and began removing his computer, making himself comfortable.
“Uh, yeah, I guess, but you know there are plenty of open tables in here.”
Our eyes locked as he said, “I know, but none of them have you.” He held my gaze, and heat began crawling up the back of my neck and my cheeks burned with a blush.
I had never met someone who was so direct. I squirmed under the boldness of his obvious flirtation. He extended his hand across the table. “I’m Camden.” I swore to this day that electricity shot up my arm from the initial touch. “I’m Lennon.”
“Lennon,” he repeated. “That’s beautiful.” A few simple words from a stranger and I was hooked. A second with this person, and my body was on fire. I hadn’t felt anything like it in however how long. It had been years since anyone had caught my attention, not since high school, but I refused to think about him.
We began meeting every week at that same table. Some days we sat in comfortable silence as we poured over our work, others everything fell to the wayside as we lost ourselves in conversation. Weeks bled into months as we fell in love amongst the books, our days in the library turned into late night dinners and early morning coffees. Camden brought fire and excitement into my life, and in turn, I brought him balance and dependability.
We were married by the time I turned twenty-five. In a small church ceremony, we vowed to love each other through this life and the next and any lifetime that followed. You couldn’t find two people more devoted to each other, two souls that had been created together in the beginning, destined to live out every timeline interlaced.
Then, in some cruel twist of fate, all of this came crashing down around me the day he died. Even knowing how it all ended, I wouldn’t change a single moment.
The piercing ring of a phone pulled me from the past, and I glanced at the name that appeared across the top of the screen—Charlotte. I answered on the next ring, knowing the woman would keep calling. “Hi, Charlotte.” My mother-in-law was truly a wonderful person, warm and caring. She lost her only son and still found it in her to check in on me. Countless times, I would find myself in her arms as grief would take over. She would hold me while I cried and promise that it would get easier with time. All I needed was time.
“Hello darling, how are you?” Her voice was light and reassuring. It had been a few weeks since we last spoke. It wasn’t on purpose, but had happened nonetheless, an unconscious separation between myself and his family. Whatever the cause, nothing would stop Charlotte from continuing to keep up with me; even in death, I was still her daughter.
“I am actually in the middle of packing. I’ll be out of the country for a few weeks.” I grimaced slightly. I didn’t understand why, but it seemed like I was lying by not telling her sooner. That soon passed as I heard a squeal of laughter coming from the other end of the line. “How wonderful! Where are you going? No, wait, let me guess.” She had the unique ability to pull excitement out of me.
Charlotte was the rarest of mothers-in-laws. She loved me with such conviction I often forgot she was Camden’s mother and not my own. From the moment Camden had introduced us, therewasn’t a moment that I didn’t feel welcomed or loved. She doted on us both. No birthday went unnoticed, no job promotion gone uncelebrated; she left much to be desired in my own mother.
She prattled off a few countries before I cut in. “Belarus?! No, what?” Laughing while shaking my head. “It’s Scotland, Charlotte.” Giving her the answer.
“Oh, how wonderful, dear. You must be so excited! Are you leaving soon?” I knew that her interest was genuine, but there was a nagging pull in my chest that she was only keeping me close so she could hang on to some small part of Camden. It wasn’t fair for me to think this way about a woman who would drop everything to help me in my time of need, but it didn’t stop the doubt from creeping into my consciousness.
“I fly out tomorrow and will be there for two weeks.” I was almost done packing, but I still didn’t want to linger on the phone.
“And is Abby going with you?” My head dipped backwards as I shut my eyes.
I inhaled deeply. “Uh, no, I am going on my own.”
There was a heavy pause that was only broken by Charlotte’s quiet, “Hmm, I see.”
I stood from the bed where I had been organizing my suitcases and stepped in front of the mirror. “I’m just hoping to start living my life again, and I figured why not start off strong with a once in a lifetime trip?” Maybe if I said it enough times out loud, it would be true.
“Well, I think it’s about time. You are an incredible person, Lennon. You deserve to be happy. Camden would be so proud of you.” I smiled at my reflection. I almost believed it this time.
“Ooh,” she continued. “Who knows? Maybe it will be like one of those Hallmark movies and you’ll meet a millionaire who will sweep you off your feet.” My laugh echoed throughout the room.
“I… that’s not why… oh wow, that’s too good, Charlotte.” I gasped out in between breaths while my heartbeat thumped in my chest at even the thought of being with someone new.
