“This is weird,” I said out loud, only halfway on accident. He barked out a laugh.
“So weird.” He dragged his hand down his face and scratched at the stubble on his jaw. I wondered if he was nervous. It would've been nice to know that I was not the only one in that boat.
“Do you remember our first time?” I wondered out loud. Nothing calmed your nerves more than bringing up a past encounter where we fumbled our way through two minutes of awkwardness.
“Vividly,” he said as he winced and slunk down in the chair that sat next to the desk in the farthest corner of the room.
“This feels kind of like that. I’m nervous and excited, but also terrified of what will happen after,” I said.
The stories ran rampant at school of boys dating a girl, telling them how much they love them, only for them to leave once they got what they wanted out of the relationship. While I never consciously lumped Theo into that category, as an eighteen-year-old girl, it was still in the back of my mind. Nearly two decades later, my self-consciousness was still lingering in the back of my brain. I was terrified of this next step and that it would ruin what we had re-established and the closer relationship we had cultivated in the past few weeks. I wanted to stay in this bubble we had created, where the tension was so thick, Icould taste it.
But when he looked at me the way he was now, with eyes that burned with desire, I was the fastest to shred what thin barrier we had left.
In a flash, he was off the chair and kneeling in front of me. His head tilted up, and he looked at me with pupils blown so wide they dripped with desire. His tongue popped out to wet his bottom lip as he kept his hand on my bare knee to steady himself. “Lennon,” he exhaled as his hand trailed up my thigh, so slow that I squirmed under the anticipation, but the heat that it left in its wake was an excruciating bliss. My legs parted of their own volition at his touch. “All you have to do is tell me to stop, and I will.” His voice was low and commanding, with just a hint of desperation.
“I don’t want to stop.” My confession spurred him forward, and that was all it took before his mouth was on me. He pressed wet open mouth kisses to the inside of my thigh, causing my head to fall back and my eyelids to drop closed.
“Eyes open, Lenny, I don’t want you missing out on any of the fun.” His voice taunted me into submission and my eyes opened.
He pushed my dress up past my hips, exposing the black lace underwear I thankfully chose to wear today. He groaned at the sight as he pressed his cheek against the inside of my knee, causing my legs to spread wider. I watched him through heavy eyes as he dragged his tongue closer to my center, causing me to squirm in my spot. I couldn’t tell if it was because it had been so long since I’d been intimate with someone, or just the sight of Theo on his knees in front of me that had me soaked.
It didn’t take long for him to realize it, either, as he dragged his thumb along my covered slit, causing a shiver to rake through my body from his touch. There was a dark chuckle from him as he hooked his fingers onto both sides of my underwear and dragged them down my legs at an unbearably slow pace. The second they were off, they disappeared as he tossed them to the side, and his hand returned to my thighs, pulling me to the edge of the bed. I squeaked at the sudden movement, and my eyes flashed open when he licked the full length of me.
“Heaven,” I heard him say before he dove back in, latching his lips onto me.
“Oh God,” I panted out. My brain had actually stopped working; there were no other words in my head.
Please.The word echoed through my head.
I couldn’t help it as I fell back onto the bed, unable to support my weight and focus on the pure bliss that was consuming me. I was being devoured, and I loved every fucking second of it. The room was filled with the sounds of my heavy breathing and I wasn’t making any sense as I chanted the wordpleaseover and over. The tightening in my lower abdomen wound with every stroke of his finger.
“Please, what, my love?” he said as he placed a soft kiss on the inside of my thigh.
I didn’t realize I had said that out loud
“More, I need more,” I panted out. He pulled his hand from me when he stood, taking my dress with him and it joined my underwear somewhere else in the room. I sat up and pulled hisshirt from where it was tucked into his pants and slid it up over him, letting my hand trail back down his chest and stomach as I sat back down on the bed. His abs tightened where my nails skimmed across his skin and followed the trail of hair down his stomach to the top of his pants. I held his gaze as I slipped open his belt, and popped open the button of his pants. His breath hitched when I dragged the zipper down and shimmied him out of his pants.
Gone was the boy with the hands that would shake and fumble when he would unclasp my bra. Standing in front of me was a man that looked as if he had been sculpted for a museum; my head hurt with how beautiful he was.
Turning my body, I crawled towards the middle of the bed and beckoned him to follow me, which he did eagerly. The sheets were cool to the touch of my blazing skin as Theo fell between my knees. His tan arms bracketed my head as he looked down at me with lust clouded eyes. He searched my face for something.
Pleasewas still the only thing I could think of in this moment.
“Hold on, let me grab a...” I didn’t let him finish before I tugged him down to me into a searing kiss.
“You don’t have to. I… I have an IUD and I trust you,” I stammered as I scrambled to get his boxers off his hips and down his legs. He met my fervor with a kiss of his own. My body melted underneath him, and I knew I didn’t want a single thing coming between us.
Before I could draw my next breath, he entered me, capturing my moan with his mouth, and my back arched off the bed.
“I was wrong before—this is heaven. You are my heaven.” He was rambling, but his words added to the euphoria I was currently swimming in. Every stroke, every kiss, every touch caused my heart to race and sunbursts to erupt behind my closed eyes. Theo spewed nonsense in my ear, but I could only catch words like perfect and mine. He was relentless as he continued to slide in and out of me until the tightness in me finally snapped and I fell over into bliss with Theo not far behind.
My name was the last thing out of his mouth.
We laid there for minutes, wrapped in a tangle of each other’s limbs. Slowly my heart rate came down and I rolled over to look at him. I propped my head up on my hand, my curls in disarray as they spilled down the back of my head. He didn’t seem to notice, though, as his hand wrapped around them and pulled me in for a kiss.
“I think my brain has stopped working,” I said as he started laughing beside me. I nuzzled my way closer into him and listened to the beat of his heart as I drifted asleep.
thirty-three
