Tonight was supposed to be a chance to put myself out there and allow myself the space to grow. All I wanted was a simple evening where I could talk to someone new, to laugh and be able to prove to myself that I was ready to move on—romantically. Now I didn’tknow what I was ready for. If I couldn’t get through a simple dinner, how could I expect to actually be with anyone?
I can’t, was what I was beginning to realize. Maybe I wasn’t meant to be anything other than what I was now. A thirty-five-year-old widow, destined to be alone forever.
Even if my gut was telling me, it wasn’t what I wanted.
My face was taut once the tears dried and I was drained. Abby knew that I didn’t want to be alone, so together we crawled under the safety of my blankets. For a moment, I was transported back in time, and we were ten and seven again, seeking refuge from our mom in my bed.
Before I drifted off to sleep, Abby whispered into the dark that as long as she was here, I’d never be alone. But tonight, as I slept, it was only dreams of Theo and a life that we could have together that were waiting for me.
twenty
Theo
Soulmates were a funnything. Whether you believe there was only one person for everyone, or you have soulmates that are there for different parts of your life, it’s all such a strange concept to me. Either way you spin it, I knew in my bones that Lennon was the one for me. I knew it when I was fifteen and pining after her while stuck in the friend zone. I knew it at eighteen when I was breaking her heart in order to get my life on track.
And I know it now.
Out of all the souls that have existed and would exist, mine would forever belong to hers.
But her date was unexpected and sent me into a spiral the moment she told me. That was until Abby reached out last night to let me know it apparently didn’t go well. There was a side of me that was dying to race over to her and offer whatever comfort she was willing to take from me. Then there was the other side, thathad been walking around with a smug look on my face. One less person I would have to potentially compete with.
He must have done something so out of pocket for it not to have been a good night. Or… what if he did something that scared her? What if he pushed her too far into doing something that she wasn’t ready for?
There was also a third side that was fuming. All it would take was a quick call to Abby to find out who he was, and I may not be a top investigator, but for Lennon, I would find him in a second. But that was not what I wanted right now.
What I wanted was to see her. It was currently eight in the morning, and on a Sunday, no less. Being the king of impulse, I was walking up toward her house an hour later with grocery bags filled with everything to make brunch, but the closer I got to the door, the more doubt started to kick up.
What if I was overstepping? Maybe she’d answer the door and want nothing to do with me after whatever she went through last night. It was too late. My hand was raised to knock at the door. A beat passed before the door swung open and there she was.
For the rest of time, the sight before me would be ingrained in my mind.
Lennon stood in the doorway, like an angel with a halo made of hair. It was everywhere. I mean, everywhere. The strands fell down around her face in unruly curls. It was standing up in the front and somehow in the back, as well. There was so much of her skin exposed in the small sleep set she was wearing. The blue stood out against her skin, showing off the sprinkling of soft brown freckleson her chest. The shorts were barely grazing the tops of her thighs. I involuntarily swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat.
I was staring, but my God, she was beautiful.
She shifted back and forth on bare feet as she stared back at me. Her arms folded tightly across her chest, the thin strap of her top slipped off her shoulder and pulled my focus from her face. I shook my head slightly to bring myself back to what I was here for. Plastering a smile on my face, I greeted her.
“Good morning,” I said, my voice took on an annoying sounding pitch.
“What are you doing here?” her voice was thick and cracked as she spoke. After taking a step forward, I noticed her eyes were rimmed red. I settled on half honesty when I answered.
“I missed you. And I thought I’d bring over everything to make breakfast.” Not I missed you and I hated that you sat across from a man who wasn’t me for a date. Please let me love you.
She tilted her head to the side. I braced myself for the rejection, a door in my face or her telling me flat out to leave. I wondered which would be worse, but she was full of surprises. She moved out of the doorway and walked toward the back of the house. I took my chance and followed her inside, but turned toward the kitchen. That was when another voice spoke up to say good morning.
Abby was sitting at the island in the middle of the kitchen, clutching a coffee mug beneath her chin. A coy smile took up the space on her face as she arched her brow at me. I groaned internally, but I was sure she could see the way my shoulders sagged slightly.
“What a pleasant surprise, Theo. What are you doing here?” Her voice dripped with sarcasm and amusement. I placed the bags in front of her on the counter and with daggers in my eyes. It only made her throw her head back and laugh out.
Abby had been a saving grace for me since I’d been back. She might be the only one who realized I never stopped loving Lennon, and it had been great to actually talk to someone about it. Lennon walked back out in time to watch the end of my stare off with Abby. My eyes skated over her new outfit choice just in time for Abby to continue laughing. I took a deep breath and shook my head of the thoughts that were beginning to cloud my brain.
Her smile was back, if only slightly ,and it felt like the sun’s warmth was filling this room as she climbed up onto a stool and relaxed back into the seat. “So, you brought breakfast,” she stated as she crossed her arms.
“Yes,” I answered as I held her gaze. Showing up unannounced wasn’t something I did, we had fairly clear boundaries of our friendship. I might toe them here and there, but I knew my place, even if it was one I would like to break free from.
She shook her head. “Well, what did you bring?”
Oh, good. She wasn’t going to kick me out for showing up like a creep.
