Maybe it was my wishful thinking, but it sounded like remembrance.
“So, tell me, Theo, what have you been up to all these years?” She leaned back in her chair, lifting her eyebrows in question.
I recounted my life since I left, from the couple years of community college on the East Coast to the job I landed with Castle Architecture Magazine as a freelance photographer. I described all the countries I had been sent to over the past ten years as Lennon sat with her face in her hands, her attention never straying. I pulled up some of my work from various social media accounts to show her, a part of me screaming internally, “It was all because of you. Don’t you see?”
“These are beautiful, Theo. Is that why you’re here in Scotland, for the magazine?” Our food was finished, and we sat together, talking over her wineglass and my empty water. We had slipped into a comfortable cadence of conversation. Any doubt that had crossed my mind when we first sat down evaporated.
“Yes,” I exclaimed. It had been so long since someone had been this interested in my work, I could've keep her late into the night, just talking. “Did you know that Scotland has more than a thousand castles? The next quarter’s issue will be dedicated strictly to the country. I won’t be able to visit all of them, obviously, but I’m here for the next few weeks and will try to get to as many as possible.” When I finished my rant, I found her smiling at me, it was bright and blinding. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her.
She laughed as she shook her head. “You said it was fate this morning, and I think I’m beginning to agree.” I cocked my head at her statement as she continued to laugh. She leaned forward, beckoning me in, and I had no choice but to obey.
“You’re here for castles? That’s exactly what I’m here for.”
“Is that so?”
The playfulness she was exuding seemed to vanish a second later. She sat back in her seat and took a deep breath. “Did you know that I was married?” she asked. I nodded yes, and her smile dropped slightly. “And did you know that he died two years ago?”
“I did.” If I surprised her with my honesty, she didn’t show it.
“We would have been married ten years this year, and before he died, we started to plan this trip.” She took a long sip from her wineglass before continuing, and I kept quiet. There was no surprise how easy it was for me to fall back into habits I had when I was with Lennon. I knew she talked more when you left her with the room to keep speaking, and all I wanted was to know was everything about her.
“I have been… lost, I guess you can say, since Camden died. I haven’t been interested in moving on or forward in any way until recently. Abby encouraged me to take this trip as a start, saying it’s something Camden would have wanted for me, and she was right. So here I am. By myself, hoping that it will help push me in the right direction to start living my life again.”
She stared into her glass as she dragged her finger slowly along the rim. She was so much the same and yet so vastly different. I reached across the table and placed my hand on top of hers.
She jumped slightly at the intrusion, and before I could snatch my hand back, cursing my stupidity, she turned her palm upwards and gave my hand a slight squeeze before she returned hers to her lap. My stomach flipped back and forth at her touch, and timeseemed to lurch around us. It came to a halt and picked up at light speed all in the matter of seconds. Before I could stop myself, words poured out of my mouth in the most reckless manner.
“Lenny, what if we went together?” It was a dirty play, but I used her nickname on purpose and her face softened, just like I knew it would. My heart thundered in my chest, threatening to break free and expose itself to her.
She looked panicked. The waitress had come and gone with the check as we stood to step back outside.
This was it, the last time I would see her, and my heart already missed her. Of course, she didn’t want to spend two weeks with someone she didn’t really know—anymore, at least.
I was an idiot.
“I’m sure you have your trip planned out and say no if you really do not want to, but like you said, we are both here for the castles. I have a loose itinerary; we can fit in exactly what you want to see, and it’s likely the same spots I was headed, anyway. I also have a few places that I was able to get special access to that the public normally does not get to go that I think you would enjoy.” I was terrified that I scared her off entirely.
“I know it sounds crazy, but you don’t have to be here alone if you don’t want to.”
“I don’t know, Theo, you’re going for work. Wouldn’t I be in the way?” She fiddled with the strap of her purse, looking anywhere but my face.
“No, not at all. Honestly, it would be nice. Normally, I do these trips by myself. Having someone to share it with who is interestedin the sites would be a nice change. You don’t have to decide right now, but I would like you to come. Here, take my number.” I pulled my phone out, and we exchanged numbers. She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth as she contemplated the option I had presented to her.
“Let me think about it and I’ll text you. I still have another day for my stay here in Edinburgh that I would like to finish.” The night surrounded us as Lennon tilted her head up to meet my gaze. The cold wrapped around us as our breaths came out in smoke-like puffs.
Dreams couldn’t compare to the sight of her standing in front of me and I pleaded with whatever force that would listen that she would say yes.
“Theo, I had a really great time tonight. Will you be in Edinburgh much longer?” Her voice was soft and reassuring.
“I’m seeing a few local places tomorrow, and then I’ll be in Glasgow for a few days.”
She made a noncommittal sound before replying. “I will call you tomorrow if that’s alright.”
“Of course. It was good to see you—I mean it.”
“Goodnight Theodore.”
“Goodnight Lennon.” She didn’t reach for me, but offered a soft smile before she turned her back to me. As she walked away, I silently hoped that this wasn’t the last time I would see her.
