I drew my bottom lip between my teeth as I wrestled with my emotions. He wasn’t exactly a stranger, and while I didn’t know who he was now, at one point, he was the secret keeper of all my hopes and dreams. He was the person I turned to for comfort, and I couldn’t fathom he would be so far removed from the boy I once knew.
“Okay, only if you’re sure it won’t interfere with anything else you have going on.”
“I’m sure.” He glanced down at his watch again. “Can you meet me at about seven o’clock at Vittoria?”
“Yeah, okay. That sounds good.” I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but the prospect of not spending the night in solitary was worth it. Theo drew himself to his full height as he maneuvered his way around me and onto the rest of his day. I peered up at him, tracking his movements with my eyes, wondering what else had changed about him.
Before passing me fully, he stopped, eyes bright and trained on my face. “I didn’t believe in fate before today, but I sure as hell do now. I’ll see you at seven, Lenny.”
He marched forward down the street, while I remained stuck to the pavement. “What the hell just happened?” I muttered to myself. Seventeen years I’ve gone without seeing Theo or even giving him a second thought. Now, suddenly, I had dinner plans with him halfway across the globe.
Fate seemed to be the right word.
seven
Theo
Seventeen years later andshe was still as captivating as I remembered. I wasn’t lying when I said I didn’t believe in fate. Hell, I didn't even know if I believed in a higher power. But seeing her today, in this place, would be enough to turn even the most devout atheist to the light.
After graduation, I made a decision that likely saved my life. But in order to do so, I had to rip apart the heart of the one person I loved most in this world. We were young but I was more in love with her than with any woman that followed her. She deserved a life that was better than what I could have gave her. It was a harsh reality that I had to talk myself into believing, but one that was true.
Long before we got together in high school, and for far too long after I left her standing on the sidewalk of my parents’ old house, Lennon was the center of everything I was. I was going nowhere,and fast, so when my parents sold their house to move across the country, I went with them. Staying would have been easier and I wouldn’t have had to give her up, but I would have ruined her life. I would have ruined her.
The day I left might have been full of sunshine, but there wasn’t an ounce of happiness found in either of us. Every part of me screamed in protest, and even if I knew it was for the better, there was a lingering sensation that I was ruining both our lives instead of trying to save my own.Nothing about that goodbye felt right.
My parents packed the remaining boxes into the car while I stood with her on the sidewalk outside my house. I forced my eyes to memorize her face, her hair, the way she smelled, anything that would keep her alive in my head once I left. To this day, I could still picture the way her lashes stuck to each other and how her sapphire eyes darkened to near black from the tears. Even the way she had chewed her perfectly pink lips to a raw sort of red.
Her face fit between my hands as my voice cracked over the hardest goodbye I had ever said. “It doesn’t matter where I am or how long we’re apart, I will always love you.” Each word sat in my throat as jagged pieces of a broken promise, ripping me to shreds from the inside out.
She pleaded with me over and over to not forget her and how she didn’t understand why I had to leave. And even as she begged for answers, I couldn’t find the words to explain why I had to go. Forgetting her, that was an impossible notion, when my heart already carried her name like a tattoo.
“Anything for you.” It was the last thing I said to her. I kissed her goodbye and climbed into my parent’s car. My eyes never left hers as my dad pulled the car away from the house.
In that moment, I was sure she would never forgive me, but if I was ever given a second chance, nothing would keep me from her.
It took me more time than I thought it would, but I finally got my life on track. After leaving Lennon, I threw myself into photography. At first it was only a hobby, then I took a few courses at a community college and really started honing my skills, and in it, I could channel all the hurt and longing that had been building inside of me.
During a student gallery exposition, some of my photos were picked up for a spread in some magazine I couldn't remember the name, and had been freelancing ever since.
I strolled down the final street before arriving at the set of office buildings that held the Europe Division of Castle Architecture Magazine. There was a smile that hadn’t left my face since I left her standing there on the sidewalk. Very reminiscent of that last day we had together and maybe not my best move, but I really did have a meeting I couldn’t be late for. It was the whole reason I was here to begin with.
I walked through the doors of the editor’s office at exactly eight o’clock. “Theo, good to see you. Please sit.” Archie Fraser waved me to the seat across the desk from him. Large framed glasses slid down his nose as he bent over to examine the photos in front of him. I sat for a few minutes, my foot shaking impatiently while it rested on the opposite leg before he finally looked up.
“These are good. Exactly what we were looking for from Château Gaillard.” I nodded my head in thanks.
He started again, “I know you think Scotland is a bit redundant, but they want to dedicate the 25thanniversary issue next quarter to the country.” I would have rolled my eyes, but I suddenly had a vested interest in staying here.
“It’s no problem. I understand the interest and the list of spots that are needed was easy to work with.” It consisted of the tourist heavy sites, but what I loved most about this job was the amount of freedom it came with. If what they asked for was included, I could add in the lesser-known spots. The ruins that intrigued me and the estates that were still housing the same families hundreds of years later.
Archie provided me with the deadline for the photos, and within the hour, I was out of the office and back to my hotel to grab my gear. I had been a professional photographer for over ten years now; blending into the background to catch authentic moments of nature that surrounded us had been my passion.
Today I was starting with Edinburgh Castle. I had photographed the historic site in the past, and I knew the sheer size of it would take most of the afternoon to capture. Anything to keep me busy and stop me from tracking Lennon down to see her face again.
By ten o’clock, I was trudging up the castle steps to start my work. As I peered through the lens that was fixed on the Gatehouse entrance, the memory of the first time I had held a camera in myhands drifted in unannounced. All at once it was like I could be something, and I owed it all to her.
It was my birthday and I was finally an adult.
The social pressure was weighing on me, that at eighteen you needed to know what you wanted to do with your life. It was getting heavier and heavier by the day, and I was beginning to feel trapped.
