“Not with you around they weren’t.”She raises her eyebrows.
“I could say the same about you,” I point out.“You always lose your shit when I’m trying to stop you from making a huge mistake.”
“This hasn’t been about a milestone, about remembering the most amazing first night of my life.That train has already left.Fuck, it never even pulled into the station.I’ll never have the magical first time like everyone else does.My father made sure of that.This has always been an operation, a job that needs doing, and it doesn’t matter with who, just so long as it’s done.”
“I understand your motivation, but do you really want to give your virginity to someone like those guys?They don’t deserve it.”
“Then who does?”
I grind my teeth.“Someone who respects you.Someone who views you as more than just a trophy fuck.Someone who’ll treat you the way you deserve, who will give you what you need, not just take what they want.”
The flames flicker behind her, taunting me, but I push them aside.
“And where the hell am I supposed to find someone like that?In one of my books?Because that’s the kind of man you’re talking about—a fictional man.And although I’ve learned a lot from reading romance, the one thing they’ve taught me is that men like that don’t exist.Otherwise, why would books get written about them?”
I have no comeback to that, because she’s wrong.They do exist.
Hayami’s phone beeps from the side.She picks it up and reads the text before looking at me.“It’s from Willa.”
Great.She needs to get back here, as I’m struggling to man this show on my own, and a second opinion would be great right now as to what the fuck is going on here.But more importantly, I don’t trust myself alone with Hayami anymore.She’s too vulnerable.We both are.We’re getting too close, and if the opportunity arises, I know I won’t be able to stop myself.
I’m only human.And honestly, I want her too much.
I have no restraint where Hayami is concerned.
“What does it say?”
“Her plane’s been grounded.They’ve suspended all flights indefinitely due to the storm.”Her eyes meet mine.“Looks like we’re on our own.”
THIRTY-SIX
HAYAMI
PRESENT
The fire dwindles,along with the conversation, as dawn on our tenth day here draws close, bringing with it the quiet certainty that we’re truly alone up here—and likely to remain so.
I dreaded where the conversation was going, afraid of what I might do, considering I straddled him in my sleep.I’m not sure what came over me.Maybe it was my subconscious trying to complete the mission I’d set for myself all those weeks ago, or maybe I was acting out my most recent fantasies.Whatever it was, I need to tread carefully.Fenrir has shown no signs that he feels the same way about me.I don’t want to make a fool of myself, especially since we could be spending a long time up here together alone now that Willa is definitely not coming back any time soon.
“I should go to bed,” I say with a slow yawn.“I’m worried about you getting so little sleep.”
“It’s fine,” Fenrir says, brushing off my worries.“I’m used to it.”
“First thing in the morning, you’re going to get some sleep.I insist,” I reply, levering myself up from the rug.
He stands, picking up our glasses, which he drops off in the kitchen before following me upstairs.
Fenrir checks the windows of my room, under the bed, and the en suite.I wait dutifully outside until he gives me the all clear, then scoot into the room and gather my loungewear so I can take a shower.
“I won’t lock it,” I tell him, just before closing the door.
It’s a relief to be alone, but also a torment.I don’t want to be away from him, yet I need some air, some space, a second to collect my thoughts.
“Someone who will give you what you need, not just take what they want.”
His words dance in my brain.I hadn’t thought of it that way, but now that he’s pointed it out, I see what he means.The guys I’ve tried to get with have always been interested in one thing: getting what they want.But I’m also guilty of this—purely using them to get one up on my father.They haven’t been interested in me or my needs, but neither have I.
Do I want my first time to be built upon a mutual understanding in a toilet cubicle?No, of course I don’t.If I had it my way, my first time would be momentous, with someone I care about.With someone who makes me feel like I’m the most special person on this planet.Someone who I can’t stop thinking about, and who wants me as much as I want them.
