I’m old enough, and enough of a realist, to know that I probably won’t love the guy I lose my virginity to.That’s old-fashioned, what you read about in fairy tales.It’s not the real world.But I want it to be with someone I feelsomethingfor.Someone who makes my toes curl.Someone I respect.Someone who knows what they’re doing.I don’t want an inexperienced young guy, a selfish man.I don’t want to be left wondering what all the fuss is about.
I want to be worshipped.
I want to be taken.
I want to be ruined.
Turning the shower on, I notice the hardness of my nipples, the goose bumps over my skin, and the fact that the door is unlocked.
And before I can stop it, the fantasy of Fenrir walking through the door and joining me in the shower is back, and there’s no way I can stop it.
THIRTY-SEVEN
FENRIR
PRESENT
As Hayami showers,I pull out my phone to try and distract myself from the noise of the running water and that she’s naked in there with the door unlocked.But as I scan the latest weather update, our conversation downstairs comes back to me.I’d had to push my anger down when Hayami revealed her father’s intentions.And then again when she told me her plans to stop it by killing herself, then to try and sabotage her “purity” by throwing herself at the first guy she came across.Jesus.No wonder she’s a volcano waiting to erupt.
I found it hard not to speak from my heart and tell her exactly what I thought: that if any man should so much as touch her, I’d rip his arms from his body and take pleasure in doing so.She doesn’t see how precious she is or what she’s handing to these men.But I blame Devall.This is his doing.He forced her hand with this ridiculous auction.
The door to the en suite clicks open and Hayami strolls into the room, her hair wrapped up in a white towel.She’s dressed in shorts and a vest top, her skin slightly pink from the heat of the water.
“How’s the snow looking?”she asks.
Sliding my phone into my pocket, I head over to the window and pull back the curtain.The white confetti has turned into fat flakes that swirl angrily in the air before landing on the now-white surfaces.The backdrop looks purple, the strange glow that always seems to illuminate the sky when the world has turned white.
“It’s coming down heavy now.”I close the curtain and turn to face her, and I freeze.
Hayami is by the bed, towel now in her hand, eyes on me.But behind her is a shadow on the wall cast from the lamp on her bedside table.But it isn’thershadow.It’s taller.It’s wider.
No.It’s not possible.It’s a trick of the light.It’s my eyes playing games with me.
But as I try to rationalise what I’m seeing, I can’t help but notice Hayami is stationary, yet the shadow moves towards her, its hands reaching out as if to grab her.
Hayami holds the towel to her hair, rubbing the long strands, completely oblivious—until I reach behind my back and pull my gun from my waistband.
* * *
HAYAMI
Fenrir stares over my shoulder, face aghast, his body rigid as if he’s been frozen.I’m about to turn around to see what has captured his attention, but then he unfreezes, his arm contorting as he reaches into the back of his waistband.
He pulls his gun out and aims.
Cold fear drenches me.
What the fuck?
It takes a second for me to realise his gun isn’t pointing at me.It’s pointing behind me.
There’s someone behind me.
“Fenrir.”My voice sounds weak, and I don’t mean for it to.
“Don’t move.”He’s staring at the wall.His eyes don’t leave the target, which is about a foot to my left.
Dread spools in my gut as I watch him aim the gun, arms straight and locked as he moves slowly, slowly, slowly, the target moving, getting closer to me with every second.
