“You are all that I have too, Aisha. I can’t risk that. The thought of you leaving me, thinking I am not worth it, or doubting our relationship sends me down this weird spiral that I can never escape even if I try to.”
“I never doubted your love, Aisha.”
“You did. Just now.”
He tries to apologize, but I fear if I say something more, I am going to end up hurting both of us, so I get off the bed.
“No matter what happens, Reyansh, I hope you know that the reason for our separation will always be that the love I was always proud of failed us both and not because I didn’t love you.”
I know my words must have hurt him because his face speaks volumes. He looks broken and doesn’t chase me when I leave our room.
And if nothing else broke us, my words definitely did.
Aisha Kapoor
The dinner table is silent. For probably the first time ever since both of our mothers came home. But I don’t have energy or coherent thoughts to speak at the moment, and no one else would take initiative to make small talk.
Mom keeps giving me helpless stares, as if she can sense that something is wrong with me. But I don’t have it in me to talk to her either. I know she would understand. I feel like when it comes to me and Reyansh, she has always been on my side. I think that stems from the fact that at a certain point in life, even she loved his father, and in the situation I am in right now, she stood at the same point a few decades ago.
WhileMaakeeps herself busy with feeding Chhavi, Mom keeps her eyes closely on me and Reyansh—who still looks helpless. I was a bit too harsh on him, I feel. He is allowed to overthink and express his feelings. If he won’t talk them out with me, who will he go to?
But whenever he questions our relationship or my love for him, a part of me shrivels in fear that he will leave me, which is ironic in itself considering I plan on leaving him.
But in hindsight, I think I have forgotten that I wanted to leave him. But if I don’t want to leave him anymore, my previous words would have definitely put some thoughts in his mind to leave me.
“Aisha,” Chhavi starts, making me look up from my half-eaten plate of food, and it seems like everyone is looking at me at the moment. “I have a bit of a personal question for you.”
“If I say no, will you not ask it?” I say, tilting my head, andMaagives me a stern glare.
“Aisha,”Maasays. “Be nice to your sister.”
I shrug, and Chhavi takes that as a sign to ask her question.
“When are you planning to have kids?”
Reyansh chokes on air, sitting beside me, and I pass him a glass of water and pat his back to calm him down. What the fuck is that question?
“Why are you interested in my personal life, Chhavi? And how is that an appropriate question to ask your sister at the dinner table?”
“Chhavi,”Maascolds, and she raises her hands in surrender. “That’s not nice.”
“Sorry,Maa, for what I am about to say,” Reyansh starts, his face barely holding together his anger. “But Chhavi, my and Aisha’s sex life is none of your business.”
My heart races inside my chest, and I pinch his thigh so that he gets the idea to shut up.
My mom may be modern, but I would still not like to discuss my sex life in front of her.
“Reyansh, stop,” Mom interjects. “Chhavi, that is an inappropriate question to ask anyone.”
“I just wanted to know if I could expect myself to be made amassianytime soon.”
“That is none of your business,” I lash out. “Maybe focus on building your career now that you are here. This kind of opportunity comes only to a few. Focus on making use of it.”
“Stop schooling me like I am a child,” she seethes. “I thought we were family. We could joke around.”
She gets up from the table and goes back to the guest room, and I sigh. So much for trying to keep her here.
“Aisha,”Maasays softly and gives me a look. I would listen to anything she says, but I won’t let her cross my boundaries anymore just for the sake of her brother’s kids. I let her do that as a child, but now that I am twenty-eight, I think I need to have a backbone when it comes to family matters.
