“Have I ever lied to you?”
He purses his lips because he knows I am right. He is the one person I have never lied to. No matter what. Especially not about my feelings.
“Do you think our relationship is a mistake? Do you ever doubt that maybe you would have never reached this point if you had said no to me? I know our relationship was not liked by your family before because in their eyes I am just British. But did you ever have that feeling in your heart that maybe you shouldn’t have been with me?”
I open my mouth to cut him off because he is speaking absolute rubbish, and I don’t know from where he got that. At what point did I make him feel that he was a mistake?
As far as I know, he is the best decision I ever took in my entire life. In fact, he ismylife.
“Do you think loving me was a mistake? Is that why you want a divorce?”
My eyes burn with tears that I won’t let down this time because what the hell is he even saying? Are the words even making sense to him, or is he saying this all to hurt me?
“Can I slap you?”
“Wha—”
I lightly hit him across the face with my hand to shake him up and let him know what utter bullshit he’s saying. It’s not even a slap; it’s a mere touch of my hand against his face, but it’s enough to bring him back to his senses.
“Are you done? Because now I am about to say something that actually makes sense, and you are going to need the last two brain cells of yours to understand it.”
He nods, finally done with his ramble, and I take a deep breath to sort through my thoughts and feelings.
“At what point in our relationship did you think I saw you as a mistake? What did I do that made you feel like that? Because if I did something, I would like to change that. I have never,ever taken you or this relationship for granted. If I saw you as a mistake, I would have rejected you the day you asked me to be your girlfriend. Don’t you know me? Don’t you know that I would never waste my time on a man like that?”
His eyes relax, and I see him realizing how stupid he was to question me like that, but I am genuinely hurt. No matter how much I love that he said his feelings out loud, I would have been happier if he actually tried to make sense of them himself too because this way he just questioned my love for him. Something I have always taken pride in.
“Reyansh, I get that I am not perfect. I know I have made mistakes in this relationship as well. But I never thought I would have done something that made you think I didn’t love you. I thought that was clear since the beginning. You are the first man I have ever loved; I thought that was clear.
“Aisha—” he starts, but I cut him off. Maybe I am overreacting by saying all of this. He is allowed to overthink as well. But I can’t stop when my feelings for him are questioned.
He is the only one I have, and for him to question it makes me feel worthless.
“The reason I asked for a divorce wasn’t because I thought you were a mistake or because I didn’t love you. I asked for a divorce because you didn’t care anymore, and I had lost the ability to keep a dead relationship alive.”
“Then why would you say that to Chhavi?” he asks, his voice soft and almost as if he is going to break down too
“Say what?” I ask, confused.
“In the car. You advised her to not make the same mistake as you.”
God, why are men so stupid?
“Have you always been this stupid, Reyansh?”
He gives me a blank stare, and I swear I could use my mother’s special treatment on this posh boy at the moment, but he wouldn’t survive that.
“Do you even understand me? I said that in a taunt. In sarcasm because she views our marriage as a mistake. I said that because I know arguing with her is pointless. No one in my family would have understood what you mean to me, so I simply don’t care. My mom likes you, and that has always been enough for me. If someone thinks I made a mistake, that is on them. I don’t care. You have never been a mistake to me, Reyansh. You have always been the best decision I ever made.”
His eyes soften, and I bury my face in my hands to calm myself down because I am exhausted and hurt.
Hurt from all the times he has doubted me in this relationship and exhausted because I didn’t know it would be so tiring to fix our broken relationship.
“I am sorry,” he says, taking my hands in his, and doesn’t let me go when I try to pull away. Sadly, I am no longer in the mood for his theatrics.
“I just got that word doing rounds in my head on loop and lost my sense of thinking. I just have always been so scared of losing you.”
I look at him, my eyes carrying the hurt I am feeling right now.
